Dawn Images

A very wise Hania Aamir once said, “On February 14, if any of my friends put up a picture of flowers, I will unfollow you,” and let’s just say, we’ve been there!

Not to be a hater, but Valentine’s Day can be pretty annoying if you’re single and trying to have a normal day at work without every couple on your social media feed spamming you with adorable but cough cough nauseating posts. There is nowhere to hide when everywhere you go is painted red, decorated with roses and those dreadful heart-shaped balloons made to remind you of your singlehood.

Lest we forget, having nowhere to hide when leaving your house means running into Valentine’s Day celebrations at every stop, be it at restaurants, movies, parks, parties, and even while you’re driving! Like, no, I don’t want to buy roses for myself, thank you!

While self-love is important, we singles choose to love ourselves everyday without needing a reminder like Valentine’s Day. And since we want to avoid running into anything that brings us down — looking at all you committed or married folks — we are running in the opposite direction. And here’s how you can too:

Whatever you do, do not stay home!

Believe it or not, staying at home is counterproductive to the anti-Valentine’s Day spirit. The longer you stay home, the longer you’ll stay in your single bed scrolling through your social media feed filled with ghastly images of proposals, dinners, and those with couples wearing awfully cute matching outfits. Instead, get up, get dressed (not in red!!), and head out with your friends — it’s better than being home.

Go go-kart racing, not racing to your ex!

Grab your running shoes and your glasses — the darker the tint the better — and head to the park. Go go-kart racing for all we care! But do not race to your ex just because you saw a couple of lovebirds on a bench holding hands and being all loved-up.

Head to the movies wearing horse blinders

You may trust yourself not to go too “delulu” or compromise your suspension of disbelief while at the movies because of some couple on your right looking cute, but we recommend horse blinders. That’s right! Prevent yourself from falling into the trap while enjoying the film you paid for by yourself. And the best part about going solo? You don’t have to share your popcorn with anyone!

Sit at a chai dhaba instead of restaurants

Don’t make the mistake of heading to a restaurant unless you want to be bombarded with PDA. Sit at your nearest chai dhaba with all your single friends and engross yourself in a game of sequence or charades! If you spot any couples at the tables next to you, stare them down with all your might so they feel uncomfortable, NOT YOU! Disclaimer: Try this at your own risk — we take no responsibility for any phaddas started at chai dhabas.

Head to Jumbo Jump and hope to land in space

In case you’ve tried every possible way to avoid couples and still haven’t been successful, this is your cue to book a family or females-only slot at Jumbo Jump and channel your frustration into jumping as high as you can — possibly into outer space so as to get away from humankind altogether. No humans, no problems!

Go to karaoke with your friends and sing ‘Flowers’

We know, we know, we don’t want to buy ourselves flowers on Valentine’s Day but… you totally can. And to make things interesting, head to Super Space in Ocean Mall just so you can sing about it with all your friends. There’s nothing an evening of horrible singing can’t fix! And what better song to irk all those super dependent, clingy, nosy and gross couples having a perfectly romantic time than ‘Flowers’ by Miley Cyrus?

Note: In case you didn’t get it, this is a piece of satire. We don’t actually hate couples.