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29 May, 2019

Last week Game of Thrones fans were treated to an epic moment when Sansa Stark shut down her uncle Edmure Tully by simply saying "Uncle, please sit."

It got us thinking: how many times have our very own desi uncles needed a similar reality check?

Whether they're entitled, obnoxious, sexist or just plain misinformed, some of our uncles really need to take a seat.

Read on to find out who.

Uncle Saqib Nisar, you may take a seat

"Fund donations never intended for building of dam, only for awareness: ex-CJP"

During his tenure as CJP Uncle Nisar convinced the public to donate to the 'dam fund' as a means of resolving Pakistan's water crisis. This despite many experts pointing out that a mega-project like a dam cannot and should not be funded like a charity. Still, Uncle Nisar persisted.

However, he later pointed out that his fund-raising efforts were "only for awareness." Epic trolling or just typical uncle behavior? You decide.

Aap bhi, Uncle Khawaja Asif

In top uncle form, Uncle Khawaja Asif used grossly sexist language against PTI parliamentarian Shireen Mazari while the national assembly was in session: “Someone make this tractor trolley shut up!”. According to an eyewitness, he further insulted Mazari for "talking like a man", and urged her to “make her voice more feminine”.

Oh and when pushed for an apology he said:"I am not going to apologise, they can do whatever they want."

Yup.

Uncle Javed Sheikh, yeh seat aap ke liyay

Earlier this year we asked veteran actor Javed Shiekh what steps he was taking to make the industry safer for women. He started well, saying: "I think they [sets] should protect women/men and come forward with the names and also boycott any accused." Unfortunately, he then said "BUT..."

And followed up with: "A lot of women get MeToo done on themselves." Javed Uncle, that's not how harassment... gets did.

You may also be seated, Vawda Uncle

Faisal Vawda Uncle has a habit of inserting himself into any any tense situation... after it's over. Over-enthusiam and hyper-machismo is also classic uncle behaviour. Sometimes, it's okay to stay home.

Sportsman Uncle Afridi, aap bhi

Uncle Afridi had a lot to say in his newly published memoir, but some gems really stood out, like this age-old uncle classic: "It’s for social and religious reasons that I’ve made this decision regarding my daughters not competing in public sporting activities and their mother agrees with me."

Reserved seat for Uncle Shaan Shahid

Uncle Shaan always has an opinion; most recently he figured out how to save Pakistan from economic destruction: aggressive money changing. Thank you for your tweet and have a seat!

Aur aap, Uncle Mushtaq Ghani

Earlier this year KP Assembly Speaker Mushtaq Ghani told Pakistanis to fight inflation by eating fewer rotis: "Instead of two rotis let's cut down to one roti." His remarks did not go down well with people, who pointed out that our aim should be to feed more people, not less.

Is Uncle Mushtaq Ghani channeling Marie Antoinette? Possibly.

Always room for the eccentric uncle, aka Uncle Sufi Sal

Whether he's partaking in pushups or fan videos or controversial hot takes, Uncle Salman Ahmad always fights his way to the forefront of the action... even thought it's never really necessary. We have a seat for you but alas, we know nothing's gonna keep you down.

Uncle Hamza Ali Abbasi, you too

Uncle Abbasi may be young, but he definitely falls into the 'uncle' category. With unsolicited opinions on everything from homosexuality to item numbers to the history of the world, this king of uncledom needs to take a seat on his throne.


This article is categorised as humour/satire.

Comments

Hassan May 29, 2019 07:46am
Brilliant and apposite! -H
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Meh May 29, 2019 08:04am
Thank you for the hilarious read
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Queen May 29, 2019 08:24am
Uncle Hamza's comments are generally on point!
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Imran Khan May 29, 2019 08:28am
Hahahahah..Really a good fun to read
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Amit May 29, 2019 08:46am
Apt.
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Adnan Afzal May 29, 2019 08:51am
Missed uncle Humayun Saeed here.
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Rafay May 29, 2019 09:50am
hey, how come no mention of uncle Imran???
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Sheheryar May 29, 2019 10:11am
Wow!!! You would think that these men are the enlightened minority who have had some exposure and seen the world. And with so much life experience they would speak some sense but no. Especially afridi.
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Mehkan May 29, 2019 10:38am
LOL!!! This is all because most of these individuals do not introspect or observe what is really happening. They are not aware of their information environments being skewed, unaware of their unconscious biases and most of all, lack of the ability to see things as they truly are, to observe.
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Syed irfan ali May 29, 2019 10:42am
All the picks are the best. They should all take a back seat for a while as we are tired of their takes on every issue especially Uncle Afridi and Uncle Abbasi.
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LAHORI KID May 29, 2019 10:57am
With all the political garbage overflowing in our lives, we need a good laugh. Thanks DAWN
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Saima May 29, 2019 11:17am
Uncle Fawad Chaudhry needs to take several seats too
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Sam May 29, 2019 11:38am
great
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Awalmir May 29, 2019 12:26pm
Uncle Imran Khan is the KING of them all !! His unsolicited opinions will fill an entire page.
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Asim May 29, 2019 12:37pm
in bad taste...
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s May 29, 2019 12:56pm
uncle imran does not qualify .hes in grandad territory...actually
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Bilal Sarfraz May 29, 2019 12:58pm
Hamza was spot on. And He is a young man with thoughtful views.
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Asad May 29, 2019 01:55pm
This was quite a boring piece, in my very humble opinion
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aK May 29, 2019 03:03pm
You guys really have a beef with Hamza Abbasi dont you!!!! Everything he says is wrong by your standards, dont get me wrong, I fricking love this website, but your opinion about Mr. Abbasi is really not that hard to read.
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Zafar May 29, 2019 06:19pm
Refreshingly hilarious!
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Ahmer Shabbir May 29, 2019 06:35pm
very apt. loved the idea.
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A May 29, 2019 08:42pm
Nice. Nothing on uncle IK?
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Laila May 29, 2019 08:43pm
Funny but also disturbing. These are men from the elite, worldly types with education and travels under their belts. Still their minds are narrow as ever. No progress. Wonder why our country is in such a state.
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Gh May 29, 2019 09:59pm
Our Education system .......failed us
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Kitkechup May 29, 2019 11:47pm
Hilarious, it was interesting to read, gave me good laughs, but you forgot to mention Grandpa Imran Khan and uncle Fawad Chaudhary, they should have been on the top list. And unfortunately Shan was right in some sense.
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Fawadurrahman May 30, 2019 04:30am
Agree with afridi and hamza
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Jam Jun 01, 2019 06:39pm
This is hilarious! Kindly make one for aunties too to maintain gender equality :)
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