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12 Jun, 2017

Is there a checklist to be a good daughter-in-law? Apparently.

Meera recently appeared as a guest on Aamir Liaquat's Ramazan TV show Game Show Aisay Chalay Ga and the two had a short exchange on whether Meera would make a "good gharaylu daughter-in-law" or not. Meera, up for the challenge, replied, "Certainly."

Watch the video here.

The actor then went on to explain what constitutes a good daughter-in-law.

"I can become a good daughter-in-law by cooking food and by ironing clothes, and washing clothes, praying five times a day, and sending good wishes to people, having babies."

At which point Amir Liaquat cuts off Meera and asks, "Will you sweep the floors?"

And Meera continued with the checklist, "Yes, sweeping floors, keeping the room clean, massaging my husband's feet, looking after the mother-in-law, giving her tea and breakfast in the morning, waking up the father-in-law on time for prayers,,,"

The point of this conversation, as Amir explained, was to find Meera a good husband.

People have often made Meera the butt of their jokes, and Meera often plays along. While this itself is disturbing, we also need to take a step back and evaluate how damaging their joke is in a Pakistani context.

Let's start with the obvious. Meera's answers reinforce the belief many hold in this patriarchal society: that women are here to serve men, more importantly their in-laws. They are bound to look after and carry out duties in order to fulfill the wishes of their husbands — something many in Pakistan are fighting hard to overcome.

While some TV programming is going a long way to deviate from idolising the 'perfect bahu', albeit at snail's pace, these conversations on Ramazan transmissions are taking away from the effort of countless men and women who are still struggling to find equal footing for all genders in our society. The portrayal of a good daughter-in-law as serving only to cater to other people's needs, especially coming from influential individuals like Meera and Aamir Liaquat, undoes a lot of that effort.

Instead of focusing on how to become a 'good daughter-in-law', perhaps, the conversation should be geared towards how to be a good human being.

This year's Ramazan transmissions have left a sour taste in our mouths. We sincerely hope no one is trying to up this one.

Comments

moss Jun 12, 2017 04:15pm
This exact thought came in my mind, it seems people in Pakistan look for a maid in the form of Daughter In law, wife, sister in law etc. Source of a conflict in any household.
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Raza Jun 12, 2017 04:39pm
pakistan is ideal place, women's job is to make husband and in-laws happy and should ot have independent identity. that's how our pious leaders have said and hadith also support same.
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Raza Jun 12, 2017 04:45pm
SHE'S CORRECT, I APPROVE.
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Alanore Jun 12, 2017 04:47pm
Who cares what Meera gi says. Who takes her seriously anyway. She was married once.
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Ricky mardan Jun 12, 2017 05:30pm
Speaking from an urban middle class perspective, in our grandfather generation, women were mostly uneducated and focused on homemaking. Men were looked after well but did not really form a relation with their spouse beyond that of cooperating parents of children they were bringing up. In father generation, women were mostly educated with some limited interests out of the home. Men were not looked after as well but could now enjoy better companionship and still they had the upper hand by virtue of taking on responsibility for providing economic and physical security for the family. In current generation , some educated women have careers but many are brief stints and most of the time they are still dependents of their husband. However the question of looking after their husbands has gone. Many look at their husbands as enablers (ala their father) and dont feel they need to build a home as partners but critique whatever their husband provides. Perhaps the pendalum has spun too much?
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Ali Jun 12, 2017 06:32pm
Meera wouldnt do any of that...she would infact destroy any happy family.....and yes DILs are not supposed tk do any of that...if they do by choice its a favor and must be appreciated a generosity
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Rehna Fayaz Jun 12, 2017 06:58pm
She is funny
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Rehna Fayaz Jun 12, 2017 06:59pm
Women are people in there own right whether they are married or not
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Ayesha Jun 12, 2017 07:19pm
@Ricky mardan , In our grandparents/parents time, household work was NOT not given much value because it is unpaid job. But in current times, women who dont earn and take care of the family are called "home makers" (not house wives). In Western world, their contribution to the family (raising kids ) is considered EQUAL to a man who is going out and making money. Actually, their work is considered as sacrifice of her career because she chooses to do unpaid work over a paid one for the sake of the family. That is the VERY reason home maker women also deserve to have EQUAL rights.
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Rehna Fayaz Jun 12, 2017 07:58pm
A very British humour
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Ahmer Jun 12, 2017 08:09pm
@Raza Your approval is not required as it means nothing.
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Ahmer Jun 12, 2017 08:10pm
Possibly Meera was saying according to the script. Is there a way we can petition against Mr. Amir Liaqat to ban him from appearing on TV?
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Rebeloasis Jun 13, 2017 01:36am
There are many households where this happens due to mutual consent, both play their part and complement each other happily. So less with the generalizing please. This serving of the husband by the wife isn't deemed compulsory in the faith particularly when it comes to serving the in-laws. However that doesn't mean that it's a failed formula. There are even women in the West who love being a housewives and being looked after monetarily by their husband. Similarly there are women in Pakistani society who take pride in managing their house and serving their husband. They will also get recompense for their good intentions, insha Allaah. Live and let live.
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Desiinpardes Jun 13, 2017 01:40am
Who is Dr. Aamir and why are TV channels letting him host such shows?. Shame on such TV channels.
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TM Jun 13, 2017 02:15am
Hey everybody! Loosen up. Relax. Take it easy. Just focus on fixing things with yourself and those near and dear to you and society will improve. Commenting negatively on what xyz has said does not help. At all.
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Aj Jun 13, 2017 04:36am
What a role model to talk on such social issues. Good luck you Paksitani's
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Nabeela Jun 13, 2017 08:27am
Who do you taking seriously?? Ana what do you think people will take interest in meeras definition of daughter in law, they have their own poor mind sets.
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Ash Shaw Jun 13, 2017 10:00am
The sad part is that this is true - only western states have somewhat shed off the responsibility of household chores equally amongst spouses - in Pakistan, the most progressive of men feel insulted when told to help with dishes or cleaning up. The clever ones will say we will do it in our own time, which means dishes will be in the sink for days at end and of course they can't see dust on any service so they are never going to wipe it off of anything. Complaining about celebrities reinforcing stereotypes isn't going to help the situation. This is an uphill task entrusted to women in setting boundaries and having the courage to do it and setting right example for their children.
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Tahir Jun 13, 2017 10:22am
@Raza I'd like to have a look at the hadith which says women's job is to make in-laws happy...rather than blurting out stuff it's better to do your own research before making a judgement call
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Tim Jun 13, 2017 01:06pm
Another case of female chauvinism. I guess Meera was just playing along, reciting what our society thinks are good attributes for a bahu. No need to raise hell about it. Also some of the things she mentioned are actually good, not a sign of servitude to men.
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