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8 things from India that Pakistan must ban right now

8 things from India that Pakistan must ban right now

Because a ban is the most mature and responsible way to settle a dispute
Updated 18 Apr, 2017

The high road is for suckers. Know what's the best way to deal with conflict? Retaliation!

First India banned our actors, then our drama serials; what's next? We need to show them who's boss.

Read more: Indian film association bans Pakistani talent from working in India

This means that anything remotely Indian must go. Let's start with these eight:

1) Abs, especially Ranveer Singh's

We can't tell you how many Pakistani women have been disarmed by Ranveer Singh's abs.

Or how many people have been immobilised by Katrina Kaif's bod.

Surely this is a ploy to weaken us. Ban abs!

Abs are decidedly Indian. Ban them.
Abs are decidedly Indian. Ban them.

2) Vin Diesel

He was adorably fast and furious before he signed on to star in xXx: Return of Xander Cage with Deepika Padukone.

But now, with all that steamy cosying up, he's got Deepika cooties for sure. And Deepika is Indian, after all.

We declare Vin to be Indian by association.

So what if he's got a bod to die for? No more Vin! No more Vin!

Why Deepika, Vin? WHY?
Why Deepika, Vin? WHY?

FYI: The jury's still out on Dwayne Johnson.

We can smell what The Rock is cooking... and it smells like Bollywood
We can smell what The Rock is cooking... and it smells like Bollywood

3) Coldplay

The band had no problem appropriating Indian culture and offering bit parts to Sonam Kapoor.

But they don't come to Pakistan to shoot music videos on roofs and cash in on our slums. WHY? Discrimination. Ban them!

We're not going to let them gora the explorer on our turf!
We're not going to let them gora the explorer on our turf!

4) Mangoes

This Katrina is a big troublemaker. First the abs, then she gets up close and personal with a mango in this ad campaign.

Sorry Aamir Liaquat, we know this is the ultimate sacrifice, but anything licked by an Indian has to go.

BAN MANGOES!

That's being said, let's all lovingly look at Pakistan the way Katrina looks at this mango
That's being said, let's all lovingly look at Pakistan the way Katrina looks at this mango

5) Excessive gesticulation

Pfft, being too animated is for traitors. Aggressive arm movements are not for us.

And we thought SRK was bad, what with Modi's signature moves and all...
And we thought SRK was bad, what with Modi's signature moves and all...

Aim to be a potato instead.

Here is a totally unrelated picture of our Prime Minister.

6) Weight loss

Let Adnan Sami be the prime example of how treacherous weight loss can be.

Because along with excess fat, you apparently also end up losing any loyalty you had for your country. These darn "diets" (wink wink) have got to go!

No weight loss, no abs, no treason. It all makes sense.

Let's go back to the left, to left.
Let's go back to the left, to left.

7) Justin Trudeau

Just look at the way he's dancing, it’s like the beginning of every grand Bollywood number ever! Why you do this, Trudeau? Why you love bhangra?

Banned.

Anyone who randomly busts some bhangra moves (gasp!) ain't no friend of ours
Anyone who randomly busts some bhangra moves (gasp!) ain't no friend of ours

8) Pierce Brosnan

You can't sit with us if your retirement plan involves endorsing pan masalas in India.

We bet Daniel Craig's rethinking life after Bond; it doesn't seem too pretty
We bet Daniel Craig's rethinking life after Bond; it doesn't seem too pretty


Disclaimer: this article is categorised as humour/satire. Its content is not meant to be read literally, and the views expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of the writer or the views of the IMAGES editorial staff.

Comments

1000 Characters
Ravi Oct 14, 2016 10:50am
Hahaha!! India should ban funny videos of policeman and media coming out from Pakistan !
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Dilip Thorat Oct 14, 2016 10:51am
Some water and air also comes from/through India. That should also be banned.
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One Oct 14, 2016 10:53am
Very good ! A bit you learn from India will also go. Lol
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zs Oct 14, 2016 10:56am
Seriously..very boring article.
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Parcha ki charcha Oct 14, 2016 10:59am
Nadeem s parcha is it you? your humour is on point man
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Arun-KS Oct 14, 2016 11:02am
Class, Less words, speaking pictures, humorous illustrations!
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Pune India Oct 14, 2016 11:03am
All these ads are outdated, why Pakistani TV channels running them so far
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Surya Kant Agrawal Oct 14, 2016 11:05am
Hilariously appropriate
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N K Gurjaar Oct 14, 2016 11:09am
Great. We may be fighting with each other but the satire should be the link between our countries. Keep going.
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Indian Oct 14, 2016 11:13am
LOL....
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Arsalan Oct 14, 2016 11:14am
Not funny, rather corny.....
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Sumit Oct 14, 2016 11:15am
Initially I thought it was NFP :)
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Talha Oct 14, 2016 11:17am
This article was to appease Indians if I am guessing right?
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Sadho Oct 14, 2016 11:19am
Savage AF! Had me in tears with laughter. Love from India.
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rahul Oct 14, 2016 11:25am
Excellent! Humour is the best healer. Well done Dawn!
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Kirk Oct 14, 2016 11:26am
Hahaha....this was my reaction after going through the article. Humor is what we need to add to the tension existing between India and Pakistan. @Indo-Pak- Why so serious?
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Kau Oct 14, 2016 11:26am
Funny! Funny yet canny
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Rishi Oct 14, 2016 11:28am
Root cause is Terrorism. Let's ban Terrorists.
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Lafanga Oct 14, 2016 11:30am
Am I supposed to laugh after reading this?
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I dont like humour Oct 14, 2016 11:30am
Ha ha ha......spot on. Now that you have usurped humour as a Pakistani weapon of mass destruction, we Indians will now need to retaliate, with a ban on satire in India in all its forms........
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Ritesh Oct 14, 2016 11:32am
This is called "befitting response", I guess?
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Neighbour Oct 14, 2016 11:41am
Loved it.
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Sharma Oct 14, 2016 11:42am
Love your sense of humor!!
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Naveen Oct 14, 2016 11:43am
Ha ha very funny
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Rational Oct 14, 2016 11:44am
Pathetic and Dumb piece. Trying too hard to be liberal
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Naveen Oct 14, 2016 11:44am
India should ban Nadeem we just can't enough of his sense of humour
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Ashirvad Singh Oct 14, 2016 11:46am
Very funny. Superbly written. Let us show each other who is the "BOSS".
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iProsper Oct 14, 2016 11:48am
Such a breeze of fresh air !!!
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dshuman Oct 14, 2016 11:50am
He he he
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Gooner Oct 14, 2016 11:52am
Most awkward minutes of my life, dk why I kept reading the whole article
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ART KP Oct 14, 2016 11:53am
Pakistani air should be banned from going east into India if not possible then we have to compromise by building The Great Wall of Pakistan.
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bhangra Oct 14, 2016 11:58am
Lol . Great one. Bhangra though comes from Pakistan (west Punjab) so we should endorse it ;)
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Gaurav Shrivastava Oct 14, 2016 12:16pm
This is seriously funny
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Daniel Oct 14, 2016 12:31pm
I love Dawn, such a world class newspaper - cannot believe it's from Pak (Yes I do admit I hold such stereotypes about Pak!)
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AHMADALI Oct 14, 2016 12:37pm
Ban everything from India seal the borders and make sure we have nothing to do with India. They should be deleted from our books. They are evil to us
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Muhammad Ahmed Oct 14, 2016 12:39pm
Should I Laugh? Seriously
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Faraz Oct 14, 2016 12:39pm
We should ban this writer as well as he mentioned the name "india" a lot of time... very nice article to lighten the mood!
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Gratgy Oct 14, 2016 12:45pm
After the Surgical strikes, Pakistan should ban all things that are surgical
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Nouman Oct 14, 2016 12:55pm
First things: The Indian have been very serious on banning our artists and serials and we are still laughing it out with articles like this " ban mangoes" for example.. As a mature nation, we should NOT let anyone laugh at us with such a non-serious article. Second: When we start banning things seriously, we should be very careful in allowing comments on Indians. If you have to make people 'laugh' pick up other subjects. India-Pak relations.. is a matter of seriousness ! PLEASE !
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Nouman Oct 14, 2016 12:55pm
@Talha Absolutely. This only makes fun of us
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Harish Dunakhe Oct 14, 2016 12:59pm
Ha ha..... good one..!!
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Dev Oct 14, 2016 01:05pm
Hahaha very funny
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GREAT Oct 14, 2016 02:18pm
Hahahaha, nice humour and sarcasticism is at its best. Great article from Dawn.
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peace_keeper Oct 14, 2016 02:20pm
Cross border humour is always welcomed... :)
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Ahmed Oct 14, 2016 02:22pm
but wait, adnan sami's weight loss was the only successful "surgical strike" the indians ever did...dont ban that atleast :)
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Ahmed Oct 14, 2016 02:23pm
@Dilip Thorat: no we hold our breaths waiting for the wind direction to change, so that's fine :)
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Solah aanne Oct 14, 2016 02:25pm
Not all Indians have supported banning pak artist.
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Thind Oct 14, 2016 02:34pm
I am with you. Good luck.
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Jigar USA Oct 14, 2016 02:43pm
Lol, very funny. Hahaha
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true minds Oct 14, 2016 02:48pm
Too good humor.
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Jaago Oct 14, 2016 03:12pm
Much too much! At least we can still find some humor in the the current craziness
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auginpk Oct 14, 2016 03:33pm
Very nice.
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Atticus from India Oct 14, 2016 03:45pm
LOL...
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Bency J Babu Oct 14, 2016 04:00pm
Amazing Dawn
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pavan Oct 14, 2016 04:05pm
First of all ..i would like to thank author for this humorous article.He nailed it all the way.But let me tell that not all Indians are against Pakistan artists to leave the country. Many people like Om Puri, Sallu bhai etc supported Pakistani artists to stay and work in India. But at last its Indian Govt. to decide
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Hassan Fayyaz Oct 14, 2016 04:21pm
Stupid satire
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Zak Oct 14, 2016 04:26pm
India itself is a laughing bucket. Saw the ISI pigeon arrest, it went viral and was made fun of in Australia, UK, US, Africa and South America. Hahahaha. Look no further for a comical nation, it's right next door.
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Figaro Oct 14, 2016 04:27pm
Indians seem to be very riled by this article. Wonder why?
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Shah Oct 14, 2016 04:28pm
In-spite of this being a funny master piece, the fact is that we need to stop our love/hate relation with Indian culture and be proud of our Pakistani traditions. As a positive outcome of the current India/Pakistan confrontation, it high time that we endorse and support our home grown talent in different fields of our society. There is a lot for us to Love and cherish about Pakistan!
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Interesting Oct 14, 2016 04:37pm
attempted hard, however, should have there Sania Mirza also banned? right?
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Iztraab Oct 14, 2016 04:39pm
@Talha this is what Dawn all about.
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Indian Kashmiri Oct 14, 2016 04:40pm
Interesting Article loved it... pak will you ban them :P
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Ahsun Oct 14, 2016 04:47pm
Love the humor! Made my day
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sanjay mittal Oct 14, 2016 04:55pm
What a funny article with bite! Loved every word of it....!! And in the end the explanatory note, for all without sense of humour. That took the cake. The writer deserves more space on the website. Will keep the temperature down!
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Sadhana Oct 14, 2016 04:59pm
Hahaha|!!!! Loved it. Almost died laughing..... U guys have great sense of humour...
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Ali Oct 14, 2016 05:00pm
Banning pakistani artists, situation like these really tells us the inner state of thinking of majority of indians mentality given how they potry themselves being going towards advacement..
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Sai Oct 14, 2016 05:22pm
@Pune India Appreciate the humor.. As always the author is on top of his game
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B.Patel. USA Oct 14, 2016 05:25pm
Great humorous writing. To be fair, please write about which things India should ban from Pakistan and a give us a chance to laugh at our selves.
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Changez Khan Oct 14, 2016 06:08pm
Very nice. Finally people in Pakistan coming to their senses. Indian movies are almost X-Rated movies and they do NOT represent our culture so they must be banned permanently. Also the way India is doing propaganda against Pakistan, all items from India must be banned in Pakistan.
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Babar Ali Oct 14, 2016 06:23pm
Great
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shafqat a mir Oct 14, 2016 06:29pm
@AHMADALI YOU ARE THE MAN
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Harender singh Oct 14, 2016 06:37pm
Good one,especially in tense times.hilarious.
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T V Rao Oct 14, 2016 06:48pm
nice one, funny with subtle meaning.
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krishna R Oct 14, 2016 06:51pm
ha ha ha ROFL... enjoyed it thoroughly.
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Myview Oct 14, 2016 06:56pm
Hilarious ! Only Dawn can pull this off. Kudos
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TruePakistani Oct 14, 2016 07:04pm
LOL :) too good
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nawaz islam Oct 14, 2016 07:13pm
@Nouman Chill yar! Life is too short to spend on hating others. Let's learn to laugh, lets learn to relax. Laughter, after all, is the best medicine.
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Royjo Oct 14, 2016 07:27pm
Hi , I recently starting dawn.com, your news and the way you present it is real cool.. Keep it up. Best,
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M. Ali Oct 14, 2016 08:03pm
@Rational Satire my friend satire
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AKB Oct 14, 2016 08:04pm
The type of culture shown in Indian movies does not even exist in India and it is a direct attack on cultural values. What to talk of Pakistan, India may also consider banning their vulgar movies.
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Vivek - Indore, MP Oct 14, 2016 08:05pm
This is a masterpiece Images Staff, brilliant.
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M. Ali Oct 14, 2016 08:05pm
@Nouman Oh give it break It's satire read the foot note carefully .
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Dv Oct 14, 2016 08:08pm
It is sickening to see the increasing divide. It needs political solution
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Syed Oct 14, 2016 08:38pm
James Bond selling masala.. Desperate and pathetic.
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Saman Oct 14, 2016 09:00pm
lol, this is so funny!! I love bollywood!!! sorry guys its not about being indian loving or anything but I love the films they make!!
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MS Oct 14, 2016 09:30pm
This writer must be a good comedian. Ha ha ha ha... Very funny..........
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TAMIL GURU Oct 14, 2016 09:32pm
so you want to alienate Canada too ?. fine..
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Tathagat Oct 14, 2016 10:20pm
Ban sindhu river act also!
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Sumit Oct 14, 2016 10:54pm
You guys from dawn keep rocking. You all believe in building relationships. You are not biased. I prefer reading news on your page rather then listening to one sided arguments on Indian news channels and newspaper. Too matured you are.
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Arshmier Zada Oct 14, 2016 11:20pm
@Kirk , agreed
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Adeeb Oct 14, 2016 11:59pm
For how long kept on banning things on both sides?
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Malik Oct 15, 2016 12:21am
@Dilip Thorat: Now you people start crying over funny things too. Come on guys!
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Ajit Girn Oct 15, 2016 12:22am
I am an Indian Punjabi but living in US. I must say Dawn is the best newspaper when it comes to unbiased reporting for our region. Salute to you guys. BTW - I love Pakistan. Poor Punjabi's are getting killed in Modi-Sharif fight. I hate Modi.
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yaqut khan Oct 15, 2016 12:30am
ban words suit india not pakistan.i am still waiting when will india ban all UK products?
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Touseef Oct 15, 2016 12:45am
@Nouman we are trying to laugh with our neighbors. You can prepare for war with your enemies. We are tired of poverty, load shedding, no gas, heck we are tried of not keeping that smile for a whole day. We are telling our neighbors there is a reason for us to be a happier nation.
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Fatima Khan Oct 15, 2016 12:55am
Hahahaha!I found it quite hilarious.The way he criticized our neighbors was really awesome.
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Onkar Parmar Oct 15, 2016 12:56am
This one definitely cools down the temper that is being raised due to increasing political divide between 2 brother countries. WW-3 is round the corner. But humor can prevent it for sure. There exists Love but it got buried under the enmity on display. I hope Love comes out and kills the chances of WW-3.
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Roz Oct 15, 2016 02:15am
Wow just
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Shailendra Sapra Oct 15, 2016 02:16am
Awesome. But hold on; aren't we enemies? Articles like this should be banned lest they create love between the people of two nations.
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Paul Oct 15, 2016 02:23am
Hillarious !! Dang it , you Pakistani's have won this round. We will need to come back with humour of our own :-) :-)
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S. A. M. Oct 15, 2016 04:12am
beautiful. I had great time reading it through. how long can we fight with our Indian friends or they with us. it may not take very long for the current animosity to reverse itself into friendship.
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UA Oct 15, 2016 06:41am
@Talha Nope. Just to poke fun at the stupidity that is banning Pakistani artists and films in India and vice versa in Pakistan.
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UA Oct 15, 2016 06:42am
@Ritesh Well it's sometimes better to reply to vitriol with sarcasm. Much more amusing than any expletives aimed at.... you know.
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UA Oct 15, 2016 06:47am
@Indian Kashmiri Well at least we haven't yet taken to banning Indian pigeons.
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Rakesh Oct 15, 2016 07:34am
Water and Air also sharing between us! We shared land too!!! Abandon that land and using air and water too?
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Partha k Sen Oct 15, 2016 08:16am
Just excellent! What superb journalism! I am falling in love with Dawn. Unquestionably one of the best in business.
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whocares Oct 15, 2016 08:48am
@Arsalan i didnt read it as soon as i saw v diesels photo...lol
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meow Oct 15, 2016 08:58am
no sir just ban indian water and then they will have big problem of what to do with water.
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suraj Oct 15, 2016 09:44am
Ban the monsoon also. How dare that wet wind carry water molecules from an ocean named Indian and enter Pakistan without Visa. Wait wait, Had Modi got Visa before landing in Pakistan.
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Indian Oct 15, 2016 10:22am
@AHMADALI Feeling is mutual
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B.V.SHENOY Oct 15, 2016 10:50am
I love this article and its writers, whoever they are. I love their sense of humour.
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SIDD Oct 15, 2016 10:54am
NICE COLLECTION
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Ssp Oct 15, 2016 11:20am
Hahahaha... India, Pakistan, banning, anget... All aside. This is superbly funny. One surely can be poke oneself and the others at the same time with good humor. And without prejudice. Kudos to the creator of this one. I support my nation's struggle against certain pak government policies. At the same time have met many lovely Pakistanis and would always cherish the memories
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AA Mirajkar Oct 15, 2016 11:40am
Let there be a shut up to mischief mongering.
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Shaikh Muhammed Ali Oct 15, 2016 11:57am
Ban 'em all. Almost fell off the chair, laughing :)
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Ali Asghar Oct 15, 2016 12:03pm
Was this article suppose to be humorous.
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Sachin Oct 15, 2016 12:04pm
We (Indian) ourselves are trying to ban these things!
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Neeraj Nigam Oct 17, 2016 05:13am
Ha ha they should ban anything and everything that speaks of India, but then what will Pakistani news channels air???
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Azmeen Oct 17, 2016 10:04am
An article full of circastism.
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ud Oct 18, 2016 11:20am
@Fatima Khan agreed
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srikanth Oct 19, 2016 06:26pm
Hahahaha Appreciate the humor..
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