Updated 04 Feb, 2016

There's no need to see the Tere Bin Laden sequel anymore.

Ali Zafar's cameo in the film is already out, and he's invited us all to give it a "taste":

Yep, here he is in all his shirtless glory! However, there are a few things we think you should be aware of. Well, six things, to be precise.

1) We don’t see a six pack

Hate to break it to you Ali, but that ain’t no six pack.

While the rockstar wins in the biceps department, his abs need a little more work. What we see at present is more like a one-pack, or a two-pack at best.

Of course, we get that this is a satirical take on Ali’s celeb-status and our generation’s obsession with the perfect bod, but we can’t help but point out what lacks. Here’s a little reminder of what six-pack abs really look like:

Ali's version of the six-pack (L) and the original (R)
Ali's version of the six-pack (L) and the original (R)

A true six pack isn’t easy to come by, requiring a strict no-carb diet and countless hours at the gym. Who’s got that kind of dedication? Not us, so Ali can be forgiven for this one.

2) He’s oil-over the place

Ali’s a slippery fellow isn’t he?

No, I mean really. Look at how he glistens in this vid: it’s like he bathed in coconut oil before moisturizing with olive oil, finishing off the whole look with a delicate dusting of almond oil for fragrance. Just looking at him makes our cholesterol levels shoot up.

And the extreme wax job doesn’t help.

We now know why he successfully fought off the baddies in this video… they just couldn’t get a hold of him.

3) There’s a weird assault reference

Pop culture is making it increasingly clear that in order to prove your masculinity you need to rescue a woman who is just about to be assaulted by a band of thugs. And so it is with ‘Six Pack Abs’ – Ali happens upon a lovely lady in danger and fights off a whole host of baddies.

The woman who was just about to be assaulted (who should be petrified and quaking right now) quickly forgets her fear and begins to express her lust – er, gratefulness for her savior.

Is this implausible? Yep. Does it downplay the seriousness of assault and generally, crimes against women? Yep, Yep. Sigh.

4) Ali’s a champ at self-deprecating humour

We’re grateful for small mercies -- and that this video is Ali’s way of poking fun at himself is one of them.

Just as he did in his tune ‘Rockstar’ Ali makes fun of his status as a celebrity. It’s refreshing to see a star not take himself too seriously, and this is why we’re still in Ali’s corner.

It's an endearing quality, to be able to laugh at yourself, something that Ali's got down! Well, atleast that's what we hope he's doing...
It's an endearing quality, to be able to laugh at yourself, something that Ali's got down! Well, atleast that's what we hope he's doing...

Just imagine if he wrote a tune called ‘Six Pack Abs’ which was a straight-up ode to his abdominals, accompanied by a broody (maybe black and white?) video that lingered over said body part. Ew. No.

5) You'll be treated to a close-up of his navel.

What's a song about six-pack abs without a glorifying shot of the said muscles?

Horrifying enough, Ali Z's abs aren't as prominent as we'd hope them to be. The result? A close-up of his bellybutton. 'Six Pack Abs' made navel-gazers out of all of us.

Thankfully, it's an innie.

6) What's with the gori loving?

Ali Z rescues pretty white girl in a short dress from her would-be rapists - that's one gori. And then he retires to a massage parlour where he's fussed over by two more foreign gals. Hmmm, we sense a pattern here.

When you've got a six pack, you're bound to be surrounded by women, foreign women
When you've got a six pack, you're bound to be surrounded by women, foreign women

Why are ladies from the hometown just good as back-up cheerleaders? And how come the hero only spares a minute from his self-adulation for the goris?

'Six Pack Abs' needs a sequel to address these questions!


NoFame Feb 04, 2016 02:52pm
common stop it - that was just for fun .. no harm done :)
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Irfan UK Feb 04, 2016 02:52pm
I can't believe this article. Ali Zafar is a good actor and the clip I just watched was fun. It did not try to claim that he really had a six pack but it was showing the opposite so what is the problem. I didn't think the song was all that good but it was O.K .
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Zeeshan Arshad Feb 04, 2016 03:03pm
I just hope the writer is not an ali zafar aficionado
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Nomi Feb 04, 2016 04:05pm
Good one.... Although more work needed on body ......
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Ali Mosa Feb 04, 2016 04:10pm
that's NOT six pack!!!
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Naxalite Feb 04, 2016 04:26pm
You Sing 6-Pack-Abs when you got none of them. #Irony.
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junaid Feb 04, 2016 04:31pm
People criticizing the writer need to calm down. The writer is clearly joking. This is for entertainment purposes.
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Abdulla Hussain Feb 04, 2016 04:34pm
May be more money is paid for juicy roles. for some every thing is OK.
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dawn Feb 04, 2016 07:41pm
Ali Zafar stay to singing.
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Jawad U Rahman Feb 04, 2016 09:23pm
He looks an under-nourished body builder.
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BRILLIANT Feb 04, 2016 10:17pm
Bare it all and item song/scene culture is ruining cinema and heritage.
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Omrna Feb 05, 2016 04:01am
AZ should think before taking roles..his personality dosent support these type of money making stunts
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Kohli's fan Feb 05, 2016 08:54am
Filming of this song looks very similar to Shahrukh's item song from Om Shanti Om
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LS Feb 05, 2016 07:16pm
Ummm.. Where are the abs in the 6 pack abs?
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Imtiaz Faruqui Feb 05, 2016 10:25pm
Just to justify the song , he could have hold a six-pack of Coke or Beer in his hands. Poor direction.
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Rizwan NY Feb 08, 2016 04:36am
don't be jealous these six packs looks fine it doesn't have to be like 300 always
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