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Danish Taimoor has started a conversation online but it’s likely not one he wanted to start. After his recent TV appearance, people are talking about fragile male egos and men who cannot celebrate their far more successful wives.

Taimoor, an actor who is successful but whose celebrity is eclipsed almost entirely by the super stardom of his wife Ayeza Khan, appeared on Mehfil-e-Ramzan — the Ramazan transmission he hosts alongside Rabia Anam — with his wife.

At the tail-end of the episode, entirely unprovoked, he throws in his thoughts on multiple marriages in Islam.

“If God has given permission for something, then He has given permission for it. That I’m not doing it, is a different matter. I say this in front of her (Ayeza Khan) and today I’m saying it front of everyone, I am allowed to marry four times. That I’m not doing it is another matter entirely. God has given me this permission, so no one can snatch that right from me. But it’s because of my love and respect for her, that for now, I want to spend my life with her.”

He doubled down on his words in an episode of the Ramazan transmission two days later, saying he believed everyone should use the term “filhaal” and connected it with not knowing one’s fate. “I love her for the time being, because I don’t know if I’ll be alive after I leave here. This term ‘forever’, no one is here forever,” he said, adding that he and Khan “laughed” at the comments people were posting on social media.

Taimoor said it was not his intention for the situation to escalate in this manner, nor was it Khan’s, adding that in the past 15 to 16 days of the Ramazan transmission, none of the good things they had said had gone viral in the way these comments had.

He also spoke about the perils of gossip. “I am against people sitting at home and judging others. Do you know what’s in your heart or does God? How can you say that?” he asked, reiterating that when he used the term “filhal” he meant “for as long as I am with you”. “For as God has given me life but people misinterpreted it,” he said.

He and his wife may have laughed about it, but they’ve certainly got the country talking about what it means to respect your wife.

Part of that chatter includes jokes like “If this could happen to Ayeza Khan, then what about you” — the same commentary that arose when Jay Z reportedly cheated on Beyonce or when any successful and beautiful woman has been left by her husband. Instances in which the blame is somehow put on the wife for not being pretty enough, or successful enough. If this could happen to these fantastically successful women, what hope do you have?

In Pakistan, there’s an added fear — a very valid one — that a man could marry for a second time, with or without permission, that stems from unfaithfulness on part of your partner, financial concerns, your children’s rights, and a multitude of other reasons owing to the way our society is structured

But the truth is, it has nothing to do with the woman. It has to do with the man.

That Taimoor decided to bring up this right on TV, in front of millions of viewers, for no discernible reason, was certainly an interesting choice. His choice of words — which he later defended — seemed incredibly pointed, as if he wanted to make a point that him saying this in front of Khan or choosing not to ‘exercise his right’ was a favour of some kind.

During the same episode, his microaggressions were on full display, whether it was when the host asked who the better actor of the pair was and Khan immediately answered him, while he said the audience should be asked, or in the use of the word filhal (for now).

Taimoor may have said that’s what not he meant, but that is not how it came across.

So many people online have made videos, written paragraphs and basically talked about their takes on this, and it all boiled down to a man who is threatened by the success of his wife and felt the need to put her down on national TV.

Yes, no one is here forever, as Taimoor said, but no one asked him to specify the time span of his fidelity to begin with. Yet, the actor felt the need to add “filhaal” to firmly assert his right to marry four times. No one is saying he doesn’t, but there’s a very important caveat in our legal system which he chose not to mention — you also have to ask permission.

We’re not going to get into religious debates on the technicalities of multiple marriages, but we are going to say that a certain degree of respect has to be afforded to your spouse and that respect means you don’t attempt to humiliate them by unnecessarily boasting about your rights.

And it was humiliating and disrespectful to Khan. We’re going to echo the words of the many, many sensible people posting online about this right now and say that people should be celebrating their spouses and their victories rather than trying to dull their shine.

Celebrating your wife’s achievements doesn’t detract from your own. He says he didn’t intend for it to be taken that way, but how else was anyone supposed to take him saying on national TV that he has the right to marry four times but he was married to his wife for now?

The male ego — especially the Pakistani male ego — is fragile. It requires pandering and constant affirmations. Yes, you’re smart. Yes, you’re kind. Yes, you’re wonderful. Even when the man is none of these things. This is not unique to Pakistani men — there are small men all over the world who can’t stand to see women, particularly the women linked to them, surpass them. They then take any opportunity they get to put those women down. Jokes about their jobs, their appearances, and, in this case, their right to marry again.

Even if their wife is not more successful than them, some husbands often take any opportunity they can to knock their wives down a few pegs with ‘jokes’. In fact, Pakistanis are no strangers to uncles making fun of their wives in public and then turning around to say it was just a ‘joke’. If the wife were to return that favour with an equally pointed ‘joke’, it is almost certain that it would not be taken well.

It also goes to show that men need to make sure everyone knows how much ‘power’ they hold. After all, what better way to assert your dominance than to show that you hold the reins and the all the power the patriarchy has bestowed upon you? And they won’t shy away from using religion to make that point.

So when Danish Taimoor had the opportunity to knock his wife down a few pegs on TV, he took it. That’ll show her — and the rest of the world — that you’re just as famous as she is, and even if you’re not, you hold her ‘fate’ in your hands with a ‘filhaal’.

Well, congratulations Danish Taimoor. You’re famous. Just not for the reasons you’d like to be.