What India (probably) hoped to learn by tapping PM Imran's phone

What India (probably) hoped to learn by tapping PM Imran's phone

Our top guesses? Style tips and pigeon hideouts. (This article is meant to be taken in a humourous stride)
Updated 20 Jul, 2021

By now, everyone has heard the news that India attempted to hack a phone number once used by Prime Minister Imran Khan. It used an Israeli company's spyware in attempted and successful hacks of smartphones belonging to journalists, government officials and human rights activists around the world.

While there are some obvious guesses as to what India was hoping to find by hacking our premier's phone, we're going to think outside the box and have come up with a list of 'secrets' our neighbours probably wanted to know.

Cricket intel

Recipe to produce express pacers at will! Back in the day, the prime minister had a knack for mentoring fast bowlers (read Wasim, Waqar). India, meanwhile, have long came up empty in their search to replicate Pakistan’s pace battery. Perhaps, the Modi government was hoping to help out BCCI and find out PM Imran’s secret ingredient that makes Pakistan’s pacers turn into Shoaib Akhtar.

How the PM likes his tea

No matter how PM Imran takes his tea, we know that the Indians are aware of how fantastic it is. So this attempt might have just been to find out the secret to Pakistan's famous chai — and we can't really blame them for wanting to know!

How IK keeps his swagger

How to wear a waistcoat with style and just where does he get his shalwar kameez stitched? These are burning questions we believe India wants answered because when it comes to fashion and swagger, there's no comparison between India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi and our PM Imran.

(We wouldn't mind finding out who the prime minister's tailor is either. Just saying.)

Then there's obviously the title of 'handsome PM'; so perhaps the other side was merely curious to know his daily fitness regime.

Where does he keep the pigeons?!

The bane of India's existence — those darn spy pigeons. "They HAVE to be kept somewhere in Pakistan and Imran Khan definitely knows where they are," said someone across the border, probably, imagining something resembling the lair of a villain in a James Bond movie.

Who coined the Ghabrana nahi hai phrase?

This phrase, liked by some Pakistanis and repetitive for others, has become the trademark for Imran Khan's tenure as premier. Now, we can't think of anything as catchy that Modi is known for. Perhaps the Indians wanted to know who the brains was behind the famous Ghabrana nahi hai and come up with their own 'don't worry, homies' catchphrase.

How to write an absolute banger of a song

Bewafa, Bewafa, Bewafa nikli hai tu... Oh wait, that's the wrong Imran Khan. Could it be that India was actually looking for the musician and NOT the prime minister? Considering what a powerhouse performer the other Imran is, we would completely understand.

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical piece


M. Saeed Jul 20, 2021 02:29pm
Don't say i was not informed. Parday main rehnay do----pardah jo uthh gaya to? ----Bhaid ghul jayay ga Modinath !
Ahmad Gul Nazir Jul 20, 2021 02:44pm
It's funny.....
Fastrack Jul 20, 2021 03:00pm
Nobody in their wildest imagination would have dared make light of the matter had it been done by Pakistan to India.
Kiran Jul 20, 2021 03:08pm
Absolutely brilliant and thoroughly entertaining piece of writing.
bhaRAT© Jul 20, 2021 03:28pm
Modi was jealous of Imran Khan's charisma...wished to copy him.
El Cid Jul 20, 2021 03:28pm
The Shining...!
Bakra Jul 20, 2021 03:40pm
Fantastic write up
fayyaz ali khan Jul 20, 2021 03:42pm
What about, Who is helping him beat the Indian sponsored political and financial mafias???
Tamara Jul 20, 2021 03:58pm
Brilliantly and aptly written.
Zak Jul 20, 2021 04:02pm
Even if modi got the secrets to the above list, still he could not emulate it. No personality, looks or character-zero.
Fast comment Jul 20, 2021 04:03pm
Matter of concern. Precautions & damage control measures be taken without loss of time. The Indian opposition more irritated as all prominent figures cell phones were intruded including Rahul Gandhi, Besides big media houses bosses too faced the same fate. They have already began calling BJP as BJP- Jasoos Party. BJP now exposed as involved in EU info Labs internationally, and covert deals with corporates domestically. Things are not normal in once incredible India. Since even judges were not spared, the Indian SC may take suo moto action and take PM Modi Administration to task, and ask why it sign as secret deal with some company abroad to spy on opposition, press, judiciary. This is illegitimate, unconstitutional, and unpardonable under any circumstances.
Dr. Salaria, Aamir Ahmad Jul 20, 2021 04:16pm
What else could be expected of racist, bigot, liar, prejudiced, wicked and biased Modi and his fascist, cunning, crooked, cruel, corrupt and criminal R.S.S. and BJP cronies running aggressively in the corridors of power at Old and New Delhi since 2016?
Ali Mehdi Jul 20, 2021 04:50pm
Modi’s behind the scene pictures says it all. He’s peeking at PMIK right from there. He’s prying. Hahaha who could have taken such a spot on picture. Picture says a thousand words. Great job Dawn image team.
Imran khan Jul 20, 2021 05:57pm
Gujju can never be like the great khan
Babaji Jul 20, 2021 06:19pm
Funny. Shows how inconsequential IK really is.... Brilliant
Ga Jul 20, 2021 07:16pm
Love the picture. That is so Modi. Conniving and deceitful.
Kris Jul 20, 2021 08:28pm
Nah. he just wanted to know how to build a road with so many U-turns.
Bila Jul 20, 2021 11:09pm
Modi has no comparison with IK. These are just a few ones. IK speech, communication and use of gestures has no match.
Ibrahim S Jul 20, 2021 11:47pm
Modi got caught with his hand in a cookies jar.
Tariq Awan Jul 21, 2021 02:12am
They wanted to check if he is still messing up with their women!
amer Jul 21, 2021 02:17am
This news is not funny.
KK Jul 21, 2021 02:55am
Very entertaining and funny. Exposes the comical side of incredible India
No Groping Palms Jul 21, 2021 03:37am
He wanted to know the secret of the leaking ceiling airport
Peter Jul 21, 2021 04:23am
So you are trying to prove that its not serious matter? You guys have no idea how serious of crime is this. But making fun of your own PM as it was useless to hack him.
Vijay B. Jul 21, 2021 06:49am
@Kris "He just wanted to know how to build a road with so many U-turns." Yours is the best of all the postings here. Keep it up.
LAHORI KID Jul 21, 2021 08:05am
Absolutely hilarious, thanks for a laugh in today’s constant bad news and Delta variant spreading like California’s wild fires.
Raj Jul 21, 2021 08:37am
Maybe to find out what time and how many times a day he gets his daily fix.
Anonymouseee Jul 21, 2021 08:38am
A person is born with charisma and personality which Modi lacks completely.
Hassaan Jul 21, 2021 08:47am
How about: Who he takes orders from?
Zahid Jul 21, 2021 11:02am
@Fastrack very true!
Kohi Jul 21, 2021 11:07am
Serious businesses have become a matter of joke due to hullorious & humorous attitude of the governments of both side!
SARA Jul 21, 2021 01:14pm
@Fastrack Totally agree. If it was the other way around, we would be getting threats and alarming acceleration on the border. Indian mindset is very aggressive in general.
EQ8R__1 Jul 21, 2021 06:49pm
@Ga , You couldn't stop long enough to have FUN? Pity!