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What PM Imran Khan and Hamza Ali Abbasi got wrong about family values in Pakistan

What PM Imran Khan and Hamza Ali Abbasi got wrong about family values in Pakistan

Women are routinely abused and silenced within our so called "family system". So why is the PM calling it our strength?
Updated 07 Dec, 2020

Hamza Ali Abbasi's always been a big PM Imran Khan fan, so you can imagine the actor was over the moon when he got to sit down with the prime minister and pick his brain.

In the hour long interview, the duo's conversation was a little all over the place yet going around in circles as they spoke about the lasting effects of colonisation, the role of media in shaping the nation and accountability, among other things. But what grabbed our attention was the PTI chairman reiterating multiple times how Pakistan's strength is our family system.

"When I was growing up, Pakistan was heavily influenced by colonisation and the west. Previously, this strong hold was in the form of slavery but today, it is in the form of mental slavery," he said. "While you despise those who control you, in a way you also get influenced by them, looking up to them and wanting to be like them."

"Previously, the divorce rate abroad was 1 in 14, and 30 years later, it increased to 70%," he added a little later.

Speaking about a rising divorce rate in South Asian communities, Khan said the more we look towards the west and adopt their "immoral mannerisms", the more we'll see a ripple effect of that in our own society, chipping away at our traditional familial values and norms, which are supposedly so great.

Read: Imran Khan knows nothing about motherhood and feminism, so we wrote him a cheat sheet

Also read: PM Imran Khan says Aurat March is a result of cultural differences like it's a bad thing

While we as a country love pride themselves on our culture and the respect we have for the sanctity of marriage, we are often quick to forget that the entire arrangement is largely based on the sacrifices of women, who because of the stigma surrounding divorce, chose to suffer in silence for decades on end.

Twitter user Sundus Saleemi hit the nail on the head with this thread:

Many others chimed in, reminding Khan about all those marginalised by our so-called family system:

Here's hoping that those in charge of policy making, such as Khan, stop living in denial about what our culture has come to entail and start calling a spade a spade. Blaming the west for everything wrong in our own backyard won't do us any favours.

Comments

Drone Dec 07, 2020 07:10pm
PMIK is a loser.
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PostMan Dec 07, 2020 07:11pm
Ok mixing a lot of things together does not help. Child abuse is a problem whether there is family system in society or no system. Yes, women in our society get abused due to this system but people (male and females) get help if they are not financially independent. It would be better if domestic abuse is discussed separately since it is important. Family system might contribute to domestic abuse but its not the reason for it because otherwise there would be no domestic abuse in societies which are being talked about. Johnny Depp anyone?
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Annie Dec 07, 2020 07:29pm
The system works for men, so Imran and Hamza don't care
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The Bitter Truth Dec 07, 2020 07:33pm
Imran Khan is a hypocrite.
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Justice First Dec 07, 2020 07:35pm
Agree,look like the ostrich has put the head in the sand.
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bhaRAT© Dec 07, 2020 07:37pm
@Annie There are many flaws here but on balance, our family system is still better. That was the point really.
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Sam Dec 07, 2020 07:39pm
Because that is what they believe in. At least they are honest.
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Pplaris Dec 07, 2020 07:39pm
Pakistan has become a difficult country to govern due to corruption and more corruption.
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Amna Dec 07, 2020 07:40pm
A mother of five was made to divorce her husband so she could be married to him. Wow. What a family system we are so proud of..
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Thunderbird Dec 07, 2020 08:01pm
Western society is glamorous to most Pakistanis but single families with moms looking after up to four children , children growing up without fathers, men having children with several women. Strong gang culture due to lack of supervision by father figure are also the other side of the coin.
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M. Emad Dec 07, 2020 08:30pm
Different provinces (regions) have different family values/ social customs in Pakistan ---- all male-dominated and backdated.
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Chrís Dăn Dec 07, 2020 09:30pm
@PostMan in Pakistan,marriage and family abuse are intrinsically connected.
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Chrís Dăn Dec 07, 2020 09:30pm
@Annie true.
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Chrís Dăn Dec 07, 2020 09:33pm
@bhaRAT© our family system is good only and only for men.Man has no check and man has no accountability system .Pakistani system is toxic for women who live under thumb of father and of husband. Children are abused in mosques. You call it better?
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Chrís Dăn Dec 07, 2020 09:34pm
@Amna only elite can do it. A woman of five children can never dare it in middle class
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AAA Dec 07, 2020 11:02pm
That's an open truth, mostly women here force to continue their failed marriages due to financial constrain, if they are financially independent then they will never go with it and it's not about inspired by west thing, it's about realization, they does, yet we are still at denial and the option of divorce is available in Islam for very reason, as marriage is just an a social contract, what makes it till to death is love and freedom to love, instead of forcing it. Also Imran and Hamza both got quite modest life style and yet when it comes to advise to public, they advice us like Mullahs, while living their lives totally opposite to their own advice, just hypocrisy, nothing else.
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hussain Dec 07, 2020 11:17pm
child abuse, domestic violence and rape exist in all societies, there are many positives and negatives that can be highlighted in every nation's. from the above comments all I see are the liberals who like ostriches stick their head in the ground and their areas in the air. The PM did not deny that these awful things do not occur in.our society, the questions being asked is why and how do we minimise these crimes, and see and make corrections so we can avoid some of the pitfalls.
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Waqas Ahmad Dec 07, 2020 11:21pm
@PostMan ppl here r so obsessed with the west they fail to see the real problem
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Basra Dec 07, 2020 11:31pm
In the USA 63% of women have experienced violence by an intimate partner. Pakistan is Not that Bad.
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Shakeel Dec 07, 2020 11:41pm
@Annie well said
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Fast comment Dec 08, 2020 12:25am
It was a frank candid talk show. Nothing wrong noted.
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bhaRAT© Dec 08, 2020 01:13am
@Chrís Dăn Did you read the whole comment? "on balance"!!
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Waseem, Canada Dec 08, 2020 02:09am
Disappointed to see so many negative opinions against traditional eastern values. These people know nothing of the west.
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F.Iqbal Dec 08, 2020 02:14am
Dear Readers Your criticism is valid. Let us make it positive, please propose suggestions for the improvement of our society and women folk.
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biden Dec 08, 2020 02:34am
intolerance everywhere. don't negate outright everyone's point
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Toni Dec 08, 2020 02:44am
No Harassment, sexual or otherwise by either gender, get educated, innovate, create, find a job; marriage is not a means to an end, so divorce unnecessary when no marriage, an outdated institution. Make choices that are yours, who you marry, have kids with and earn money from a job, but please stop whining and just get on with disrupting the system by going it alone and together, form women enterprises, hire men or women. Do what you want, tell your parents, because that is where it starts; The Family.
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N. Rahim Dec 08, 2020 03:06am
@PostMan You are right in my opinion.
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Beelzebublis Dec 08, 2020 03:14am
IK is currently married to wife number 3, should he be talking about divorce?
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Firangi Dec 08, 2020 03:52am
Don’t compare Pakistan, North India with South India, South India was protected from various invasions and thus enjoys a much more well rounded and balanced family model
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Sam Shinde Dec 08, 2020 04:01am
Giving sermons about divorce? The man who has divorced 2 times. Does he really mean what he says? Strange.
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MONIER Dec 08, 2020 04:04am
Blind following of the westerner values is a form of mental slavery
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Z Dec 08, 2020 04:19am
'Oppression' against women is not because of the fundamental nature of the family system in Pakistan (Man = breadwinner, Woman = care-taker of kids, house, in laws), rather it is because of the exploitation of this very system by degenerate societal norms that have come about due to a vacuum created by a lack of justice and policy implementation. If a woman is raped, she is denied access to justice either via the absence of legislation or the inadequate or absent law enforcement. With no recourse and hope for justice, this practice slowly descends into a societal norm that THEN exploits the nature of the family system. Women are forced to stay in a marriage that was exploited - it is not her primary role in the marriage that exploited her. It is not the family system at fault, it is the lack of freedom for women to utilise avenues of justice. I believe the PM was speaking about the family system independent of the superimposed degenerate norms that exploit them.
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Ghaznavi Dec 08, 2020 04:45am
Yes women have it bad in Pakistan but don’t follow the west improve your own system and give women their rights
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Shahid Mahmood Dec 08, 2020 04:51am
Do we have more women abuse than in those other countries where the family system is not so strong as ours? The answer is a big NO. Child abuse and women abuse are separate issues from what a strong family system contributes to our society.
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Sameer Dec 08, 2020 04:52am
@M. Emad you prefer India to Pak?
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N abidai Dec 08, 2020 05:22am
The PM is talking about good strong family system! This means good ethics , respect for rules of good behaviors! Getting married for good reasons and being truthful to your self and others!
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N abidai Dec 08, 2020 05:25am
@Annie women needs to stop the victim mind set, in Pakistan learns to be proactive, abuse is a power game, learn prevention, get education, get skills !
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saeeds Dec 08, 2020 06:09am
Women are the one suffer in South east Asia family system. Women need freedom from this system. After Democracy free thinking. Comes. In India started , we are lagging quite a bit.
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THE MORNING STAR, MD. Dec 08, 2020 06:18am
Yea but what about abused men like me.
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Only Dec 08, 2020 07:01am
Comfortably blaming west, India, NZ for your failures.
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Wajahat Dec 08, 2020 07:33am
Why does everything have to become a feminist issue? When they said our family values are good, he meant respect for elders, parents being looked after by their kids. Families living together and supporting each other through thick and thin. We as a nation have a inferiority complex & we strive to be like the western society - unfortunately we never focus on what has made those societies so successful, their moral fiber. Time to take pride in your values as a religion & nation and in parallel raise our voice against domestic abuse. FYI - look up stats on domestic abuse in Western countries before bashing our own country.
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Mrs.khalil Dec 08, 2020 07:37am
Famous English saying, only son is a spoiled son , not hundred percent true , but when comes to Imran khan, to some extent it is true, Now as a prime minister he should try to be more well behaved and try to use proper words even when he’s talking about its opponents.
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Maryam Siddique Dec 08, 2020 08:11am
@Annie yes and Pakistanis worshipped Bhutto Nawaz Zardari Zia and now they worship Imran Khan so they cant see anything wrong with Imran Khan is saying because Imran Khan is as POPULAR as the others were yesterday. If voters look for HEROES to worship instead of PMs who can deliver then what do you expect. What does Family Value System has anything to do with Pakistan PM performance. So is Imran Khan taking credit for the fact that Pakistan has a higher or lower rate. Is this something to do with good governance.
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amit Dec 08, 2020 08:17am
kudos to women for speaking out. Our societies have still long road ahead towards equality. Though I am against divorce, I agree than women needs more respect, more financial freedom, more social status. Need work on mentality of men. Better education towards these issues is the way to go. As they say "Catch them young".
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Ifti Malik Dec 08, 2020 09:05am
@Drone , 100%
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Ifti Malik Dec 08, 2020 09:06am
@The Bitter Truth glad someone recognises the truth in Pakistan.
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Manju Dec 08, 2020 10:05am
@bhaRAT© acknowledging that there is an issue is first step in the direction of addressing the issue. As long as we believe that present situation is better there is no reason for fixing the rotten system. Look at the education of girls, without education they are denied their basic rights. What PMIK has done on this. Shame on any government which will not provide proper education for children
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zahid Dec 08, 2020 10:10am
I was so struck by grossly misleading depiction of Western society through Imran Khan's eyes. What he saw and observed in the West was not what most people who are honest, hard working average people trying to support their families and whose contributions make the West a productive society with equality and social justice. He was a 'start' and lived a colorful and lavish life with a tiny minority made up of pop culture icons and socialites and sure, their life is full of pursuit of happiness, materialism and in some cases, drug abuse. Overall, it was a pretty disappointing interview.
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zahid Dec 08, 2020 10:14am
@Amna Exactly, family system in Imran Khan and PTI's 'alternate universe'. Unbelievable level of hypocrisy.
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Beelzebublis Dec 08, 2020 10:21am
@Amna You stole the words out of my mouth.
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Salman Dec 08, 2020 10:25am
our family system is much better
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Maz Dec 08, 2020 10:41am
What an irony....a person like PM commenting on family values......
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vin Dec 08, 2020 11:09am
Good, but how many times did PMIK divorce? What happened to the family system and values in his case?
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Arslan Saleem Dec 08, 2020 12:56pm
After reading comments having unnecessary criticism I am able to conclude naively that problem of most of our women is that they realise wisdom only after time passes and it remains of no use. Emotions are strength of a woman, Men are weak there, But excess of everything is bad. If Emotional blunders could be rated as crimes, we will have more cases of emotional blunders than sexual abuse for sure.
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Sohaib Dec 08, 2020 01:41pm
child abuse and marginalization of women is because of our family system ? That’s like saying that skin problems are because of the Sun and if it wasn’t there everything will be alright. Diagnose and focus on the real reasons behind child abuse and the challenges faced by our women, instead of aping failed systems and please avoid generalizations
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Ash Dec 08, 2020 02:13pm
One should not misconstrue what he really meant. He meant when the family system is intact in a good way it helps the society as a whole.its very true that the family system has collapsed in the west with children bearing the brunt of it. Why can’t people look at the good being done by him. He is not perfect, but neither are we
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Humayun Dec 08, 2020 06:14pm
@PostMan Completely agree with your points. I firmly believe Imran Khan is a genuine politician who has the best intentions at heart for all Pakistanis but he he was mixing different issues and completely generalizing without appreciating other significant socioeconomic factors that play a part. I expected more sensitivity from him on such an important matter that affects everyone .
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Adil Jadoon Dec 09, 2020 08:45am
I am not sure what the PM is going on about. He should identify all the shortcomings of our society so they maybe addressed. What is he so proud of ? Child abuse, child marriages, slave mentality, gullibility or corruption.
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Usman Saifullah Dec 09, 2020 09:43am
@Annie Please suggest currently a working system in any part of world that works for women and then anyone can discuss its merits and why it works.
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Usman Saifullah Dec 09, 2020 09:47am
@Amna I don't think "Hearsay" qualifies as an argument anywhere in the world and you said "was made to" hence i am sure you must have undeniable evidence that proves you are right. Who marries who is a personal decision and if it is banned by Islam or any other social norm let me know.
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Laila Dec 09, 2020 06:28pm
The author of this article hit the nail on the head. Talaq (divorce) is a buffet table foit men. His divine right. But for women we have stigmatized divorce as a taboo. Suffer any and every abuse, be degraded, worked like a slave, mistreated, stripped of your rights, be killed even, BUT never leave. Divorce is not option. If a woman pursues it she is going against longheld social norms and a misogynistic and patriarchal culture where the whole family's alleged izzat lies in her suffering nd being oppressed. Why? Because she is born a girlm divorce is frowned upon even in my family. The tales I could tell. I cry on the inside knowing what women from previous generation went through. Including my grandmother. Because they had no financial or social security.
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Dr Sadiq Anwar Dec 10, 2020 01:03pm
When you have nothing to show for last 70-75 years, family values and culture comes handy.
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Laila Dec 11, 2020 12:36pm
@bhaRAT© there are many fundamental and lifelong flaws in our so-called family system. So on balance it is not better - unless of course you're male. That's essentially goes for our entire patriarchal culture. We need to confront that in order to change it. Denial is not an option. That's the point Annie is making.
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Laila Dec 11, 2020 01:10pm
@Waseem, Canada so when will you return to Pakistan and settle here? Or is it "Do as I say not as I do" ?
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Laila Dec 11, 2020 01:14pm
@Shahid Mahmood the answer is YES. We are the 6th most dangerous nation for women to live in. Misogyny and patriarchy is rampant under the guise of eastern values and morals and widely documented. Women are stigmatized over things that are natural rights. Open your eyes, brother.
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Laila Dec 11, 2020 01:19pm
@Wajahat why does critisicm and opposing views have to be labeled feminism? I suppose according to you then Islam is feminism too? It's not about bashing but countering views which are out of tune with reality of women an females in Pakistan even today. Misogyny an and patriarchy is passed off as family system, eastern morals and values. Abuse is rife and we dont need to compare to the West to know this. We have eyes and ears. We live here. We know what happens in our country.
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