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‘If it happened once, it will happen again’: Juggan Kazim recalls harrowing experience with domestic violence

‘If it happened once, it will happen again’: Juggan Kazim recalls harrowing experience with domestic violence

The actor was in an abusive marriage for over a year and had a message for women — leave at the first sign of abuse.
Updated 20 Jul, 2024

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN.

Actor Juggan Kazim opened up about the domestic violence she endured during her first marriage and has urged everyone to take the first sign of abuse very seriously. “You must make a decision there and then,” she cautioned.

In an appearance on Adnan Faisal’s podcast, Kazim recalled being beaten to a pulp in her first marriage, even while she was seven months pregnant. The actor said she stayed in that abusive relationship for a year and a half until she finally decided to grab her kid and leave.

Recalling the Zahir Jaffer-Noor Mukadam case, Kazim said she had nightmares at the time because all the graphic details would pop up online and would remind her of the abuse she faced. “I felt like someone was twisting my insides because that case showed me that all my fears were real, that I too could have ended up killed and defiled. I don’t fear dying, I fear dying in disgrace.”

Kazim noted that domestic violence is rampant in Pakistan. “I have been beaten for 1.5 years so I will tell you this, the first time he raises his hand on you, actually, the first time he uses foul language, it should ring an alarm. We all know gaalis [expletives] but once you have crossed that boundary with language, it won’t be long before you cross other boundaries too.”

She reiterated that the first time a man hits a woman won’t be the last time. “If it happened once it will happen again and a woman needs to make a decision then and there. I didn’t make one so I suffered.” When the host asked if she felt she made a mistake by not stepping up the first time, Kazim said, “No, Hamza wouldn’t have happened if I did.”

Hamza is Kazim’s son from her first marriage.

The actor went on to share that the first time her ex-husband hit her was three weeks into their marriage. She also admitted that getting married was her choice because he was a ‘good-looking’ guy. “My fault, no one else’s,” she said.

The actor said that she did not talk about the abuse she endured when the Noor Mukadam case came to light because she didn’t want to go viral for it, especially when so much else was happening.

“Everyone at the time shared their struggle with abuse and I didn’t want to jump on that bandwagon. I am talking today because I know what I’m saying won’t go viral now, but those listening will understand when I say, I thought I would also die at the hands of that man when I was getting beaten.”

She recalled being thrown out of the house seven months into her pregnancy. “I had a huge tummy, he tore my clothes, not just a little, like properly tore my clothes and threw me out of the apartment. God bless my neighbours who came to me and covered me up.”

The Hadsa actor also opened up about her marriage to Feisal Naqvi after getting out of that abusive first marriage. Recalling how headlines were made about her tying the knot with a ‘well-settled’ lawyer, she said she was earning more than him at the time.

“I earned more than Feisal did when we got married. But a big deal was made about his wealth to make it sound like I was marrying him for money. And when the time came to buy a house, I bought it. Not because my husband couldn’t but because I wanted to. I strictly told him, ‘You will not invest in this house,’ because I had had enough of people telling me that this is your father’s house or that is your husband’s house. I wanted my own house,” she shared.

Kazim’s story serves as a stark reminder that signs of abuse, whether verbal or physical, should not be ignored. The actor’s message is clear: abuse is never acceptable and that taking action at the first sign of it is imperative.

Comments

Laila Jul 20, 2024 04:13pm
If you communicate using your hand, fist or a bat/knife/belt/shoe/, then you have no business talking. When you hit somebody, its disrespecting them. It's instilling fear in them of you. Marriages are not based on fear. No matter how much such people disguise it as the right of being a man or divine right. The first time somebody he hits you, LEAVE. Society needs to stop making women feel guilty for not accepting and tolerating abuse in the name of "ghar basana". You can't make a home or save a marriage where you have no respect or humanity.
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Taj Ahmad Jul 20, 2024 05:10pm
Domestic violence is very common in South Asian Communities, specifically in India and Pakistan. Men’s think they are upper hand than Women’s and powerful as well and that is the problem in our society. No religion allows or permits to attack on women by man specially married couples or husband and wife, always respect each other’s and if there is any issue just solve it peacefully and forgive each others before sleep at night.
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Dr. Salaria, Aamir Ahmad Jul 20, 2024 05:44pm
Are we still living in the dark ages?
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Laila Jul 20, 2024 07:11pm
Domestic violence is normalised in Pakistan. Nobody talks about it. The clerics and Islamic Council refuse to let protective laws and bill pass against DM claiming it's a mans divine right. Politicians threaten female counterparts with violence. Society, family and elders tell women "divorce is sinful, what about the kids, what will people say?", and don't let them return home. Dramas also normalise DV. Not a single drama with at least one woman being slapped. Society stigmatise divorcees and nobody wants to marry them. It's an entire mindset that has to be changed and women need to find the strength to walk away and be financially independent or know a skill or have a qualification anything that can secure their survival. Even if families won't take them, at least they can find a place of their own. Raising children in DV home exposes them to abuse too and they learn that DV is normal and so the generational cycle of abuse continues. Of course, NOT all males are like this. But majority are.
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Ehsan Jul 20, 2024 07:45pm
We have a nation need to learn how to resolves issues without being physical
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Taj Ahmad Jul 20, 2024 08:05pm
Very true and well said by Laila as above.
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suman902 Jul 20, 2024 08:21pm
No to physical or verbal abuse and Gaalis from either partner-male or female. First signs walk out. Speaking from experience. I am a man. Endured 20 years of verbal abuse , including choicest gaalis about my parents, my lack of drive etc. before I finally decided to end it in spite of enormous financial loss. Had I walked out earlier, I would have been a much happier and wealthier man. I want to live the rest of my life in peace.
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Dr. Salaria, Aamir Ahmad Jul 20, 2024 10:07pm
Tip of the iceberg.
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M. Saeed Jul 21, 2024 01:48pm
There.are covert toxic monsters and sadistic men around, who only marry for satisfying their inbuilt ill born sadistic tendencies carried into their genes. They are not trained or nurtured as such but are results of some grave wrong sustained by their ancestors. They are the unfortunate creations of nature.
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sheikh Jul 21, 2024 02:32pm
To hit anyone physically is always a bad act. But one needs to realize what was the cause of someone hitting anyone , did the person abuse his or her partner or did not respect his partner boundaries? Further to mention, when kids come in picture , both the husband and wife need to cooperate with each other, and try to resolve their differences , not to simply break the family unit. As a result, not only husband and wife, but the kids suffer, who can't have both of their parents at a time. People should realize to be patient and try to understand each other , otherwise we will end up in a society like west which has broken family units.
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Dr. Salaria, Aamir Ahmad Jul 21, 2024 03:47pm
Tip of the iceberg.
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Fazal Qadir Jul 21, 2024 05:00pm
Yes Respect and love are essentially important in every relation. Both the abovementioned qualities make the relation stronger, robust and durable. In the absence of these qualities, the relation is always hanging with a thread and breaks in a very short span of time.
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Laila Jul 22, 2024 12:40pm
@SHEIKH, There is no "but". You are trying to justify domestic violence by saying we should look at the reason. So according to you if a wife abuses her husband or doesn't respect his boundaries, that gives him the right to hit her? The husband being physically stronger should keep in mind when he hits his wife, he has already broken the trust and marriage. Children also suffer, as sons learn, it's ok to hit females and daughters learn that they should tolerate abusive males. Thus generational abuse continues. Studies show, living in dysfunctional, abusive and violent "family units" are more damaging for children than divorce. Violence/abuse is unacceptable and legitimate reason for divorce. Stigmatising divorce continues to empower abusive husbands who have long enjoyed (still do) unbridled liberty in Pakistan. It's better to be divorced than be miserable together. That's why divorce exist. Divorce happens when two people are incompatible or can not live together peacefully. Nobody seeks marriage to be abused, intimidated or beaten. There is never a reason to hit your partner.
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Laila Jul 22, 2024 12:45pm
@SUMAN902 It's good you are in a better place today. It's sad you ensured 20 years of abuse. A husbands has the right to be respected too as well and not be emasculated emotionally, verbally or other. I hope you found a new spouse who treats you well.
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