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Anoushey Ashraf shares ‘scary’ experience with stalker, emphasises the need to believe women

Anoushey Ashraf shares ‘scary’ experience with stalker, emphasises the need to believe women

As a guest on comedian Ali Gul Pir's podcast, the duo discussed how men need to take accountability for their actions.
07 Dec, 2022

RJ and actor Anoushey Ashraf is very vocal when it comes to talking about what she believes is right. Engaging in a very honest conversation with comedian Ali Gul Pir, she opened up about her experience with a stalker on his podcast. The discussion delved deeper into the matter and the two friends discussed abuse allegations by women and how men need to take accountability for their actions.

The latest episode of AGP Podcast dropped on Tuesday. When the discussion moved towards discussing online trolls and haters, Gul Pir mentioned that Ashraf has had a real-life stalker. “It was very very scary because I had to cut an FIR but there was no other choice. Here, I feel like, you just hear [about it] but it can happen to anyone,” she said. “Somebody killed somebody, somebody got offended and threw acid at somebody or kidnapped somebody. Far and few but it’s not like it doesn’t happen. Why do we feel like it might not have happened to someone with influence?”

Repeating that it can happen to anyone, the RJ said she also told the guy’s family after filing the FIR. “That too, after [giving him] four chances and they were ‘very sad’. They were like don’t do this but I wasn’t doing it for myself. I could have kept a guard or since I’m from a TV channel, I could have requested security. I was like, he’s not going to do this to me, he will be rid of me but what if tomorrow he does to some other girl?”

She talked about how those women would not be able to fight back. “And they’re not able to do anything about it — they get harassed in buses, in stores, in salons. They can’t stand up for themselves and no one takes them seriously. Many of their family members blame them for getting harassed or stalked, [saying] that you smiled at them — that’s what the guy said to the police guy. He asked him, ‘Why are you bothering Anoushey?’ He was like, ‘She got off stage and smiled at me so I thought she likes me.’”

Ashraf addressed the fact that women who speak up often face victim blaming. “And if I say this, maybe people in your show’s comment section will say when you dress like this and meet men like this, what do you [expect]? My case dies right there. They can stalk me, be a threat to my life but how is it their fault when I’m the one sitting here enticing them. Where do I go then?”

She also talked about the difficult position one can be in when someone close to them is accused of harassment. “It’s difficult, I get it. Someone can even blame your brother or your friend — and that has happened to me, I have felt a lot of pain and have faced difficulty in navigating [the situation],” she shared. “But without naming anyone, I’d like to say that the topic being discussed is bigger than any individual, if one per cent of the women are exaggerating the story, I’m not even saying lying ‘cause they’re not lying but if they’re even exaggerating the story, 99 per cent is the truth.”

Adding on to the point about believing women, she asked, “How can you deny it? You live in Pakistan, look around you. I’ve seen people beat up dogs. There are people who rape children in this country, why would they not hit women? The odds are too much in favour of the cause for you to not believe in the cause.”

She gave an example of her friend getting accused and explained how she would react. “If tomorrow someone says Ali Gul Pir did something and you’re friends with him, what will I do? I will have to listen to your side of the story and make my own decision, it’s very hard,” she told the comedian. “We just have to speak up in favour of the cause. That has happened with somebody who’s very close to me off television, some girl said and I spoke to him about it. And I was like ‘The least I can tell you to do in this situation is to come out publicly and apologise. Say that if I have ever harassed you or hurt you, please forgive me, I won’t be able to forgive myself for making you feel this way.’”

She also shared an experience of when she was on the other side of the argument. “Men react with ‘I have never done anything like this.’ This happened with me also when I confronted a friend and said I felt a certain way, [he said], ‘What do you want from me? I will take you to court.’ What would I want from you? I’m the one who will get badmouthed here if I tell people my friend harassed me.”

The two friends talked about the need for men to take accountability for their actions, whether they intentionally made someone uncomfortable or even if it was unintentional. Gul Pir said owning up to it is important instead of dismissing someone’s experience.

Comments

M. Saeed Dec 07, 2022 02:02pm
When they dress like this and meet men like this, what do you expect? The issue dies right there. They can stalk, be a threat to life but how is it their fault when they are the ones enticing them? The solution is in self defence by not being visible to such abusers.
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Frank Dec 07, 2022 02:23pm
Women are angelic beings that never lie.
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Citizen Dec 07, 2022 02:25pm
Believe all women is a dangerous precedent, unfortunately, not all women tell the truth! Every incident should be fully investigated before credence is given to any claim! The west has already seen the problem with this, look at Amber Heard Johnny Depp case and the case with Aziz Ansari to mention a few.
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Ali Dec 07, 2022 03:52pm
Men will not be held accountable unless women also held accountable to appropriate dressing according to their culture. If you roam around with revealing clothes then all men are not gentlemen.
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Jamil Soomro, New York City Dec 07, 2022 04:51pm
Enjoyed watching Ali Gul Pir's conversation with Anoushey Ashraf. She is quite impressive, open and full of strong confidence personality. People like her are a hit in social parties.
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Zak Dec 07, 2022 06:07pm
Most violence is against women and most of the time, women gets blamed for nothing. Time to introspect.
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John Dec 07, 2022 06:33pm
Anoushay is right. We should always respect our fathers
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Rehana Bounse Dec 07, 2022 07:05pm
@M. Saeed here we go again! Dressing to get teased or harassed in Pakistan is very tricky in Pakistan. A smile, talking, or just being courteous triggers guys/men in Pakistan. What about the wagon driver, the person you work with, your male family members, brothers’ friends, male teacher~ almost every male is triggered by women /young women & girls in Pakistan. No self control at all. How will men go about in the big wide World without being triggered. It’s the women who are strong who go about their lives with a smile when insides are all broken. Women don’t even dress up in a certain way in Pakistan but still no control . Get a hobby, community service , volunteer, healthy relationships with friends & learn to read any print material you get
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M. Shahid Yousuf Dec 07, 2022 07:37pm
Believe all women ? Would Anoushey Ashraf believe the maid if the maid said Ashraf's father had touched her inappropriately ? Yes believe all women.
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Ehsan Dec 07, 2022 08:00pm
Blaming the dress of a women is proving we men are worse than animals
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M. Shahid Yousuf Dec 07, 2022 09:11pm
" ‘cause they’re not lying but if they’re even exaggerating the story, " So exaggeration is not lying ? That is now the new standard of truth.
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Oracle Dec 07, 2022 10:01pm
@M. Saeed The solution is in mother's teaching their boy child to respect women. The society making it possible for women to be treated as equal human beings.
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Oracle Dec 07, 2022 10:03pm
@Rehana Bounse Support your views. Absolutely correct men should take responsibility for their actions and not just blame it on their hormones, saying that it is normal.
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Oracle Dec 07, 2022 10:06pm
@Rehana Bounse Mr. M. Saeed is from Bangladesh and there seems to be a systemic mindset regarding female clothes. Blame it on hormones, clothes, smile - but do not take responsibility of the boorish behavior and attitude. Animals.....?
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Pro West Dec 07, 2022 10:21pm
@Zak Rubbish. men are far more likely to be victims of violence, more likely to suffer a violent death. The ever present danger of physical violence is psychologically a part of what helps regulate men's behaviour. With women it is different. You should study psychological differences between the genders, and why women are more prone to reputational savaging than men, who are prone more to using confrontation (sometime physical) .
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Pro West Dec 07, 2022 10:30pm
@Ehsan Men are hard wired to think a certain way about the way women dress. Now, social norms come into play to dictate behaviour. In the west, the law is what stops men from acting on impulses, yet despite this women are still harassed. The figures in the west are surprising, but undeniable. I think the west is in denial about this. In Pakistan, the religion plays a big part in shaping how people see this. I know for a fact that the most immediate first response of normal men when they see a woman in public dressed inappropriately is one of horror and shock at such disregard for the values of modesty; the reaction is more "how could she/they". You can tell this is what is written on the faces of the public - even women in tune with traditional values have this reaction Sure, some men will lap it up and respond as degenerates, but it is typically blind one-sided view of things to lump the majority shock/horror/disapproval reaction in with the leering.
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Anonymouseee Dec 08, 2022 12:50am
Women cannot be believed blindly as every human being lies. Innocent u til proven guilty and no one should have any special privileges.
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Zak Dec 08, 2022 01:30am
@Pro West You need to change your educational institution. Reducate yourself while still time. See statistics all over the world, in south asia and here.
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ten Jee Dec 08, 2022 05:00am
@Pro West this is true; women in Pakistan who respect haya and modesty will be just as visceral in their condemnation of liberal women who go against religious norms. Its is not only the men who react with shock and upset. The truth is, if you have religious values inculcated within you, you will become sensitive to outward expressions of rebellious disregard for those values. And also lets be honest in dressing and conducting themselves the way these showbiz people do they too are prosletysing their values. Before anyone says "what about lying/cheating/xyz?" ... the same people will speak out about that too , but you never listen when it suits you.
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Salman Dec 08, 2022 07:15am
Men Pakistan know that they can get away with it. Their first wall of security is that the affected woman won't speak up. Their second wall of security is that even if she speaks up, "uski kon sunay ga, uskay oopar hee baat ayegi". We need to encourage our sisters to speak up, without fear of character police. And when they speak up, we should listen to them, and act.
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Kamran Dec 08, 2022 08:13am
Harassment is a reality. But really dont understand when feminists say women dont lie. Women are equal to men. Then are men inferior since the deduction is that men lie and women dont?? Reality is that women can be just as morally bereft as men. So why should any men be branded and castigated without investigation or proof?? Too many good men have already been sent to the dogs without proof at the hands of a few manipulative abusive women.
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Khan Dec 08, 2022 09:27am
Men being Men in the comments. Ridiculous!!!
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Kamran Dec 08, 2022 11:11am
@ten Jee too many high sounding words. Did not quite get the context
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John Jackson Dec 08, 2022 12:40pm
Serious puzzles me why this women is given so many headlines and platform to speak for women. We have so many more capable and educated women who deserve to be heard more than a Radio jockey.
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