Published Feb 13, 2017 05:27pm

5 people who are secretly happy about the ban on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day has been banned in Pakistan... and noone seems to care.

There's no furious hashtagging on Twitter, no one's made a sarcastic meme (yet) and we guess it's too early in the week to think about protests and rallies. Yawn.

Why the silence, we wonder?

Could it be that people don't care about Valentine's and the government's actually wasted time, resources and possibly taxpayer money in announcing an exceedingly irrelevant ban? Nah, they wouldn't do thaaat.

Also read: PTI wants Japanese cartoon series 'Doraemon' banned

Read this too: Govt unwilling to discuss YouTube ban

Wait there's more: Raees will not release in Pakistan, says the censor board

Remember this horrible day: Punjab govt moves to ban Careem and Uber

Maaaybe, people are secretly happy about the ban. Yes, that has to be it.

Here's 5 kinds of people who could be secretly happy about the ban on Valentine's Day celebrations.

1) Single people. Duh.

As Bina Shah tweeted with mock candour, "I'm single so I hate Valentine's Day anyway. You should all be as miserable as me."

Clapping for honesty.

2) Workaholics

"Valentine's is falling on a Tuesday this year. Totally inconvenient! I could have a meeting that day... My boss usually calls me in the evening... I can't afford a late night in the middle of the week..."

Just marry your job, okay?

3) The *kanjoos*

You were probably as happy about this ban as you were sad about the blocking of torrents.

"Oh no sweety, I can't take you out to that nice cafe. How about we make Maggi at home and watch a movie on my laptop?"

Phft, cheapskate.

4) The conspiracy theorist

"Let's get real. Valentine's Day is all an invention of the Illuminati. The whole concept of chocolates on V-day is a yahoodi saazish, cupid is a RAW agent and global warming is a hoax. Wake up people."

How do you sleep at night, bro?

5) The hipster

"Ugh, Valentine's Day is so commercial. Chocolates are overrated, have you ever tried kale? I'm going to follow the South Korean tradition of Candle Day."

Yeah, we don't know what that is but we doubt you do either.


This article is categorised as humour/satire.

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