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TRIGGER WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Model Saheefa Jabbar Khattak opened up about some very dark and troubling thoughts she has been experiencing in a series of Instagram stories.

“Yes, I have not been myself lately, which is very difficult for me to accept here. I may or may not know what has exactly happened but it is definitely something I can not talk about without crying my lungs out. I am in pain, I am grieving, everyday is a struggle for me,” she wrote, adding that she does not “see the light at the end of the tunnel”.

“It is all dark and gloomy for me. Yes everyday I wish death upon myself. In [the] past 60 days there has not been a single day when I haven’t cried or simply questioned everything,” she said.

The model said she has lost 12kg in the past few months and she has had to keep herself “heavily sedated” so she can “sleep off the pain”. “My family has been constantly trying to help me with it but I guess it is my battle to fight (alone) and I have to fight my demons myself. No one can come and take away my pain of me,” Khattak wrote.

“I was just telling a friend (over a voice note) that I have been leaving small hints behind to let the world know (if in the process I take my life away), [the] world needs to become a kinder place.”

She spoke about the lack of empathy in the world and how “everything has become a medium to mint money one way or another”. “Everyone must be thinking I have everything (material) what in the world can bring her pain or distress. I tell you what, I am typing all of this from a very fancy hotel in Dubai while laying on a very comfortable bed and I am still in unexplainable pain,” Khattak wrote.

“I want everyone to know who is reading this, having a nice car or a house or being able to afford anything or everything can not always assure you happiness. It (might) bring you ease but your true home is your soul and soul needs its very own kind of food,” she said. “Our soul doesn’t need money, fame or a sexy car. Our soul needs love, empathy and [to be] taken well care of.”

The model said she doesn’t know what the future holds, nor has she seen the afterlife, but her belief is that “whatever there is, is in the present and in my present I want to be happy, content and feel fulfilled”. “I want to be healed.”

She added a touching note to herself at the end of the post, “Stay put Saheefa, You are way too precious to give up on your life. This too shall pass. (Like Always).”

Khattak also added a note to everyone wishing her well and worried for her and said, “People like you are making this world a livable place. I deeply appreciate each and everyone of you for pouring in your Love. Please keep me and my family in your prayers, I have been giving some really tough time to my family lately which I just wouldn’t want at all.”

She also gave a “very public shoutout” to her husband for dealing with it all. “Seeing [the] love of your life struggling poorly each day kills you. I know you feel helpless and it is terrible and I understand that. Khizer I don’t know what good I have done in my life to deserve a support system like you.”

We’re sending love and support Khattak’s way, because it is never easy to deal with depression or suicidal thoughts. We’re glad she has a strong support system and hope she pulls out of this.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or are in a dark place mentally, know that there are people you can speak to. You can call this helpline to speak to a trained professional.