Komal Rizvi says her ex-husband hit her head with a frying pan for serving cold food
The ticking clock hovering over Pakistani women’s heads results in early marriages, often before women have fully developed as individuals. Actor and singer Komal Rizvi shared her experience with marriage at a young age and how she suffered because of it. She said her ex-husband abused her physically and psychologically, narrating an incident where he hit her with a frying pan for serving cold food.
Appearing on Nadir Ali Podcast, she opened about about this very “heavy” and “serious” topic. “Look, a girl is told from her very childhood that you are going to have a lovely wedding and your husband will really take care of you. That girl, especially in our culture, tries not 100 per cent but 200 per cent hard to save her marriage,” she said. “I have a complaint for our society — it doesn’t teach our daughters what the line is. The line, that, forget your husband, no one can cross because it will result in the loss of your self-respect, confidence and self-esteem. You won’t be able to trust yourself or have faith in yourself and your happiness will be ruined if you let them cross this line. No one taught me this.”
The ‘Washmallay’ singer said she was taught to take care of her husband, to cook and always comply with what her husband’s parents and elders say. Though she agrees that these things are reasonable, she stressed that the other side should also be addressed, how women need to be educated about establishing boundaries.
“It took me four years to realise that it isn’t my fault if he raises his hand at me or oppresses me [and that] he’s also playing mind games alongside that. Mind games like ‘It was your fault I hit you with a frying pan — why did you serve me cold food?’,” she said. “I was so young at the time that when he would repeat these same things, play psychological games, I would believe that maybe if I love him more, if I try harder, he’ll be happy with me. But a person who is sick — yes, he’s sick — a person who does such uncouth things like raising a hand on someone — there is nothing more uncouth than that — I don’t even raise a hand on a dog, forget humans.”
Rizvi highlighted the importance of drawing healthy boundaries. “I wasn’t told how I can draw that line so in that stupidity, it took me four years. Otherwise, if I had been strong, had exposure or training to distinguish between right and wrong — to know that tolerating abuse against oneself is also a sin — to abuse and to tolerate abuse are both sins. If someone had told me that, I would [be done] in six months — my three and a half years would not have been wasted,” she chuckled.
“I only have one regret — I have no regrets about my divorce, I am happy — if I have regrets, they’re only about wasting my prime youth on a person who’s still like that, he’s still at the same mental and spiritual growth levels as before,” she stated. The ‘Lambi Judaai’ singer also mentioned that when she called the cops in Oman, they refused to help, calling it a “domestic matter”.