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Nadia Afgan doesn't owe anyone an explanation for not wanting children

Nadia Afgan doesn't owe anyone an explanation for not wanting children

After being bashed online, the actor called out hurtful comments by women who shamed her for saying she doesn't want kids.
Updated 17 Jun, 2022

No one owes you an explanation for their life choices, especially when it comes to something as personal as having children. Actor Nadia Afgan was shamed for saying she didn't want children and is now speaking up against people who think they have a right to an opinion on her choices.

The actor appeared on Time Out With Ahsan Khan last Saturday alongside Omair Rana. They discussed their career choices and the roles they've done in TV shows seen recently. The conversation soon touched upon Afgan's marriage and how she and her husband "balance" everything in their house. The conversation later shifted on how Afgan spends her day with her husband where she mentioned that she has two dogs but no children. The host then chimed in and asked her if that's by choice to which she answered yes.

"At one point I thought, but then I thought it's okay, there are so many kids in the world. I'm very fearful and paranoid type of a person because I worry about his [Rana's] kids, my brother's kids, I'm very scared because the world has become so strange. Ahsan, you people are very brave because you guys have kids, I just stop breathing," she said. Rana chimed in and added that Afgan is the "best babysitter" one could find and complimented her for being affectionate and careful.

Afgan said babysitting is bearable as long as she knows that the kids are there for just a couple of hours. Soon after her interview, the clip started doing the rounds on social media platforms and the actor was called out for not wanting children and justifying it.

On Thursday, Afgan issued a statement on Instagram for the women who criticised her.

In the post, the actor wrote that she had decided years ago never to talk about this issue publicly because it was "so painful". Now, however, she feels like she needs to. "It’s needed because of the needless masala our influencers like to share, but more because I am shocked at how women have reacted to my personal statement on Ahsan Khan show," she said.

"I was a firm believer that all women, whether they have children or not, would know and understand how private a matter this is. I have always believed that all women understand how painful this journey can be, but the past few days have made me see how wrong I’ve been."

She wrote that ironically it's been women and "their hurtful comments, cruel judgements, harsh messages and despicable lack of compassion" that have made her change her mind and go public.

Talking about her marriage, she said, "Jodi and I have been married for 15 years. Both of us adore children - we really wanted to have our own one day. But Allah had other plans - and like everything else in life, we submitted to His will."

Afgan revealed that she had two miscarriages, three failed IUIs, battled depression after losing two unborn children, struggled from panic attacks out of fear of another miscarriage, gained weight from hormonal issues and was all set for an IVF treatment but couldn't go ahead with it because of the agony of the single line on the pregnancy test after going through "another emotionally and physically draining" procedure.

She appreciated her husband for being understanding supportive in her journey. "He saw what I went through, understood how I felt, and we made this decision, together. For him my comfort and health, both physical and mental, took precedence over everything. Contrary to this, the women in my life close to me and strangers alike, have shown a shocking lack of empathy - all these years and especially the last few days. I have relived my years of loss all over again since Saturday night."

She said that she is sad because she's been an ambassador for women rights all her life and believed that "women are one, a clan and a tribe. A group which sticks together, which believes in cheering each other on and giving each other respect, freedom and space - which understands what we go through when we bear children- and when we find out that motherhood was not meant for us - and how excruciatingly painful it is to talk about it on public forums. I stand corrected. We are not."

The Instagram post received comments from makeup artist Natasha Lakhani, actor Mira Sethi and Indian TV star Falaq Naz who sent hugs and love for the 51-year-old star.

Actor Zara Noor Abbas also acknowledged Afgan's post via her Instagram stories and said Afgan "owes nobody" any explanation as to what and who she is and what she believes in as a woman. "Specially no attention needs to give to faceless SM (social media) user. What you (Afgan) went through is painful - and excruciating. And I am proud of you for talking about this so strongly condemning these mindsets and behaviours."

Abbas also said that people in Pakistan think it's their business if a woman has a child or for say doesn't have one same for one who is married or divorced. "News is - it's nobody's BUSINESS," she concluded.

Reading Afgan's post was painful because she was driven to share something so deeply personal with the world because some people didn't understand that they have no say in her decisions. Let women breathe. Let them exist. Nadia Afgan owes no one any explanations and her post was made every more heartbreaking by the fact that she felt she had to post it.

But at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is, Nadia Afgan or any other woman owes you no explanation on why they do not want chlidren. It's their choice and it should be respected. If a woman says she doesn't want children, that should be taken at face value. She shouldn't have to tell you her entire life story for you to respect her decision.

Comments

Jaredlee007 Jun 17, 2022 04:23pm
Why did she have to share her personal biological preferences in public? If you share then expect reactions.
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CSQ Jun 17, 2022 05:05pm
She lied either on TV or on Instagram. Which one is it?
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Tufreeh Jun 17, 2022 05:55pm
@Jaredlee007 why does the public have to give their opinion about what she decides? Love, live and let live please.
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SKB Jun 17, 2022 06:14pm
Keep your faith, political views and personal preferences to yourself.
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Changez Khan Jun 17, 2022 06:27pm
It is a personal matter, nobody's business.
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M. Saeed Jun 17, 2022 06:48pm
That's why she is appearing a Rishta Aunty in a running drama on a channel!
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Ahmed Jun 17, 2022 06:49pm
Amazing Sabr. A strong woman indeed.
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Zameera Rihai Jun 17, 2022 06:58pm
@Jaredlee007 if she shared something in public it doesn't mean its a certificate to say "anything" to anyone. This nation has disease to poke their nose in every matter. Bimar zehaniyat
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Farhan Jun 17, 2022 07:08pm
She kind of scorned those who chose to have. She could have parried the question with some privacy request. The reaction was normal
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siddiq karim Jun 17, 2022 07:21pm
Very proud of her Just look around Really Way to go I congratulate the couple
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Bunny Jun 17, 2022 07:30pm
brave lady giving hope to many more like her.
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Abbas Naqvi Jun 17, 2022 07:38pm
You can't have kids if you don't want.
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Zulfiqar Jun 17, 2022 09:09pm
So selfish of Nadia Afghan. Unless there is a medical reason, not wanting children is against basic human nature. A lot of people in the west suffer from this mental disorder as they are too busy living a hedonistic life.
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Jill Jun 17, 2022 09:57pm
Thank you
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Texan Jun 17, 2022 10:43pm
Pakistan needs 30m women like her to stop the population explosion. Just look at chaos around you and see the limitation of resources.
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surendra sukhtankar Jun 17, 2022 10:50pm
There are too many NOSY persons in Today's world! Let her and her husband decide how they want to live; nobody's business !
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Saira Jun 17, 2022 11:36pm
Nobody should be allowed to disscuss her personal life in a bad manner. Being a doctor i feel every sensible person should help anyone going through traumatic experience .
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SHAW S Jun 18, 2022 12:25am
Looks like she has been very busy during nights doing overtime; maybe trying to compete with real hard work doings of double shifts by Mari yum;
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Saad Muzaffar Jun 18, 2022 02:30am
My electricity gets shut off Having water is miracle I lost two cup of tea to enjoy Do I care about someone I never met or know about her personal issues?
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Douglas Jun 18, 2022 06:58am
@Abbas Naqvi have one child or no child for better tomorrow
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Khalid Jun 18, 2022 09:21am
@Tufreeh When you share your thoughts on a public stage, it becomes your opinion. And since you put your opinion out infront of potentially millions of people; Don't get surprised when you come across a reaction or two.
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Siddhartha Jun 18, 2022 10:21am
It is her choice. It is her body. She can do what she wants!
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Rehana Bounse Jun 18, 2022 07:16pm
@Zulfiqar ridiculous! Who gives you the right to judge anyone. Are you her family? Are you a woman who understands what she’s going through? Also think of yourself . What are you doing for your community, for the underprivileged, for young people & are you volunteering to teach young Pakistani young people things or life skills or tutoring or something else instead of judging people? Stop talking, commenting or judging but be useful to your community. This is what young people do (volunteering , tutoring, delivering free lunches to elderly, reading to a child or elderly ~ these are a few examples) in other countries to make their community a better community
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Sheikh Khalid Raheem Jun 18, 2022 09:36pm
Women around the world despite being in showbiz, are always proud to become mothers. But unfortunately this lady has no urge to be called areal mother. How pity !
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Asma Jun 19, 2022 01:52am
@Zulfiqar, how rude.
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No Shackles Are Firmer Jun 19, 2022 12:13pm
@Jaredlee007 She was asked. Do you suggest she should have been rude and not answered? And are you suggesting that just because she answered a question, strangers suddenly have the right to harass her over a personal choice, hm?
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No Shackles Are Firmer Jun 19, 2022 12:21pm
@Zulfiqar Selfish? Selfish against who, exacly? Against you? No, of course you are not claiming that. So, against who? Who has she denied something that they had a right to have? No-one. Not a single soul can claim that her personal choice has robbed them of something. Also, to claim "it is human nature" makes no sense. Human nature is to die at 30 from illness after having worked oneself to a wreck just to put food in one's mouth. Humans have changed their nature, starting from the moment civilization was formed. No-one —including you — will be denied the gains we have achieved as a species in the past 10 000 year, exactly to escape that horrible condition that is our original nature.
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No Shackles Are Firmer Jun 19, 2022 01:12pm
@Khalid That does both ways; why do people that present toxic opinions expect that no-one may call them on their toxicity, or not put on display the error of their ways?
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Rehana Bounse Jun 19, 2022 05:46pm
@Sheikh Khalid Raheem you are a man & you have the gall to judge a woman just because she doesn’t want any children after her body went through so much . This is not only about her but her husband too.Can you even comprehend that? You are no one! Do you get that ? It is between her & her husband.
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Rehana Bounse Jun 19, 2022 07:56pm
@Texan women & men because without men’s / husband’s approval a woman cannot do anything. In Pakistan it’s actually men who are more in control of women’s bodies than they. They have no idea what a woman goes through every day or in her life ( regarding her body, her decisions, her input or views ) in our Pakistani culture . No idea at all!!!
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