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What desi husbands should really be doing during the Covid-19 lockdown

What desi husbands should really be doing during the Covid-19 lockdown

This is the universe giving you the chance to be a better human being and partner. Use it wisely.
Updated 06 Apr, 2020

Haye jaldi corona khatam ho takey ye apnay office waapis jaaein aur mujhay chayn aur azaadi wapis milein: tamaam desi biwion ka ijatmaai slogan.

Translation: Ugh I hope this virus ends soon so he can go back to work and I get my peace and freedom back: a united slogan by all desi wives.

This Monday marks the beginning of the fourth week of social distancing and work from home for us in the Netherlands. Safe to say, adjusting to a new routine hasn’t been easy for anyone.

However, while the entire world is witnessing huge changes around, some dheet (obstinate) desi husbands are continuing to do what they are famous – sorry, notorious – for: giving orders and making life unbearable for their wives.

The baadshahat (kingdom) (read: bad upbringing or bogus ego) they regularly claimed only on the dinner table in pre Covid-19 days, now begins at the crack of dawn, when they wake up and sit in front of the laptop for their morning virtual catch-up with colleagues.

Guess who’s at the receiving end of the tantrums? The wife, who cannot leave the house for a breather.

If you don’t want to be the man whose wife secretly wants to run away but isn’t doing so only because of coronavirus lurking in all four directions, then use the following friendly tips to remain a bearable feature of the family.

Tip 1: Don't scream 'chai laa do', 'khana laa do' (bring me tea, bring me food) from your home workstation.

When you're at your real office, you move your butt and get your own tea and lunch, right? So stick to the routine and get that much needed exercise. Trust me, it’s good for health.

Tip 2: Be considerate. You’re not the only one feeling the brunt.

Remember that just like you're struggling to work in a new environment, your wife is too. She's used to having her space during the day and cooking/cleaning without you and the kids presenting constant demands.

If your wife too has a job and is currently working from home just like you, remember that her meeting is just as important as yours. Share the load and pitch in equally.

Tip 3: Contribute

Your wife's work has doubled. She's serving more meals, cleaning more, and needs to be more available for everyone’s physical and emotional needs. So instead of adding to her plate, contribute.

Give her a break. Let her go take a shower, feed the baby, answer a homework query; there are so many ways of making yourself a better husband if you want to.

Let a normal course of a day run through for your wife where she has the liberty to watch TV or play music. She has the right to cater to her mental needs during isolation.

Tip 4: Know that demanding pin drop silence at home is not justifiable

This is a lockdown. There’s absolutely NO place where the kids can be taken to for a while. The house needs to run and cater to your food requirements. If the vacuum/blender/baby noises bother you, put on your headphones.

Tip 5: Don't have unrealistic expectations

Especially from toddlers. They WILL be noisy; they WILL barge into your virtual meetings. Everyone understands that in this unprecedented situation. So if little munna (infant) does barge in, let him sit on your lap, stare at your colleagues on the screen and be a part of your meeting.

In a few days, he might just not find the idea so novel and stop bothering you! If you lower your expectations from your toddler, you'll feel less frustrated. Acceptance of reality is KEY.

Tip 6: Don’t expect a five course meals 3 times a day.

Gentle reminder that your wife is running a home, not a restaurant.

Tip 7: Remember it takes two to maintain a healthy environment

Instead of being the usual grumpy you, try to be more pleasant. Say a few loving words to your wife, stop for a hug. In these stressful times, your effort to be softhearted will not just help her, it’ll help you too.

Tip 8: Learn how to function around the kitchen

Learn how to make a couple of dishes so that in the post corona life, you can prove that you’re not a baby, stuck in a grown man’s body.

This is the universe giving you the chance to be a better human being who is pro gender equality. Seize the opportunity and make up for damages.

Tip 9: Set up an ergonomic working space for yourself to avoid back, neck and shoulder pains

Take breaks, stand up and stretch religiously. Plus, if god forbid your back starts to ache, rubbing balm on it will just be an added chore on your wife's seemingly unending to-do list.

Tip 10: Come home from 'work from home' at a sane time.

Be conscious of it because it's easy to 'stay at work' when you don't have to make a physical transition to get home. Go back to your family and try to mitigate the stress with love and bonding.

Have a good work week ahead!


Lecturer turned blogger, Mahvish Ahmed is a mama in boots, trotting through Europe, fighting the rain, catching trams and sipping warm coffee if/when her toddler naps. Find her on Instagram here.

Comments

Parvez Apr 06, 2020 02:13pm
Nice....
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Farhan Apr 06, 2020 02:45pm
What a pretentious take! Author's description says she's a lecturer turned blogger. Well she loves giving lectures , alright
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Arshad Javed Sandal Apr 06, 2020 02:53pm
All is best to share with partner's. What to do with the purse which is getting empty. Respect and Love is followed by the accessories and food , head of family has to manage. May Almighty Bless us from with Universal Virus and keep families safe and healthy. Ameen!
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Asim Apr 06, 2020 03:19pm
I did not read the name of writer before reading the article. But by the time i finished it, i guessed in my mind that write must be a lady and voila!
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Jamil Soomro, New York City Apr 06, 2020 05:04pm
Quite amusing tips by Ms.Mahvish Ahmed.I found Tip#3 puzzling,"Give her a break.Let her go take a shower."? Why does she need husband's permission to take a shower?Tip#6 turned out to be my favourite,"your wife is running a home,not a restaurant." Well said indeed.
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Syed A. Mateen Apr 06, 2020 05:05pm
Please add one more tip No. 11 for Desi Husbands to not to increasing the population while the coronavirus is at its peak, offices are shut down and it is expected that many people will be retrenched by the private employers due to economic compulsions. Desi husbands should also remember that social distancing should be maintained during the relaxed hours while they go out for buying necessary grocery as well as at home at all times.
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Laila Apr 06, 2020 05:38pm
I read it through and it makes sense. I am not effected by this, but the ladies that are, should sit down their husbands and lovingly but firmly explain, how they feel and what they need. They say communication goes a long way but husbands need to be willing to listen and understand. It's a team effort running a home. So contribute. Also if you have the space, I recommend designating a small room big enough to be a small home office with a reclining chair for when you need a timeout or just work in peace. Headphones are miracles. Keep a mini fridge (second hand will do fine) stocked with water, sodas, ice coffees, and (self-made) sandwiches. Be considerate of each other. Help and be helped. Remember it's your spouse, not a maid. If you need a maid, hire one. Men need to know, how to make a tea or a a sandwich. It's not that hard. The best cooks are men, actually. Food for thought. Remember to keep loving each other. Make time to show each other affection/care. Simple! Stay safe!
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Anil Apr 06, 2020 07:45pm
I am washing dishes( takes around 1hr).Floor cleaning every alternate day. I am bad at cooking so I leave it to my wife.
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Waqar Apr 06, 2020 08:56pm
Love the way the writer has so beautifully captured the minor contributions that matter in an household setting. Thank you for a good read.
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TIM Apr 06, 2020 09:50pm
I'd add here: learn how to COOK. Tea, coffee, eggs, pasta, they're not rocket science to learn and will consitute the biggest help to your spouse.
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Megha Apr 06, 2020 10:55pm
It is really a good and relevant article in current scenario....thanks for publishing it.
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THE MORNING STAR Apr 07, 2020 01:25am
Clean the rest room and scrub the bath tubs, and sweep the floor, and the walls and the corners of spider webs, vaccum the carpet and the curtains, remove wall to wall carpet unless in your house hold you all leave the shoes outside. Take out all clothes arrange them in three groups and discard at least one group. Generally any thing you did not wear in one year, you probably do not need them.
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Faiza Irfan Apr 07, 2020 10:20am
This was a badly needed and greatly appreciated piece!!!
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ben Apr 08, 2020 01:02pm
@Anil you are contributing and that's probably what the author is seeking after....Instead of just taking and demanding.
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