It's 2019 and people still think the key to a successful marriage is women being subservient to their husbands.
It's 2019 and people still think the key to a successful marriage is women being subservient to their husbands.

Another day, another archaic viewpoint on marriage.

It all started when morning show Subh Savaray Pakistan aimed to have a conversation on divorce and its effects on children. The show's host, Sarvat Valim featured psychiatrist, Dr. Naushaba Manan who brought some brilliant points about how it's the not the divorce itself but the toxic and abusive environment that damages a child's psyche.

Unfortunately for the doctor and the important topic, the panel also included Mrs. Khan, who is now being identified as a popular rishta aunty (matchmaker) by the internet.

Mrs. Khan steered the conversation away from the impact of divorce on children and attempted to talk about why divorces happen in the first place. Guess where her internalised sexism took her?

That's right people, divorces happen because women are speaking up for themselves.

Said Mrs Khan, "Keep your tongue in check. If women control what comes out of their mouth, divorces won't happen so often. We used to be told that when the husband comes home, his shoes are placed in a certain manner, his clothes are kept in a proper way. There should be a roti on the tawa just ready to be served with the salan."

Oh, the irony of a woman yelling on national television telling other women to control their tongue. Won't lie, we were appalled that such a voice is being amplified in 2019.

We live in a time when men and women are both out and earning for the home; many of us have been raised by working parents. Also, are we still not raising men to be able to take care of themselves? Is a reason for divorce actually that women aren't, placing their shoes properly?

Read: Why I made the sign 'Khud khana garam karlo'

"What is it with women these days who say 'I won't make roti'? Why get married then?"

Dear Mrs Khan, no woman gets married so they can do unpaid labour to their husband. Marriage is about respect and many are out now looking for partners who'll enhance their lives, not reduce them to a Rotimatic.

Speaking of which, to all those who want to bring in a wife or daughter-in-law so that they can get rotis whenever they want, check out the Rotimatic. Gets the job done, costs a fraction of a wedding and also will save a woman's life since you won't be bringing her in as house help.

Mrs. Khan went on to claim that if a woman doesn't do all these things, she isn't a proper woman.

"Who raised you and who gave you your education. Who came home from work? These same rules apply to you."

While she meant to imply that husbands go to work and mothers do the cooking and raising, she fails yet again to acknowledge that many have been raised by working women and fathers are also involved in raising their children.

These thoughts reek of internalised misogyny and toxic masculinity that even many men have moved on from.

Mrs. Khan also took it up to an 11 and went on a rant about women choosing to take care of their husbands and not the in-laws.

"How can you only take care of your husband? You should get out of the house then."

Apart from the fact that Mrs. Khan has completely backtracked from her earlier statement about women refusing to take care of their husbands, wait till she finds out how many women actually do want to get out of the house.

The most fascinating part of these old-school problematic thoughts is how it has nothing to do with the impact of divorce on children.

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