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Dear Pakistani men, here's how you talk about periods

Dear Pakistani men, here's how you talk about periods

A list of do's and don'ts to guide you through chat about menstruation
Updated 14 Apr, 2016

It's time to talk about this. Recent events have made it clear that men have no idea how to have a normal conversation about menstruation.

Sure, they're okay with hurling the word PMS at women every time a woman acts in a way that's "unacceptable" to them — that is, demonstrating aggression, emotion, logic or any form of an opinion, really — but they're not okay with an open conversation about a little bleeding that basically guarantees the existence of the human race.

When students from Beaconhouse National University (BNU) taped 25 sanitary pads on their university’s wall in order to kickstart a conversation about period-shaming, many men started squirming. One of these men was Shaan Taseer. His critique of the demonstration quickly turned ugly as he tossed insults at Madiha Tahir.

Also read: How Shaan Taseer's reaction to period-shaming exposes male privilege in Pakistan

We wonder: what is it about periods that makes men so uncomfortable, unable to even have a measured conversation? And can we change this?

With that in mind, here's a handy list of do's and don'ts to follow if you're a man who wants to talk about menstruation. It's a guide that demonstrates how NOT to be offensive, discriminatory and just basically the worst. Guys, take note!


DO: Acknowledge your male privilege

What is male privilege? It's basically an imbalance of power wherein some rights or advantages are conferred to men solely on the basis on their gender. To acknowledge male privilege is to first internalize and accept the fact that it exists and then understand that this discrimination is unfair and needs to be dismantled.

Want to follow someone's lead? Check out American president Barack Obama. He talked about periods in a recent interview and openly questioned the luxury goods tax on tampons and pads in 40 states of the US.

When interviewer Ingrid Nilsen asked Obama why tampons were considered “luxury goods” when few of the women she knows would consider menstruation a luxury, Obama replied: “I think Michelle would agree with you on that.”

“I have to tell you, I have no idea why states would tax these as luxury items,” he continued. “I suspect it’s because men were making the laws when those taxes were passed.”

See what he did there? He acknowledged that male-led legislation was unfair to women and in doing so accepted that male privilege is a thing. A bad thing to be countered.

DON'T: Try to deny your male privilege and get defensive

Shaan Taseer, on the other hand, equated access to pads with the illusion of problem-free menstruation. Taseer responded to the BNU protest with the claim that the "English-speaking, university-going women of the Lahore bourgeois" don't experience oppression of any kind, so have no reasons to complain.

Shaan Taseer deleted his Facebook post soon after
Shaan Taseer deleted his Facebook post soon after

There are so many things wrong here, where do we start? In saying this Taseer assumes simply having access to pads eliminates every menstruation-related problem a woman has ever had... a typically male-centric approach. He has no thought for how period-shaming cuts across class, how stains, bloating and cramps are not the sole domain of either the elite or the public at large.

Second, he's being incredibly patronizing and defensive. His response is typical of a man who feels like women owe their scant freedoms (a university education, a good home) to men, and so, should only express gratefulness for what they've got. Reeks of privilege with a dab of neo-colonialism don't you think?

Guys: don't do this.

DO: Allow women to own their body and all its processes

After Anushka Dashgupta's period stains caught too many passersby's attention for comfort, she wrote a Facebook post in which she emphasised why there was no need for that.

Anushka's post went viral
Anushka's post went viral

Addressing "the women who offered to help me hide my womanhood", " the men who ogled at me" and "the children who didn't give a damn", she listed all the reasons why periods aren't a source of shame.

DON'T: Get squeamish.

We're looking at you, Instagram.

Instagram considered this photo a violation of their community guidelines
Instagram considered this photo a violation of their community guidelines

In March last year, Instagram removed Canadian photographer/poet Rupi Kaur's photo of a woman lying in bed with menstrual blood both on her pants and sheets with the rationale that the photo violated "community standards", which forbids depiction of nudity, self-harm, acts of violence or “illegal content”.

Kaur responded with a lengthy Facebook post that detailed the need for ideological and media censorship reform. It garnered massive public response, and forced Instagram to admit that the photograph's removal was "an accident".

DO: Help people understand periods better.

When Time published an op-ed suggesting that Hillary Clinton's post-menopause stage makes her more "resilient" and less emotional and thus a good presidential candidate, the Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore invited three women to talk about menstruation.

The show helped put periods in perspective
The show helped put periods in perspective

President George W. Bush's Communications Director Nicole Wallace pointed out during the show, "Yes, I worked in the White House. And yes, every 28 days I bled, but the country went on." So yes, contrary to popular belief, a woman is indeed capable of making sound political decisions while bleeding between her legs.

DON'T: Censor periods in the public space

Period-proof underwear company Thinx was temporarily prevented from advertising on the New York subway for showing “a bit too much skin” and the “inappropriate” use of a grapefruit and an egg for imagery. This, despite the presence of far more risque ads on the trains.

Thinx ads were considered too risque for the train
Thinx ads were considered too risque for the train

It took comparison with genuinely objectionable ads for Thinx to finally get approval from the transport authority.

DO: Treat menstruation like it's everyone's problem

When Arunachalam Muruganantham chanced upon his wife washing rags she used for menstruation, he was shocked to discover they were so filthy that he "wouldn't even clean his scooter" with them. Instead of dismissing it as a woman's problem, he recognised this as a threat to his wife's — and by extension, society's — wellbeing.

He soon discovered that the problem extended village-wide and the lack of affordable sanitary napkins is a threat to his villagefolk's health. So he set about to invent just that.

The inventor Arunachalam Muruganantham
The inventor Arunachalam Muruganantham

Muruganantham fashioned a faux uterus and 'bled' on a variety of materials to test his product, knocked on the doors of various multinationals to obtain the right material and invented a machine to slash costs of production. He succeeded.

DON'T: Use periods as a excuse to mock women or belittle them

Donald Trump dismissed Fox News host Megyn Kelly's tough line of questioning during the Republican debate by saying “There was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever,” a clear reference to menstruation.

What's more telling is that Trump himself couldn't bring himself to say the word 'period' or 'womb', opting for the elusive 'wherever'.

While he refused to apolgise for his comments, insisting that he did "nothing wrong whatsoever," he later suggested that he was referring to her "nose and/or ears", not a woman's period. Right.

Anyway, in case yo missed it, here it is again: don't be like Donald Trump.


So there you go. It's easy if you try!

Comments

Rebel Apr 14, 2016 05:01pm
Educating people is the only way forward.......
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am9112 Apr 14, 2016 05:02pm
While I agree to most of points raised in this article, I also believe that the approach used to raise awareness on this issue by BNU students does not align with our cultural values. May be it looks fine by standards of BNU students but then majority of pakistani women do not live at standards level of BNU students. We need people like Arunachalam Muruganantham with constructive ideas who can constructively and practically provide the solutions that can improve life of masses - not just selected elite class.
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ikhlaque Chan Apr 14, 2016 05:08pm
Bravo Dawn for de-tabooing something natural!
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Tahir Shah Fan Apr 14, 2016 05:16pm
I think women are not inferior with or without periods. But to discuss them publicly or other bodily fluids and functions-i dont think its okay.
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AHA Apr 14, 2016 05:18pm
Thank you Dawn for your efforts to move Pakistan forward, even if it is one tiny step at a time.
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AHA Apr 14, 2016 05:21pm
@am9112 : The argument of 'cultural values' is a slippery slope. You must recognize that our sense of pride in our cultural values are the source of most of our problem.
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Atif Apr 14, 2016 05:23pm
Making men look like evil is the easiest passage to getting published it seems; however, bleeding genitals are not something that anyone discusses in a social gathering, be it males or females. There is a time and place for everything and if these issues are discussed on a relevant platform, there is no reason one should have any objection to it.
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NT Apr 14, 2016 05:33pm
Well ... there will always be an impact of our secietical impressions on this topic. It looks taboo because it is a bizzare thing to talk publically at this stage. We have a "so-called" honor for our ladies in us which stops us to see things discuss publically. The remedies can be put at primary school levels where children are more prone to accept changes. That will atleast make the upcoming generations to deal and understand it more appropriately. Kudos Dawn for this effort.
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sajj Apr 14, 2016 05:33pm
I don't understand the point, what exactly do we need to understand about periods and why is it necessary to talk about publicly or to celebrate periods? It is a natural process that needs a level of discussion where necessary but why do you feel the need to plaster tampons on a wall anywhere? You can put it down to me being a silly man, but what exactly do you want me to get? If there is something specific you want us to do or not to do, say it. Otherwise, I just don't get the point, what exactly is there about this that is taboo? I can openly can to the woman in my life about periods but why plaster things on a wall?
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Alexey Apr 14, 2016 05:35pm
Perhaps the demonstration was not the best way to say it but i can understand the need to de-taboo this phenomena. I can't comprehend why it's so in the first place. While we are on the topic we should also bring in the open the conversations about sex.
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Fried Chillies Apr 14, 2016 05:46pm
While addressing critical issues is absolutely important there is always a way around how you address it. Periods is a discussion that should be part of a class of kids growing up say from anytime between 7th/8th till 10th. So that information is absorbed in the right surrounding that of learning in class and one moves on with it. Try and put it up for discussion during graduation or much later it becomes a topic for zest for no other reason but the fact that the discussion is hoisted on people. Its as simple as 1. Hey we menstruate 2. Is starts at age X and goes on till Y 3. Those days are painful for women and its only natural that makes some of us cranky. We expect you to be considerate since you cant stand 1/100 of the pain...and I mean that as a guy 4. The scientific reason why it happens and its importance End of story!
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TINA Apr 14, 2016 06:07pm
Well I started it with a eulogy but in the end i don't feel so good about it, what is the point of going so open about such a sensitive and private topic?
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Ghaznavi Apr 14, 2016 06:28pm
"It's time to talk about this. Recent events have made it clear that men have no idea how to have a normal conversation about menstruation." It is women's private matter and I don't see any reason for males to be inquisitive about it (.)
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Tariq, Lahore Apr 14, 2016 06:41pm
It's nature's way of 'cleaning' woman's reproductive system! It should not be a tabooed subject. Some societies just need to be 'educated' about it!
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Dr Arslan Vistro Apr 14, 2016 06:51pm
We all know there are natural processes in human bodies but discussing and bringing them into public discussion is not wise.
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Abdul Apr 14, 2016 06:59pm
Sensible article...
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Yusuf Gillani Apr 14, 2016 09:21pm
Sometimes it takes shock tactics to bring a topic up for discussion. Let's admit it, this is not an easy topic of conversation and without giving it the shock factor , it wouldn't have the hype or impact it has had due to this obnoxious seeming campaign. I'm a man but I feel women are full human like men. Their problems are our problems. Any man who denies this is being unfair.
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Insaan Apr 14, 2016 09:57pm
Great article. One key aspect is not touched here though: language. While menstrual cycles are everyday thing, there is no everyday words in the language to mention let alone discuss them. For example, in Urdu the word for menstrual cycle is Hayz. But, this is not an everyday word (compare Period in English). The taboo attached to the words need to be broken (periods are just one such example but there are many aspect of the human body that is not part of the everday discourse because there are no 'appropriate' words for them).
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a Apr 14, 2016 10:07pm
I think its time this biological process became mundane and not something young boys get scandalised about.
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berni Apr 14, 2016 10:08pm
If we learn to deal with girls with love and respect, we'll become less barbaric. We're not created strong to oppress the weak.
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ABC-woman Apr 14, 2016 10:18pm
@Ghaznavi Do you feel embarrassed while talking about shaving cream or aftershave lotion in presence of women? No. Because we know that facial hair is natural in case of male. The same way,menstruation is also natural and I don't think anyone should be embarrassed while discussing it publicly. Unless we are actually mature enough to discuss this without embarrassment, shopkeepers will give us packet of sanitary napkins in black bags and we will hide it in our cupboards as if it's a chunk of hashish. Btw do you hide your shaving kit like that? It explains why you are uncomfortable with this topic.
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Omar Apr 14, 2016 11:01pm
Excellent piece!
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P.R.Koduri Apr 14, 2016 11:04pm
It would clearly help if students were taught about the physiology of menstruation in their middle school years. It will take away a lot of myths around the subject. It will also complement sex education. Once it is understood that for the embryo to grow into a human it is the soil, the lining of the womb that has to be receptive to the embryo that might arrive. In its absence the endometrium has to shed and start all over again. A clinical description is what is needed and is missing in our discourse.
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ssh Apr 14, 2016 11:09pm
Women menstruating is not a new phenomena, it came down with eve, there is nothing to discuss, it is part of the human female condition....do we have to sink to this filth just because the west is confused with just about every natural phenomena.
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Prany Apr 14, 2016 11:46pm
A great article which brings attention to an unjust and prejudiced attitude to something which is natural and no woman's fault. I do wonder why the nature made it this way for human females, because females of very few mammals (apes, old world monkeys, bats and elephant shrew) go through overt menstruation cycles. Whatever the reason, let's accept it, it is natural and fundamentally it should cause neither shame nor embarrassment to women . Now whether, it should be talked about openly, I would say rather than treating it as a private matter of women, Mr. Aurnachalam Muruganatham -whom I was privileged to meet in person in Dubai a few years ago- looked at it as a social issue and innovated a machine to help a huge number of women both in terms of improving personal hygiene and earning money by manufacturing a low cost product for themselves. He is the real hero and has made far greater contribution in real terms than those who waste their time in debating whether it is cultural or religious issue!! Unfortunately, media gives more importance to the urban people who don't do anything beyond creating noise, rather than giving attention to the real doer and innovators, who work selflessly. Kudos to the author who at least acknowledged Arunachalam's efforts, however, I failed to see any comment from the readers about him.
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Prany Apr 14, 2016 11:47pm
I request Dawn to start a prominently placed section on such good and inspirational news for the sake of the humanity, because the likes of Arunachalam Muruganatham bring people, men and women from different countries, together in improving lives and the so called educated people divide them.
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Mansoor Apr 14, 2016 11:50pm
They should have prepared volunteered to educate the poor girls of the slums instead of displaying the sanitary napkins. If they are buying the napkins concealing in covers, what`s wrong with it? They can buy with or without the covers- a purely personal choice.
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Maysay Apr 15, 2016 12:06am
Nature has made a system to excrete from the human body all wastes. While a human male excrete from his body two body wastes in shape of urine and feces, An adult human female body does this with three body wastes. Just like other two wastes, the period process is also discharge of waste from human body. Since this is a monthly process, an adult human female goes thru this on monthly basis rather than on daily basis as with other two waste processes. Then why this should be consider as a mystery or taboo. A woman is not inferior because of this.
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gp65 Apr 15, 2016 12:13am
Brilliant. brilliant. brilliant.
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Naeem Apr 15, 2016 12:36am
I wish this kind of important information is given to the Man by their Mothers, rather than published in Newspapers. If we put all such related information in Papers by Men and Women, just imagine what kind of discussions will be happening. Hope I did not annoy someone.
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Javedk Apr 15, 2016 12:46am
Kudos to Dawn for publishing this article. I highly doubt if it will ever happen, but an article like this should be published in an Urdu publication.
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Z. Khan Apr 15, 2016 01:05am
Thank you for this! There needs to be a similar article for 'dear-pakistani-women-heres-how-you-stand-up-for-other-women-and-talk-about-periods'. Because let's not forget, women oppress women too. And I've read a great deal of comments of women shutting down women for bringing this topic to the front. Stupidity alert.
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I Am Apr 15, 2016 01:07am
@am9112 couldn't agree more!!
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Syed Waqar Ali Apr 15, 2016 01:10am
We should have more articles on subjects like this. In this way we can impart knowledge on such sensitive issues.
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Kaz Apr 15, 2016 02:31am
So true. I grew up in pak, and u wont believe, first time i came to know about this process was from my wife. Men need to be made aware of this.
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Nauman USA Apr 15, 2016 03:17am
Why Tampons and Pads are so low quality and expensive in Pakistan? Do Not we have a technology?
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Zahra Fatima Apr 15, 2016 03:36am
Finally someone is breaking taboos in our closed minded society be it BNU! Good read and hats off to the author!!!
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Shehry Apr 15, 2016 04:21am
There is nothing wrong with discussing health and hygiene aspects of menstruation etc but there can be many more appropriate ways than displaying your sanitary pads on the walls. If that is right why not display pictures of your breasts to raise awareness over breast cancer or testicles to raise awareness over testicular cancer?
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Farouq Omaro Apr 15, 2016 05:03am
Good job Dawn
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saeed Apr 15, 2016 08:21am
A non issue converted into one
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aditi Apr 15, 2016 08:39am
Hats off to the women in Lahore. Really impressed. Keep shocking.
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Kalyanraman Apr 15, 2016 08:39am
Excellent job dawn. A great article for men and women are n the entire world to understand natural laws. In Hindu culture women are not allowed to visit temple or participate religious activities. It is not written in any Vedas or scriptures but implemented universally by Men folk.
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Human Apr 15, 2016 09:15am
Awesome Article . Please have some more & educating all is the only way . well done
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SYED RIZVI Apr 15, 2016 09:36am
Excellent! Unless Sex is discussed openly just like any other topic people will remain ignorant ! we need to educate our children and be open with them about all Men/Women body related issues, the growing up saga and remedies to handle them. Women should NOT be sidelined due to their natural change i.e. mensuration as it is medically proven that A Girl is born five times stronger than A Boy! BRAVO DAWN for taking the 1st step!
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Ammar Apr 15, 2016 09:47am
Valid points but definitely against the social norms and values of our society. I have never seen or heard anyone from any background in Pakistan belittling our women due to this reason. Just like we don't teach about Sex Education in Schools because our social values are a lot different than what Schools like BNU are promoting.
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Sri1 Apr 15, 2016 10:07am
@am9112 "We need people like Arunachalam Muruganantham with constructive ideas" Maybe social innovators in Pakistan can take this idea forward (http://www.thebetterindia.com/32539/sanitary-napkin-incinerator/) or take some assistance from people involved. At the cost of Rs. 2,000 per incinerator, the innovator has been able to install more than 2,000 such machines at universities, hostels, schools that come under Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan (SSA), and in villages near water points. This machine is even more hygenic and less expensive (http://qz.com/557026/this-machine-to-discard-sanitary-pads-could-make-a-huge-difference-to-womens-health-in-rural-india/). And there is a healthy, low cost market in our sub-continent for ultra-cheap sanitary pads.
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Asad Apr 15, 2016 10:31am
how stupid people are turned into. This is Pakistan. of course going extreme just like taliban going extreme other way. What they want to prove. We have culture we have ethics we are that much blind folded due to west culture. Curse on so called liberals (extremist ones)
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AKS Apr 15, 2016 10:39am
Such kind of education is necessary. Think about daughter whose mother has passed away and she does not have a elder sister who can teach her and give awareness. She can not discuss things when it starts happen. And worse thing when a girls gets married and she has no sign of periods?????. And think about a son who does not have a father.
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ali Apr 15, 2016 10:42am
Being brother of 3 sisters. I can assure you how afraid are women in Pakistan to talk about this natural topic but somehow it has become a taboo in our society where majority men are not aware of the nature of this process.
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ABEER ABID Apr 15, 2016 12:07pm
IRONY !!! Destruction- when the things meant to hide get exposed.
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Manly man Apr 15, 2016 12:07pm
Yes, yes all blame the patriarchy.
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Mutahhir Apr 15, 2016 12:11pm
I would have to agree with Mr. Shaan Taseer. Exactly, who is being oppressed here? I belong to a middle-class background and haven't seen anyone in my vicinity, whether people my age or from the older generation, who has belittled or mocked women about menstruation. Obviously, we understand that it is a natural condition. And after all, all of us are, in large part, the fruit of the female reproductive cycle! IMHO, this matter is blown out of proportion here. I feel really perplexed that we import themes from the west while completely ignoring the social values and norms of our own society. We may have a lot of social evils and taboos, which we can criticize, and I agree to them, but what I cannot understand, what purpose would a bunch of sanitary napkins, posted on a bulletin board, would serve and how it would emancipate and empower women?
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Mutahhir Apr 15, 2016 12:18pm
Btw, I must clarify that I do not agree with Shan Taseer's mocking style or any derogatory words that he may have used. I respect all women whether they are from any class, creed or race!
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Khwaja Apr 15, 2016 12:46pm
Bravo. This is women empowerment. Erase all taboos. We are living in a progressive Era where women are equally in the driving seat and men need to understand and respect how women may be impacted by their own anatomy.
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sisterkiller Apr 15, 2016 01:27pm
@Atif holy generalisation. women do talk about periods in social settings, they are a regular part of our lives and yes, bleeding and pain is something we deal with usually without advertising it. but if a woman chooses to not hide it instead, why is the sight of a pad so horrifying? the BNU women wrote on them, it's not a wall full of used pads, what is so terrible?
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DR HASNAIN CARDIOLOGIST AMRSH-LONDON UK Apr 15, 2016 03:10pm
@Mutahhir I AGREE /
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DR HASNAIN CARDIOLOGIST AMRSH-LONDON UK Apr 15, 2016 03:11pm
I FULLY AGREE
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zubair abro Apr 15, 2016 03:13pm
In Pakistan parents, teachers feel shy in delivering sex education to their children , which ultimately cause depression in girls and a laughter in boys.
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Mutahhir Apr 15, 2016 05:37pm
@DR HASNAIN CARDIOLOGIST AMRSH-LONDON UK Thanks very much sir...
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bilal Apr 15, 2016 08:18pm
Good article..
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jibber jabber Apr 15, 2016 08:56pm
I dont' think the students at BNU did anything wrong, but this incident does tell us that the society as whole is not ready to discuss this topic in such an open way.
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Philosopher (from Japan) Apr 16, 2016 06:39am
Completely disagreed.
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Kamila Nuha Apr 16, 2016 08:49pm
I am a woman and as a woman I find sticking sanitary pads on a wall with 'messages' unnecessary and totally over the top. Most men are very understanding during your time of the month. It is illiterate villagers with backward feudal mentalities who need to be educated on how women are to be treated during ANY time of the month, in a language they understand. Pads on a wall is simply an exercise in attention seeking, akin to a girl dressing and dolling up to get noticed by members of the opposite sex. There can be classier way to get the discussion going.
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atif Apr 17, 2016 01:04am
Why to be a Pisces always? well in my opinion, one has to decide whether they want to be liberal or wild? to express your thoughts is not bad but which thoughts... this is something you have to think? to aware men about the problem will work? really... i don't think so... in a country where now people plan to rape, rob and murder by papers and electronic media and where re-enactment shows are becoming an industry, this would just make people more frustrated.... female first should think to gain their fundamental rights, and then decide all this things which even their family male hesitate to share... in short again people just think that they must have commands in sexual and genital education rather than studying social behavior and community development.
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