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The effects of Bakra Eid are felt a week before the horror celebrations begin - Photos courtesy globalmeatnews.com/Mustafa Hussain Photography/Manal Khan

Eid Mubarak? Here's how the bakra, the butcher and the tailor messed up my Bakra Eid calm

Carcasses everywhere, blood flowing on dirty streets... no, this isn't war-torn Baghdad. This is Pakistan on Bakra Eid
Updated 16 Sep, 2016

Carcasses everywhere, blood flowing on the dirty streets in a foul crimson colour, the smell of freshly lacerated flesh in the air... these aren’t the streets of war torn Baghdad. No, this is the face of any bustling city in Pakistan on the first day of Eid al-Adha, better known locally as Bakra Eid, and rumored to be referred to as D-Day in cow, goat, sheep, and camel circles.

It is a day when every cow wakes up and exclaims, “Oh bhains!”

It is a day when every Pakistani child is exposed to R-Rated violence well before his first Quentin Tarantino film.

It is a day when many Pakistanis hand over the valuable skin(s) of their dead animal(s) to major political parties wordlessly, partially because watching their goat killed earlier made them weary of receiving the same treatment.

But the effects of Bakra Eid are felt a week before the horror celebrations begin.

It starts when you come home from work one fine day, and as you turn onto your street a stench greets your nostrils similar to what you’d find in a ghusul khana at a truck stop. Agitated, you ask, “aaj kisnay cholay aur lobia khai thay?” (Who ate chickpeas and beans?)

Here, you're introduced to the true source of the smell when the wail of bakras hits your ears: “Baaahhhh.”

Sometimes you'll find more than just a bakra on your block. Camel, anyone? -- Photo: PPI
Sometimes you'll find more than just a bakra on your block. Camel, anyone? -- Photo: PPI

In many cities of Pakistan, there is at least one empty house or plot on every street, usually in the care of a live in caretaker and his family. On Bakra Eid, this location transforms into a Holiday Inn for cows and goats when the impoverished caretaker seizes the opportunity to earn some extra money by hosting the whole neighborhood’s livestock.

Upon smelling and hearing this congregation of bakras you immediately think two thoughts: the first is, ‘boy, I really need to close these windows,’ and the second is, ‘damn, I forgot to get a bakra.’

The bakra-buying process: not for the faint of heart

So the next morning you set off to purchase your goat.

Thankfully, in 2016, there are several convenient ways to conduct a sacrifice. Charities such as The Edhi Foundation offer affordable services where they will slaughter an animal of your choice and distribute a portion of the meat for you. Then, there are companies such as Meat One also offering the same service for a significantly higher fee.

Meat One will hand you the full spoils of your slaughter should you so desire. Both the butchery and the quality of the meat offered by Meat One are excellent, though this isn’t a surprise considering the names of the company’s founders.

As you may be aware, the owners of Meat One are former Pakistan international cricketers, Saeed Anwar and Inzamam-ul-Haq. Now I don’t know about you, but I sincerely believe this man knows his meat:

Inzamam ul Haq always had one eye on the bakra business. -- Photo: Pakpassion.net/MeatOne
Inzamam ul Haq always had one eye on the bakra business. -- Photo: Pakpassion.net/MeatOne

If you would rather purchase the poor animal yourself, then you could buy from the enterprising men who take up residence in street corners with goats, looking to make a profit. For buyers interested in better deals, most cities have bakra mandis (livestock markets) located on the outskirts.

Going to one of these bakra mandis can be an interesting experience, especially at nighttime, when beauty pageants starring livestock are in full swing. Yes, this actually happens.


Visiting a bakra mandi alone is never a good idea. Your best bet is to take along your creepy uncle, yes, the one whose fascination with bakras borders on creepy levels.


Visiting a bakra mandi alone is never a good idea, especially when highwaymen are ready to pounce on cash-carrying buyers, and unscrupulous sellers have no qualms about ripping you off.

On my only visit to a bakra mandi, I took my uncle who was supposedly well-versed in the characteristics of healthy goats. Now, I believe every family has such an uncle; a man whose fascination with bakras borders on creepy levels.

No matter how handsome the goat, remember, it's only a bakra, folks.
No matter how handsome the goat, remember, it's only a bakra, folks.

Yeh dekho, iskay daant bohot achay hein.” (Look how nice the teeth of this animal are.)

Iskay hont bohot surukh hein. Bohot khobsoorat bakra hay.” (This one has remarkably nice lips. It’s a beautiful goat.)

“[After slapping the animal on its rear] Is bakray kee kafee sakht raan hay.” (This goat has a nice firm ass.)

You repress your urge to mutter, “Uncle, I think you are at the wrong mandi.”

Introducing the true stars of Bakra Eid: the darzi, the kasai and the imam

Having arranged your bakra and scheduled your kasai (butcher) for the next day, you are sitting at home in serenity the night before Eid. Unbeknownst to you, a crisis is brewing. It is a crisis every Pakistani man with a sister, mother, girlfriend, or wife has faced.

It is the darzi (tailor) crisis.

During Eid season, every darzi in Pakistan gets more business than he can handle from customers wanting a new outfit to wear on the special occasion. Ideally, the clients want their dresses a week before the big day so they can have the dress modified, because as every woman knows, busy darzis never get it right the first time.

Ladies, this man holds your fate in his hands. -- Photo: Manal Khan/Dawn.com
Ladies, this man holds your fate in his hands. -- Photo: Manal Khan/Dawn.com

Whenever a customer inquires about their clothes from their darzi, the answer is always kal (tomorrow). Finally, after a frustrating week, tomorrow comes on the night before Eid. Interestingly enough, the only time the darzi’s answer is aaj (today) is when they are asking for payment.

When the darzi does a horrible job on Eid night, there is little you can do. One can scream at the darzi all they want, bring their weird uncle, even, but nothing will wipe the smug smile off the darzi's face.

There is now only one solution for the desperate lady in your life. Yes, you guessed it… Khaadi.

On the night of Eid, every Khaadi outlet in Pakistani is jam packed, bursting at the seams with customers hunting for the perfect top. There is a reason why these buyers, as they sometimes scream at each other while engaging in a tug of war with the last remaining jora, look so miserable. It is because their darzis let them down at the final hour.


When Eid officially begins, every Pakistani heads to their roof to play Rambo. Every year, countless people celebrate Eid with aerial firing. Sadly, Rambo never hurts himself.


Should you happen to be out on chaand raat, it is a wise idea to return before midnight. When the clock strikes twelve, and Eid officially begins, every Pakistani heads to their roof to play Rambo. Every year, countless people celebrate Eid with aerial firing, with stray bullets often hurting innocents. Sadly, Rambo never hurts himself.

The next morning you wake up at stupid o’clock in the morning for Eid prayers. As you sit in the mosque groggily waiting for prayers to commence, you wonder why the imam is giving a sermon on the state of Muslims worldwide on Eid day. Soon, he is talking about the glory days of Islam from an age older than Westeros, and finally he mentions how we should pray for some dude whose evil daughter apparently ran away with a boy. Here, you wonder if you should bring up your uncle, when the call to prayer fills your ears.

“Finally,” you breathe as you stand up.

The imam quickly runs through the format of the special namaz in a speech that barely registers on your sleepy brain. As prayer begins, through the corner of your eye, you carefully watch others praying in the next row so you can copy their moves.

Little do you know, they also came home late from Khaadi, and are equally disoriented.

You haven't reaaally celebrated Eid until you've said your Eid prayers in a parking lot.
You haven't reaaally celebrated Eid until you've said your Eid prayers in a parking lot.

Usually, it all works out fine unless someone being copied mistakenly clasps their arms around their waist when they should have left their appendages hanging by the sides, which causes a domino effect where several rows copying the person in the incorrect position also get it wrong, leaving those who have it right extremely confused.

Sometimes, an imam is in a good mood and reads a small verse, but occasionally he is prepared to recite the whole Quran. Having held your legs upright for so long, your ankles may start to feel itchy, and it is a challenge to scratch them without being observed by the bearded fellow next to you.


Eid prayers can be unpleasant if the carpets haven’t been washed since the glory days of Islam. Making physical contact with these stinky rugs during sajdah, you are convinced your nose will go the way of Michael Jackson’s.


Of course, the biggest advantage of arriving to a mosque early is being able to pray within the building rather than on the pavement, but this can sometimes be unpleasant if the carpets haven’t been washed since the glory days of Islam. Making physical contact with the stinky rugs during sajdah, you are convinced your nose will go the way of Michael Jackson’s.

After prayer finishes, the triple man hugs begin. In the early morning, the hugs are easy, but as the hot day wears on, you wonder if you should leave a bottle of deodorant at the door for visitors.

Should you be so fortunate, your butcher will show up on time providing you with a smooth sacrifice.

Well, as smooth as it can be.

Whenever I object to the way the sacrifices are conducted in Pakistan, someone asks me if I am a vegetarian or if don’t eat meat all year long, which isn’t the point. My criticism is not of the consumption of meat, but the method with which we acquire meat on Bakra Eid.

This man is clearly ready for action. -- Photo: AP
This man is clearly ready for action. -- Photo: AP

Livestock is supposed to be sacrificed without being subjected to physical or psychological cruelty according to scripture. Unfortunately, there is plenty of both in Pakistan. For one, the teachings suggest animals be killed away from each other so they are not overcome with fear, yet most animals witness other animals being painfully slaughtered, as if they were captives of militant groups.


Eid is big business for many, and part-time butchers who are clueless about what they are doing are often hired by people interested in low-cost solutions. Unfortunately, these part time butchers are brutal.


Eid is big business for many, and part-time butchers who are clueless about what they are doing are often hired by people interested in low-cost solutions. Unfortunately, these part time butchers are brutal, increasing the agony of an animal tenfold. Some animals, instead of being mercifully killed in seconds, die in needless pain after bleeding to death for several long minutes.

Particularly disgusting is the way a camel is slaughtered in Pakistan. Typically, a small wound is punctured in the camel’s neck, after which the beast runs around screaming as blood gushes from the cavity.

Ahem. Yes, there is a reason why my anecdotes don't go over well at Eid parties. This particular anecdote about camel slaughtering above once caused an entire Eid meal to be packed away uneaten.

Anyway, it certainly beats the standard query, “aap nay Eid kee namaz kahan parhee?”

Eid Mubarak everyone!


Thumbnail photos courtesy: globalmeatnews.com/Mustafa Hussain Photography/Manal Khan

Comments

Taimur Sep 25, 2015 11:21am
Nice write up, being away from Pakistan it refreshed my memories of the day in Pakistan. really good one, I couldn't stop laughing...
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nepotism Sep 25, 2015 11:28am
Eid Mubarak to everyone in Pakistan and best wishes from England PS the Namaz arms fold or not to fold isn't unique to Pakistan !! :)
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Peace Sep 25, 2015 11:30am
On this day of Bakar eid many families from my community lights up butter lamps at their homes and temples around my region so that the soul of all those many innocent animals who are being butchered on this same day would find peace. Heart literally swells on this day. On one hand one community is killing millions of animals and on the other hand one community is praying for those poor animals....
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kallan Sep 25, 2015 11:54am
The Darzi is the biggest procrastinator in this world. Never tell a darzi you want something at so and so date give him a few days earlier.
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Intrepid Sep 25, 2015 11:55am
Noman, thanks for the article. Good to get some idea of the festival as a non-Muslim. My neighbor is Muslim, but I haven' seen them get their own animal even once. I guess such practices may not be prevalent in urban areas of India. By the way, my best wishes to you on this occasion.
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kumar Sep 25, 2015 12:04pm
Ansari sab narrated Eid celebration very beautifully. Being a Hindu I cannot comment on any thing. But the narration is excellent. The writer is a soft hearted, humorous person. One thing is very sure that if this article is published in India, there will be riot. Not by learned muslims, but instigated by political parties.
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Ali Sep 25, 2015 12:11pm
Educate our children, money well spent!
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SundarIsaacs Sep 25, 2015 12:13pm
Superb article!!
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Talat Haque Sep 25, 2015 12:14pm
:) fun reading !
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jayat Sep 25, 2015 12:33pm
Nice article.Sacrifice of animals is an old trdition in many religions but most have given it up in modern times with the rise of animal lovers and animal rights.
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Umer Sep 25, 2015 12:41pm
Excellent. We've all been there and are still there. Brings a smile!
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Alok Sep 25, 2015 12:44pm
Very funny and good writing. Eid Mubarak to all of you from India.
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Khan of Khans Sep 25, 2015 12:50pm
We have turned an occasion that emphasised sacrifice of needs and desires into something that thrives on consumption and show off
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Christo Sep 25, 2015 01:09pm
Nicely written. But nobody really cares about animals when humans slaughter humans.
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AB Sep 25, 2015 01:09pm
Funny...gory ...but funny, nice read :-)- Eid Mubarak from a vegetarian Hindu Indian
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Khalid Sep 25, 2015 01:11pm
It's not that bad
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syeda Sep 25, 2015 01:16pm
nice article
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KhalidS Sep 25, 2015 01:30pm
Very nice read, but about sacrificing camels, i think this is how camels are sacrificed, standing. If done properly, they don't run around, they just collapse after 10 to 20 sec. anyway.
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Adeel J Sep 25, 2015 01:36pm
Great piece we can relate to. Loved the humour. Good material for a stand up gig. Thumbs up!!
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Bilal Sep 25, 2015 01:54pm
Does not reflect how an ordinary Pakistani feel on the occasion. You could have done a bit of research before putting this piece together.
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Skeptic Sep 25, 2015 02:20pm
Ok, so the poor Bakra is the pro-verbial lamb, being blamed, but alas, not allowed to defend himself! LOL!
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rohit Sep 25, 2015 02:21pm
nice article. witty and observant. APPLAUSE.
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Nagesh Sep 25, 2015 03:10pm
Well written and very humorous article. It is great that Pakistanis are taking this article in a right spirit. If you were in India, you would be running for your life! Eid Mubarak again!
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Mahmood Sep 25, 2015 03:31pm
At least at this occasion we can say there is steak in every house, and a feast fit for a king!
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kabir Sep 25, 2015 03:32pm
Great article. Love and best wishes on the festival from Gujarat, India.
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4Bortherhood Sep 25, 2015 04:28pm
Nicely written article by Noman bhai. It gives a good insight of how people celebrate and their common feelings. Yes the scarifying animals and that too so brutally gives pain. But these days even humans are subjected to inhuman brutality what we can expect for the poor animals? Anyway, Eid Mubarak to all my brothers here.
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Mahmood Sep 25, 2015 05:06pm
The proverbial sacrificial lamb is being blamed for source of all the blood, gore, carcass, skin and hooves that litter every neighborhood in the towns an cities of the country. And not a word of appreciation from all the cats, dogs, mice and assorted other beings, who get to feast on these to their heart's content for days and weeks after the Eid is forgotten!
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Jha Sep 25, 2015 05:32pm
Great article Noman Bhai! I respect your sntiment.
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Yusuf Bhatia Sep 25, 2015 05:38pm
This made my day :D
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Atul Sep 25, 2015 07:28pm
How about sacrificing something from our life whose parting will pain us the most like it did prophet Abraham rather than killing innocent market purchased animals as a convenient alternative? How about practicing true spirit of islam which mercy for the weak and voiceless and peace to everyone?
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Suresh Sep 25, 2015 07:43pm
Very good observation, excellent narration, i was laughing myself like a "mad man". Personally, I didn't like slaughtering innocent mute animals, instead donate your money to poor and celebrate with sweat, NO OFFENSE, my person opinion, person can do whatever they believe in.
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reno Malik Sep 25, 2015 07:50pm
this is hilarious write up. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. But you are brave for putting your thoughts in writing.
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Aadi Sep 25, 2015 08:09pm
Very Nice article. Especially namaz part. I have done it today as well
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Ali Sep 25, 2015 08:14pm
HAHA! very nice article specially for those living abroad. Its been years i haven't been to Pak for Eid al Adha and this reminds me of those times. Sometimes these butchers betray you at the end time and your elder bro has to search whole mohalla and most of the time he will find him in the house next to yours. Eid Mubarak!
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vsesh Sep 25, 2015 08:54pm
@kumar Eid mubarak to all muslims! I agree with you, nice well writen article....enjoyed reading! I'm a pure vegetarian hindu-Indian, could relate to the darzi episode...similar to what we encounter during diwali :)
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Imtiaz Faruqui Sep 25, 2015 09:02pm
I have a dream for the Muslim world, Imagine all the people giving a real Qurbani, by not eating or sroring Meat in their referigiaters but donating that money to built Hospitals and Schools in their country, The second Qubani they can give is to donate their Haj money to chairity to benifits the common man of that country. The muslim world will be happier and stronger that way. But I doubt mullahs will like that.
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DR. SHAZIA Sep 25, 2015 09:25pm
A satirical and witty view re Baq'r Eid. Truly hilarious to read about the "creepy uncle" lol. On a more serious note, federal and provincial governments should make it illegal to slaughter animals in residential areas. It's not only unhygienic, it's also not an acceptable practice in this day and age knowing what we know today about animal borne diseases post slaughter. Especially when such slaughters are conducted by "amateurs" rather then actual butchers - who should be certified rather then inexperienced zabiha valla. This was common practice for hundreds of years - only now we need to evolve into a more practical society and let qualified butchers do this. In more upscale neighborhoods in Karachi this type of slaughter is not permitted, yet in Lahore - even in Model Town and Garden town it's a common practice.
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Vish Sep 25, 2015 10:59pm
Very enjoyable article. As a vegetarian and animal lover, I completely agree that any cattle that is killed for its meat should not have to suffer in the process. There are methods used in the west to stun the animal (less than a second later the animal is unconscious), which should be adopted in the subcontinent. The current Halal method employed may have been the most humane method a few centuries ago, but new and better ways have since been invented, that need to be employed.
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democrat Sep 25, 2015 11:20pm
Nice humorous article. Can not comment on the killing of animals as I have never seen any animal sacrifice in my life. But entire atmosphere of Eid has been well described.
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Murtaza Abbas, Karachi Sep 25, 2015 11:35pm
A good piece, Interestingly, what we forget is the we give immense pain to the animal when the buthcer is inexperienced. I remember a Camel slaughter when some inexperienced guy performed the ritual and it took about 35 mins for the camel to die... I cried for the poor animal and asked for forgiveness from the god. Happy Eid to all and don't forget that the animal is giving its life for you and it's our duty and responsibility to treat the animal with respect and honour.
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Qutub Sep 26, 2015 02:19am
@Murtaza Abbas, Karachi :The animal is not giving its life. It is being taken away by humans - the greatest predator of all times. What sacrifice is this ?. Is it relevant in modern times?
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Sunny Sep 26, 2015 03:12am
@Murtaza Abbas, Karachi "Happy Eid to all and don't forget that the animal is giving its life for you and it's our duty and responsibility to treat the animal with respect and honour." It is not giving its life but you are taking it's life. Huge difference.
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Sleepless in Sahiwal Sep 26, 2015 03:20am
Hilarious, Man! I am not in Pakistan but this reminded me of all the Eids that I spent there. Very well written. Non sweaty Eid *Hug*!
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Mudabbir Sep 26, 2015 03:44am
Man o man .. you probably dont realise it but I think you hv just scored higher on the 'funny writeup scale' than NFP and that my friend is a no small thing . Thank you to the Author and his Uncle for their respective contributions .
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Ashutosh Mishra Sep 26, 2015 09:04am
@Bilal He will need to write a monograph for fulfilling your wish. Right now here is a satirical, short anthropological piece which I guess people have immensely enjoyed, especially Dawn's Indian readership that don't witness any such even remotely comparable scene within their country.
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Ankur Sep 26, 2015 09:51am
Though I am against cruelty towards animals but I liked your article. Wished that this article was published in Indian newspapers too. I feel that instead of spending money on the animals to be butchered the same money can be used for medicines for the poor or buying books for poor and needy students. I am sorry if I have hurt anybody's sentiments.
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Q Sep 26, 2015 11:37am
There is no university or school for butchers, there is no system to organize slaughter in good way, there is no awakening to clean places. There must be some Edi type foundations in every place to deal with slaughter and accept the method of latest subconsious condition. Stop unorganized way to every activity when system can be implemented. Islam does not stop accepting latest know how.
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N H S Sep 26, 2015 03:39pm
Nice and funny article, with humanitarian touch.I am a vegetarian. You have added a fan from India... Thanks for enlightening....
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n d gaur Sep 28, 2015 11:45am
@Imtiaz Faruqui You are truly an enlightened soul my friend, a bodhisattva of sorts!
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n d gaur Sep 28, 2015 11:46am
@Qutub You have a noble heart and mind to think this way!
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mahjbeen khan Sep 28, 2015 07:23pm
One thing i want to remind you is Kurta of the male members of the house .I realy enjoy during reading this article .
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sarfraz Sep 28, 2015 08:30pm
Unfortunate reality most Pakistanis prefer to accept‏
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Wigi Sep 29, 2015 03:40pm
You repress your urge to mutter, “Uncle, I think you are at the wrong mandi.” hahaha .. amazing
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