02 Apr, 2016

There are occasions in life when we really hope that someone's pulling our leg. Like Trump's run for presidency, for example.

Wouldn't it be great if Donald Trump didn't really believe in a travel ban on Muslims, a wall around Mexico and that an investigation into US President Barack Obama's origins is necessary? That he was just pulling a giant prank on us? He has the money for it.

Unfortunately, that's not the case, and neither is that true for the following list of bizarre occurrences these past few weeks.

Here's a list of things we wish were April Fools' Day jokes... but weren't.

1) France's Minister of Women's Rights suggests that women who wear the hijab by choice are like "negroes who accepted slavery"

Laurence Rossignol, appointed by the French government to protect women's rights, thought it fit to convey to Muslim women in France that they should only be wearing what she thought was suitable clothing for women.

In a TV interview, Rossignol criticised brands like Dolce and Gabbana and H&M for creating modest lines for Muslim women are “promoting the confinement of women’s bodies.” When her interviewer noted that some Muslim women choose to wear the hijab, she responded, "Of course there are women who choose it. There were American negroes who were in favor of slavery.”

Rossignol was slammed for her sexist remarks, for failing to appreciate that women are qualified to make informed choices about what they wear, even if they conflict with her views. However, Rossignol only apologised for the "error of language" in her using the word "negro" and didn't retract her statement.

Sigh. How we wish this were an ugly prank.

2) Alleged exes Hrithik-Kangana involve the courts and police in their very public mudslinging match

A break up can be messy business, but Hrithik Roshan and Kangana Ranaut have involved state institutions like the courts and police as they struggle to tell their respective sides of the story. Like there aren't enough actual crimes and cases that need solving.

The split of the alleged couple came to light when Hrithik slapped Kangana with a legal notice demanding an ‘unconditional apology’ for a ‘defaming’ remark in an interview where she allegedly referred to him as ‘silly ex’. He went on to lodge a cyber crime case with the police against an impersonator who used a fake email ID to interact with Anushka, convincing her of a relationship with Hrithik.

Hrithik also dismissed rumours of his relationship with Kangana on Twitter
Hrithik has since made a series of unflattering claims about Kangana, like her suffering from Asperger's Syndrome, sending him 1,439 emails (to his real email ID) that were "senseless, personal and absurd" and that their alleged relationship never happened.

Talk about covering up.

3- The Pakistan Cricket Court couldn't hold on to Waqar Younis' confidential report for a day

Someone at Pakistan Cricket Board sure has butter fingers. Details of Waqar Younis' confidential report from a meeting that assessed Pakistan's disastrous World Twenty20 campaign was leaked to the media 'hours after' it was submitted.

Younis said that selective portions from his "fair assessment" were leaked to the press, making him look like "some kind of villian."

He went as far saying that there “was more politics in Pakistan cricket than the parliament.”

We think that's another "fair assessment" from Younis.

4- Every Instagrammer think that Instagram's updates are rolling out, like... tomorrow

You know what we're talking about - almost every other Instagram account is imploring its followers to "turn on notifications" for an upcoming update to the photo-sharing app that will change users' feed from latest-first to an interest-based one.

The update, however, is in testing mode, reports New York Times.

“Despite the rumors, no feed changes are being implemented right now — we still have weeks, or even months, of testing to go,” an Instagram spokesman said in a statement. “Currently the test groups are very small. When we roll it out broadly, we will definitely let the community know.”

But here we have people turning on notifications on dozens of accounts, the result of each will be getting a push notifications every time those account post something. In other words, annoying.

5- Moulvis thinking their chappals are nuclear missiles

Pro-Qadri protestors channelled their fury at army helicopters that buzzed overhead during a demonstration at D-Chowk. How did they do it? They hurled their slippers on the helicopters and were convinced that their lethal footwear chased the helicopters away.

We can only wish that these protesters had more sense or that the chappal-throwing was some sort of clever joke.