We only want to protect ‘perfect victims’ — newsflash, there are none
When women speak up about harassment, they are often met with ridicule and disbelief. When they die, people ask why they didn't say anything.
When news broke that social media influencer Samiya Hijab was almost allegedly kidnapped by a man, what should have been a moment of collective concern for her safety turned into something else. Instead of condemning the violence, far too many online users took to victim-blaming — twisting unverified rumours into excuses for abuse. But Ali Gul Pir and Nadia Hussain aren’t going to let that stand.
The rapper and comedian called out an X user after they tried to rationalise the alleged kidnapping attempt with excuses like, “but she took money from him”.
“People like you are the reason our beautiful country is unsafe for women. Victim-blaming loser. You don’t own humans if you buy the gifts, doesn’t mean you can kidnap them when you feel like it,” he wrote.
Hussain echoed the same sentiment in an Instagram video. She pointed out that abuse should be condemned regardless of whether two people are dating, engaged, or married, and whether that abuse is physical or financial in nature.
“What people are making a taboo, a stigma out of, what they’re talking about most is that Samiya Hijab was in a relationship with this man who assaulted her and tried to kidnap her. So what?” she demanded.
“People in their relationships go through multiple stages. They’ve either just started seeing each other, gotten engaged, or gotten married. Irrespective of what stage they are in that relationship, when abuse occurs, the conversation should be about the abuse!”
She reiterated that if at any point in a relationship, even 20 or 40 years down the line, abuse has occurred, whether it’s physical, verbal, emotional, or financial, it is absolutely unacceptable and needs to be talked about.
“Samiya is right when she says that even if she were in a relationship, it does not mean he could be physically abusive. If she did not wish to continue with that relationship, she had the right to do so. The same is the case with a married woman; if she doesn’t want to continue with a marriage she’s in because abuse has occurred, she has the right to end that marriage.”
Hussain asked why we’re so adamant on blaming the woman, finding faults in her claim, and somehow making her out to be the villain. “Because she was in a relationship with someone? If a woman wishes to get to know the person before marrying them, what is wrong with that?”
She said this is the kind of scrutiny that prevents girls from speaking up when they are harassed, assaulted, or raped. “This is all because we as people are not willing to accept that a girl has a voice and that she can use it to get justice.
“Please, stay focused on the real problem here,” she insisted, “which is abuse, not non-problems.”
The model shared that if men are going through some kind of abuse in a relationship, they too can speak up, but violence is never the answer. “If the man has problems in a relationship, if some kind of theft or cheating has occurred, no one is stopping him from speaking up either. But being physically abusive, hitting a girl, throwing her in your car, pulling her hair, slapping her, abducting her, that is absolutely unacceptable, irrespective of the point of the relationship you’re in with that girl, whether it’s the initial courting period, or you’re engaged or married to her. If the man claims to have been robbed, he could’ve registered an FIR too. Why didn’t he do that? So please, focus on the real problem here,” she insisted.
Too often in Pakistan, survivors are questioned more harshly than their attackers, their pain dismissed unless they fit the mould of a “perfect victim”. Until that changes, women will continue to be failed by a society that prefers to debate their choices instead of holding perpetrators accountable.
Because the truth is simple, there is no justification for violence against women. Not in rumours, not in speculation, not in any “but” or “if”. Abuse is abuse, and trying to rationalise it by digging into a woman’s personal life only shows how deeply rooted misogyny still is in our society. As we noted in a recent article, abuse victims in Pakistan are only believed when they are dead — and sometimes not even then.
The victim blaming we’re currently witnessing is a reminder that change begins with holding the right people accountable. Until that shift happens, women will continue to live in fear, knowing that even when they survive, their pain will be questioned before it is believed.