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Everybody loves Dar-e-Nijaat’s Abu Bakar. Widely described by viewers as the ultimate green flag of a man, the character played by Sheheryar Munawar has become Pakistan’s national crush and it seems every girl wants a partner just like him.

Abu Bakar is known for being endlessly patient even when he is mistreated by his wife, obedient to his mother to a fault, and a man who others count on to solve their problems.

Now, TV host Veena Malik wants to bring the Abu Bakar fan club back to reality with a simple message: he’s not real and he definitely isn’t coming to save you.

Malik raised the subject in conversation with Aeysha Imran Murtaza, a director at the Fountain House Institute of Mental Health, on her show Veena Hai Na.

Murtaza said they hear hundreds of cases from people who come to them and called the fantasisation of the ‘perfect man’ an “important issue” that served as a background for many people’s struggles with mental health.

The guest cited a case of a girl who had come to the institute with depression after her marriage didn’t turn out to be all she had hoped for.

“Initially, she thought [her groom] was like Abu Bakar. But as soon as she had to do some work around the house, realised she needed to run a household, saw her ‘Abu Bakar’ had many responsibilities and was exhausted when he came home … the Abu Bakar from the drama began to fade and now she’s gone into depression,” she recounted.

Both women agreed that the concept of a happy ending was unrealistic. Murtaza said that while everyone had the right to have dreams and dreaming of an ideal is not a bad thing, Pakistan’s youth are not taught “the art” of how to make those dreams come true.

“Idealism, if you’re only living in a fantasy, can literally destroy your life,” Malik said, which her guest agreed with.

Murtaza explained the key to building a successful relationship is in being empathetic and caring for each other, especially when life gets difficult.

The ideals espoused by Abu Bakar do a disservice to both men and women. Munawar himself has weighed in on the character, pointing out his people-pleasing tendencies and his saviour complex. “Imagine the pressure this man lives under,” he told the BBC’s Haroon Rashid in an interview last month.

Murtaza cautioned about the persistent effect media can have on children well into adulthood, and advised parents to keep up with what their children are consuming, and to have conversations with them about what they found most compelling in this media.

She suggested parents ask their children about the good and bad qualities of whatever characters they idealised in order to help contextualise them within the real world.