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The internet is up in arms over Saba Faisal’s remarks on a morning show last week where she passionately advocated for the unchallenged rule of mothers-in-law in any joint family setup. She posted her side of the story on Tuesday, apologising for any hurt feelings and lamenting having to “pay the price of fame and wealth.”

Instructing an assembled ‘class’ of young girls on how to behave in their new homes, Saba told Nida Yasir of Good Morning Pakistan on December 8, “the worst thing any mother-in-law could do was to let an incoming daughter-in-law get her own wedding dresses made.” That, she said, means “from day one, she’ll be wearing what she’s gotten made and what she likes”.

She went on to say that all of her wedding dresses — some 43 years ago — were designed by her husband’s sisters, with one notable exception that her father-in-law insisted she get made herself. She also recounted how, on her mother-in-law’s instructions, she’d dress up every morning before making her way to the breakfast table.

These ’“values”, as the actor framed them, were entrenched in past generations, she recalled fondly. She also recounted her husband saying “Your in-laws’ house is one place you should become deaf and dumb, that’s how you have a peaceful life.” She said she was here to give out “tips” to the young girls present.

Archaic and authoritarian, Saba’s words triggered an outcry on social media, actor Fiza Ali said what the ideas being propagated were “control, not love.” Hira Khan questioned how this was “allowed” on national television. Javeria Saud said, “Not just your in-laws’ house, you need to keep your eyes, ears and tongue open everywhere to live a peaceful life,” alluding to a need to speak up on important issues.

On X, users couldn’t believe their ears when they heard such antiquated views in 2025. One user made a much needed point on how, “Trauma-dumping on young girls isn’t guidance, it’s harm,” while another just called Saba a “Pick-me” and left it at that.

The actor’s daughter, Sadia Faisal, defended her mother saying “Deaf we are,” a netizen asked channels to please stop giving them a platform.

Which brings us to yesterday, when Saba posted a video explaining her point of view on Instagram. She said her words had been taken out of context and accused critics of “not watching the full video”. She apologised for using the words “deaf and dumb” when referring to how people should behave at their in-laws’, saying that she meant there was a need to “forgive and ignore” things.

As for her comments on wedding dresses, she doubled down saying girls need to spend a lifetime with their husband’s family, their tastes should “merge” with his mother and sisters. She also said incoming daughters-in-law bring their own “values” which also need to merge with their husband’s family.

The actor said she wasn’t telling women to force their daughters-in-law to wear what they prefer for themselves, she was just saying that in their place she and her daughters would get the bride’s clothes made, which is an expression of love and care. She said she didn’t mean to hurt anyone and apologised in case she inadvertently did.

On the flip side, just a few days after Saba’s problematic episode aired, Nadia Jamil was on the show on Dec 12 with her son. Her take was the polar opposite and she told the host, “Women have to protect women”. She also said that if she ever saw her son misbehave with his wife, she’d tell him to leave the house, because “it’s my daughter-in-law’s house [too]”.

Jamil was very clear when she said every household is different and that she trusts her future daughters-in-law will be raised well by their mothers. Her own job, she added, was to raise good sons.

Saba is, of course, a product of her time, when women bowed their heads at home and bent over backwards to accommodate their in-laws. The world, however, has left these dated notions behind.

The idea of being “deaf and dumb” — essentially, taking whatever you’re giving with a smile — is what has enabled so much domestic abuse and kept so many trapped in unhappy and unsafe marriages in the past.

The actor is right this time around to suggest forgiveness and compromise are important in a relationship, that too from both ends, but communication and airing grievances is also important. If people want to live together, they must learn to talk to each other and resolve any differences they may have.

As for dresses, a girl’s wedding is one of the most special days of her life. Many girls look forward to it for years, planning everything out in intricate detail. It’s understandable if close family members have an opinion on what a bride chooses to wear, but she should not be dictated or coerced into wearing what other people want, on her wedding day, or any other day.