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Ertugrul, Esra Bilgic and the frustrations of Pakistani men

If you are a Pakistani man, here's why this Turkish woman has you simultaneously exasperated and enchanted
Updated 16 May, 2020


In the middle of a global pandemic, the state-run PTV began airing a Turkish historical fiction drama series, Ertugrul, which experienced such a meteoric rise in popularity in the country that it became part of the national discourse, causing several debates regarding the authenticity of our cultural histories.

Read that sentence again. Understand that it is true.

Imagine the events that must have aligned in a very precise fashion for it to have happened. And then realise this is not even what this piece is about because something even more fascinating - or absurd depending on how you view it - occurred.

The Pakistani male fantasy came to life. Playing the wife of the titular character on the show is Turkish actor Esra Bilgiç whose portrayal of Halime Hatun has led to a dedicated male following in our country.

It did not take long for her fans to look her up on Instagram, and then be promptly disappointed by the fact that she, in fact, did not dress or behave like the wife of a Muslim warrior from the thirteenth century.

Also read: Pakistani fans are moral policing Ertugrul's Esra Bilgic on Instagram

Ever spurred on by their commitment to religiosity and piety, Muslim men from Pakistan who had looked up a Turkish actress on a photo and video sharing platform, felt it their spiritual duty to educate her, or advice her, or berate her - depending on their self-confidence - on the ethics of being a pious Muslim woman.

A photo posted by Instagram (@instagram) on

The catch here? It is very unlikely that she would have developed the massive male fan following that she had developed in such a short time in Pakistan if she did follow their code of conduct.

It is understandable if men would have felt slightly mystified, slightly horrified by this beautiful, Muslim woman who played by their rules on TV but "broke" them on social media yet continued to fascinate them more than she angered them. Something quite remarkable had taken place, after all.


With a Turkish actress, it gets complicated. They want this woman to be Muslim and they need this woman to remain desirable.


For years, Pakistani men had successfully maintained a dichotomy between the foreign, white woman and the Muslim, brown woman. The foreign, white woman is an object of desire and lust, at once a woman to be feared, because of her colour, and a woman to be conquered, because of her sex.

The brown woman on the other hand, is supposed to embody the brown man’s ideology. She is the keeper of the private sphere, and should submit entirely to the authority of the brown man.

You might be shaking your heads right now, negation on the tip of your tongue; I assure you I want to agree with you and believe that men do not, in fact, view women like this.

However, Frantz Fanon and Partha Chatterjee have written extensively about how the encounter of men of colour with colonialism impacted gender ties in the colony, and it seems that, unfortunately both our wishes remain unfulfilled.

The dichotomy however collapsed with Bilgiç who, at once possessed appearance close in proximity to European femininity, but the heritage and ideology of the brown, Muslim woman. She was almost white and Muslim enough. She was not to be feared, yet possessed all the desirability. And thus began the crisis that led to the barrage of comments on her Instagram posts.


She was the ultimate Pakistani male fantasy. A miracle happened and she became real. Now Pakistani men do not know how to deal with the paradox of the dichotomy their misogyny had created.


For it had been easier with Pakistani actresses. These brown, Muslim women, who digressed, did not possess a local male following of such vigour and had to get used to their characters being questioned over the slightest digressions from expected behaviour. “Is this the Islamic Republic of Pakistan?” has almost ascended to idiomatic status on Pakistani twitter, regularly used to caption pictures where Pakistani actresses show even the slightest bit of skin or are seen in close proximity to male colleagues.

There is a very simple logic to this: good, pious women are not supposed to stray so far from the private sphere that they enter the showbiz industry.

It had been similarly easy with Hollywood actresses. It is an open secret that men enjoy displays of sensuality by these foreign, white women, in whose life choices they do not expect their ideologies to be reflected, and thus feel no emotional stake in their “characters”.

The logic to this is equally simple: men can easily separate the flesh from the humanity here that they cannot empathise with, and are thus free to lust after these women.

A photo posted by Instagram (@instagram) on

With a Turkish actress, it gets complicated. They want this woman to be Muslim and they need this woman to remain desirable. If she agrees to the former and reigns in her European femininity, she becomes as familiar and as “ordinary” as the brown woman; erasing the charm that makes her desirable. If she tries to do the latter and dials back her “Muslim-ness”, she becomes as unacquirable and as foreign as the White woman; losing the empathy that had evoked an emotional response.

She was the ultimate Pakistani, male fantasy. A miracle happened and she became real. Now Pakistani men do not know how to deal with the paradox of the dichotomy their misogyny had created.

And it is absolutely hilarious.

Of course, there was also the odd comment on the male lead’s Instagram, warning him against keeping dogs as pets indoors, since that is against religious tradition in Pakistan. But neither the quantity or quality of the sentiment could compare to the emotionally charged moral bombardment in Bilgiç’s comments section, that I can only hope she did not read.

There is, after all, a difference between your role model not acting in the way you want him to, and not knowing how you want your object of desire to act. So while Ertugrul has caused much debate about culture, and provided much entertainment amid a lockdown, it just feels a little unfair to not pay attention to the cultural development and entertainment value it has provided off-screen.

If you are a Pakistani man, spare a thought as to why this Turkish woman has you simultaneously frustrated and enchanted. If you're a Pakistani woman who has shouldered the burden of this ungrateful, Pakistani man’s piety, look at him grapple with his own misogyny.


Aimun Faisal is a journalist at Soch Videos who cares very deeply about feminism, Pakistan cricket, and history, and thus very little about her mental health. She tweets at @Bluemagicboxes

Comments

M. Saeed May 13, 2020 03:47pm
It simply is, making mountain out of a mole-hole. She is just a Turkish actress, like many other.
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Shahzad Akbar Shaikh May 13, 2020 03:51pm
this is hilarious. Totally enjoyed a good read.
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Farooq May 13, 2020 03:54pm
Men will be men.......
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Farooq May 13, 2020 04:02pm
Very clearly and precisely depicts the psychology of Pakistani men. I was at once embarrassed and entertained while reading these comments on the Turkish actress's account. Here, I loved this part :- " If you're a Pakistani woman who has shouldered the burden of this ungrateful, Pakistani man’s piety, look at him grapple with his own misogyny. " On a serious note, I have always felt that planned workshops on 'ethics, civics, gender/ethnic diversity and cultural sensitivities' will be eye opening for an average Pakistani person (specially males), and will enable him to relate to and interact with people of other countries, religions and ethnicities, whenever he gets a chance to do so. For those traveling abroad for labor jobs, such a training should be mendatory, so that he can fit in easily and represent Pakistan in a befitting manner abroad.
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PAKISTANi May 13, 2020 04:08pm
Wow. Trying to make news out of 15 naysayers versus nearly 100 million fans.
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saira bano May 13, 2020 04:09pm
There are 448 episodes of this drama serial. Pakistanis should rather be more concentrated upon the plot and the history than their personel lives. The serial represents the woman of 13th century but alas! Its 21st. And we have adjusted with time.
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Pakistani man May 13, 2020 04:21pm
Suggest, that not generalize by using the work PAKISTANI MAN/MEN, you could have used SOME or MANY PAKISTANI MEN instead - as all MEN are not the same. You might find this attitude in other cultures as well.
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Noor Ali May 13, 2020 04:25pm
Very well written, the article reflects the physiological of Pakistani men.
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haris May 13, 2020 04:26pm
C'mon please stop it. This is the third article on this utterly unimportant issue. Did Esra Bilgic complained about it ? No, because this is nothing new for artists in show-biz. Fans often carried away with personal lives of their stars. Just ignore it! Can't you just ignore it and move forward?
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Imran May 13, 2020 04:27pm
oh please.. feminism at men... NOT again..
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joe May 13, 2020 04:33pm
This to me is a sick mentality of men. When it comes to their OWN women ,they must remain modest ,but the fair skin women must EXPOSÉ ,so that their hunger is satisfied.
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Talha Khan May 13, 2020 04:42pm
Not All Pakistani Men. All rings true. Just not ALL Pakistani men. Other than that great article.
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Salman May 13, 2020 04:42pm
Most Pakistani men are sick. Really sick. And sadly it's not because of corona
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Chico May 13, 2020 04:46pm
Sexual frustration of Pakistani men is voicing our in the social media. This had to happen one day.
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aDEEL jALIL May 13, 2020 04:56pm
Well written. amazingly grasped the underlying reasons for this behavior.
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Kamran Ali May 13, 2020 05:06pm
A majority of Pakistani men are sexually frustrated hypocritical deviants. Afraid of strong women and quick to preach to others what they barely abide by themselves. Yes, I'm Pakistani heritage but fortunate enough to have not succumbed to the chauvinism and petty mindedness that afflicts many. Go find and proselytize someone who is interested because I'm sure the majority are not.
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Ahmad May 13, 2020 05:30pm
I think she should be admired of her perfect acting in series rather then complain her on personal life.
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RationalBabu May 13, 2020 05:56pm
Sharp hard hitting observation on hypocritical Pakistani men!
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Cris Dan May 13, 2020 06:00pm
Helloooo guy!!! This is 21st century.
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Cris Dan May 13, 2020 06:03pm
Pakistani men will not change themselves. When no situation,they pretend to be civilized and educated men-but any example of womanś self assertion on her own life style- we will find Pakistani guys in their original tribal/cave mentality.
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Sarah May 13, 2020 06:23pm
A very well written article if you ever visited or lived in the West you would unfortunately see pakistani men's behaviour on display on a continuously daily basis and I assure you it's not just a few bad apples. For further proof check poor jemima goldsmiths Twitter account.
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ABCD May 13, 2020 06:38pm
Good read. Bilkis is a woman of twenty first century who has portrayed the character of a Muslim woman of twelve century. Most of Pakistani men being old fashioned are getting carried away by the character. They are still thinking that they are a part of that drama and fantasizing those imaginary glorious moments. Reason is obvious, excessive liking to religion.
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Seedoo May 13, 2020 06:45pm
A very well written article. Looks like you are a psychiatrist or psychologist also. Pakistani men have double standards, there is one for a Muslim woman who is supposed to be modest and run their households, and the other for white European women who are supposed to be objects of lust. All this talk of piety is just a smoke screen. Google had ranked Pakistan number one in searches for porn
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Hassan Ali May 13, 2020 06:49pm
Beautifully written to describe the thoughts which goes through their brain.
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Nabil May 13, 2020 07:05pm
they have not much else to talk about
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Ali abbas May 13, 2020 07:08pm
I agree with everything in this article except that Pakistani women are equally confused and hypocritical as men. Simply read the comments posted by women, pretty ignorant. I have completely given up on Pakistani men though still hold some hope that women will eventually evolve.
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Jay May 13, 2020 07:45pm
Wondering why PTV is promoting Turkish Dramas, instead of making a Pakistani Dramas. Why Imran Government is spending scarce resources in buying Turkish Dramas and then dubbing in Urdu. Wondering if Turkey is also buying Pakistani Dramas? What waste of Foreign Exchange
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Truth May 13, 2020 07:55pm
No, we can't. This has to be addressed. Pakistani men need to change!!
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Nasiroski May 13, 2020 08:18pm
Bravo a very well written article. Based on the comments below a minor observation Although the characters are from history this is fiction the dialogue the events are all fictional.
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Iftikhar Khan May 13, 2020 08:24pm
Wait for a decade. Ertugrul will be a common name for children, just like Osama before. Perhaps this name helps some other historical Turkish names like Aluptageen and Subaktageen.
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Reader May 13, 2020 09:15pm
In Europe most Muslim men chase white women but marry their own.
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Imran May 13, 2020 10:35pm
This obsession happens due to dilemma of our society who want to mix religion, monarchy and society norms, which makes no sense, religion is practice, you like it, there are guides for it, follow them, simple, king and queens don't exist anymore and no one care about the remaining royal families, every society have different norms, different lifestyle, so just accept the truth and also how Islamic we are by our self, we all know well (pure sarcasm).
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Laila May 13, 2020 10:37pm
Haris, I have not seen others fans behave like this. We've a serious issue with misogyny not just among our men but women too. What Esra Bilgic received is very mild compared to what our Pakistani celebrities and public profiles have to go through. Everything from lecture on Islam, veiling, vulgar abusive language, mockery, body shaming to being compared to prostitutes. This is not acceptable. If you look at other fans like Arabs, they do not behave like this. Neither do Turks themselves. So it's high time this issue recives focus and perhaps this will make Pakistani fans rethink. Being a celebrity doesn't mean you have to put up with everything. Also consider that this can have negative consequences. Such as visa or entry restrictions for Pakistanis going to Turkey or even create prejudice or even boycotts. Why can we Pakistanis not be known for good things? Why do we think, we are the only best Muslims of the world and custodians of Islam? Why this obsession with how females dress/cover? What business is this of anybody? This is a very backwards thinking and embarrassing.
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Marium May 13, 2020 11:22pm
This article grasped the issue at hand so so well!
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Saif May 14, 2020 12:06am
We as nation start becoming judgemental about others. And this article is a true example. Let us respect everyone's freedom and right of opinion.
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Zahid May 14, 2020 12:08am
The article s a masterpiece of jewelled faminism. The writer is protraying about 100 million Pakistan's Men on the basis just a few comments. Hilarious
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Ana May 14, 2020 12:18am
So true. I have seen some pakistani guys do this here. They are so different with women of other cultures but with Pakistani women they think we should be on a high morality pedestal. Literally a US born desi Muslim guy was confused when he saw me on tinder eventhough my profile said looking for serious relationship. yet He asked me if I would sleep with him for $100. Yuck. He was a doctor. Basically the ideal son in law for most desi parents. So if as a muslim woman, you digress, some rightwing men are ready to sexualize you. Again not all Pakistani men but a good number of them.
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Arifa May 14, 2020 12:25am
Absolutely on point! The author has nailed it!
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Ayaz May 14, 2020 12:56am
Expecting her to look like a typical muslima is like expecting the actor playing ertugul to launch an attack on crusades in the modern day, doesn't make sense right? so please dont mix acting and personal life.
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Maheen May 14, 2020 01:52am
Really amazing. It is the actual creepy mentality of Pakistani men and it's hilarious to criticize him for keeping dog indoor. People are so quick to judge others without looking at themselves first.
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Pathanoo May 14, 2020 04:18am
Let me help you men. Esra Bilgic is an actor. Her next acting role might be Indira Gandhi.
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Arij Khan May 14, 2020 04:33am
The contradiction in the Pakistani man’s psyche can’t be resolved. Men desire in their private lives, and at the same time, in public, think desire is somehow immoral. Catch 22.
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INgram May 14, 2020 05:12am
Pakistani society and the education system has created individuals who cannot think out of their bubbles. Everything in the world has to be as per their taste. As one Pakistani blogger put it wisely; Pakistani men live in a fantasy world. I would put this more wildly though; idiots got hands on digital devices connected to the internet and they just do not know what to do!!!
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Salman Syed May 14, 2020 05:20am
Well written. I saw same here in USA how Muslim men have dual standards.
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Zulfiqar May 14, 2020 06:09am
Your suggestion is excellent. I’ve been advocating the same for years. All Pakistani schools should be teaching a mandatory ethics course in matric and 1st 2nd year, in addition to your suggestion.
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Baba May 14, 2020 06:54am
What is the fun to show foreign culture to us?
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Zak May 14, 2020 07:26am
Ertugrul is a great drama. We should dub our best shows in Turkish and have it screened there. They will love it. We both have historical and cultural affinity.
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MAN O MAN May 14, 2020 07:42am
Absolutely well crafted article!
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Billy May 14, 2020 07:46am
Exactly what I thought just a pinch of people not all fans are like that and to top it off they were not all men but women as well.
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Adnan May 14, 2020 08:15am
Very well explained. I might have reservations on your views. But you are logical and thinking out of the box
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Samofmich May 14, 2020 08:33am
I got hooked on this series from Netflix. This was mainly due to plot, historical reference and viewing history from a new perspective. The plot also emphasizes on basic human values, good over evil, chivalry, unconditional love etc. Yes Esra (Halime) is good looking and carries all the mentioned attributes but that is not what keeps audiences hooked to this rather lengthy series.
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Bunny response May 14, 2020 09:17am
You mean "Psychology", right?
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Bunny response May 14, 2020 09:19am
And... "Boys will be boys "as they fight, bully, and assault--b/c they are boys? When will they be held to account?
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Bunny response May 14, 2020 09:20am
Or, too many"?
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Bunny response May 14, 2020 09:23am
"Can't you just ignore it ...?" And let it fester and ignore women's needs and sensitivities and suffering?
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marium shirazee-Jan May 14, 2020 09:32am
Beautifully written! @ Farooq your comment 'men will be men', i hope was typed sarcastically. With a few rare exception, Pakistani men are disgusting.
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Rakesh Singh May 14, 2020 09:35am
It is a refreshing take on the South Asian in general and Indo- Pak guys in particular attitude. Good observation and analysis. Keep it up. Rakesh Singh, India
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Shashank May 14, 2020 10:34am
To the journo who wrote this piece- Cheers! your emotional quotient and observation skills on human behavior must be off the charts.
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M Ahmed May 14, 2020 10:36am
Very well articulated. The mental state of my countrymen is deep rooted because of pseudo-Islamic teachings, combined with perennial ignorance and illiteracy.
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Tansah May 14, 2020 10:36am
Brothers, it is wrong for us to follow women (and immodest men) on social media.
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Talal Afridi May 14, 2020 10:49am
Don't portray your country in a bad manner.
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Mukhtar baloch May 14, 2020 10:55am
Amazing observation. Loved it.
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Saz May 14, 2020 11:36am
Pakistan’s public and private television channels choose to present Turkish dramas considering them their religious and cultural heritage whether they do depict religion and its legacy in its real form or they do not. It is interesting they do not give any respect to other drama and film series of other countries like Iran and central Asian states etc even if they had truly presented religious, cultural and ethical legacy and even if their production is extra ordinary great. I feel there are biases. Pakistani public admires ottoman empires as their lost religious legacy with out knowing that ottoman emperors were nothing more than power greedy and tyrant emperors. It is important to get impressed with any nation or ruler based over their justice and their treatment with poor and destitute rather based over wealth what they had collected. Even after centuries an ordinary Muslim is unable to recognize where true greatness and legacy of religion, ethics and culture exists.
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ukasha rajpoot May 14, 2020 12:29pm
Nice to see Pakistanis going after Turkish actors, great Pakistani actors can take a break.
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Sameen May 14, 2020 12:48pm
I’m genuinely tired of this new found crisis, BUT i will commend that this was a good analysis of the gender role and the perfect male fantasy that has shattered so badly. It was a well written article but I do fear that most men won’t agree or ever admit.
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Unaiza May 14, 2020 12:55pm
Good attempt. I hope people will grasp "something" from it ... instead of merely criticizing..
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Unaiza May 14, 2020 01:04pm
Exactly... getting bored.
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Sachin May 14, 2020 01:23pm
@ZAK cultural ?? different as chalk and cheese ...
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Cris Dan May 14, 2020 02:36pm
Yes.
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MI May 14, 2020 02:59pm
@Sarah As a man of Pakistani heritage living in the West, it pains me to say this but I couldn’t agree more with you. Sadly even as a third generation of immigrants the Pakistani man still hasn’t let go of these habits.
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AT May 14, 2020 03:20pm
Hahaha. A very honest article....
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Naim May 14, 2020 05:03pm
Some Pakistani men especially the illiterates who manage to get visas for entry to western countries,are very fascinated with mames (white women),life time goal of experiencing white woman.
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Sarah May 14, 2020 06:40pm
Bang on! Every word is solid gold in this article! Thank you for unpacking the clash of misogynies so beautifully and accurately in this article!
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SHASHI NANDA May 14, 2020 08:52pm
This is not true just for Pakistan but for all people with backward thinking and that includes women too,by the way article is well written it was interesting to read it.
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Arijit Das May 14, 2020 08:52pm
A very interesting insight into the nature of misogyny under the garb of religiosity and how that fabric has been rent by a disruptive concept of feminity, completely alien and unfathomable to 'honorable' men. Excellent piece, madam. Like it very much. Respect and admiration
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ivehadit May 15, 2020 12:20am
hopefully the men you talk about will learn tolerance, respect, and female identity separate from their own. Lets hope it spawns a host of new plays in Pakistan showcasing a woman's right to be her own person.
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Zeerak May 15, 2020 01:53am
Being a pakistani men almost agree with anum faisal article which depicts the pluralistic cultural hotchpotch about women of east and west with the blend of religion.
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Sarah May 15, 2020 03:46am
At least you admit it most pakistani men wouldn't even admit their own short comings no matter what. I agree as someone who is 3rd generation brit of pakistan heritage our men's behaviour isn't much different than most men in pakistan. Why? In my humble opinion it boils down to upbringing, most people hate having female children and treat their sons and daughters differently if parents were equally as strict with their sons as they are with their daughters not only would our men grow up to be well behaved but majority of our social issues would cease to exist.
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Hassan Cheema May 15, 2020 04:39am
Thoroughly agreeable and extremely enjoyable article! Although the commenting on Bilgic's Instagram- part is blown out of proportion, the resulting analysis is completely on point about the Pakistani male and his confusions. But can we also feel sympathetic and discuss the factors and pressures that got us here? Are there any qualities in Pakistani men too, that might offset such behaviors and misogyny? is it all lost?
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Alia May 15, 2020 04:56am
Utterly ridiculous! Uff!!! Men!!!! Guys just concentrate on the historical characters they r portraying!! We have no right to pry into the private lives of the actors. Leave poor Esra alone. I'm sure she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside...
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SK May 15, 2020 04:56am
Can't wait to see Humsafar dubbed into Turkish
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Sami May 15, 2020 08:10am
We used to be a more tolerant society. I knew we were taking going backwards when I was repeatedly corrected for saying, Khuda Hafiz, something I had learnt and said all along as a child.
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Rimsha May 15, 2020 09:22am
Enjoyed the Read Thoroughly ... !!
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Raja May 15, 2020 12:36pm
Pakistani men are different breed. We have so much rich history in our land. We are the original people of Indus Valley civilization we were the richest people in Asia. we were the first original Indians the original people of Sindhu aka Indus. Yet we glorify history and invasions of other empires into our land. We glorify Arab invasion, we glorify Mughal invasion, we glorify afghan invasion, we glorify ottoman invasion. They butchered our ancestors and we glorify them. This has nothing to do with religions but the brutality of invaders.
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Rama mohan rAo May 15, 2020 05:15pm
The article is wonderfully balanced. I feel comforted at heart that not withstanding the crazy world around, there are persons here to induce sanity.
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Anonymous May 16, 2020 05:51am
Okay but where were you when Pakistani women were going crazy over Behlol from Ishq a Mamnoo?
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Sabrina May 16, 2020 04:24pm
Yes you are right. I ve seen many Pakistani men hanging out e.g. with British girls etc. But when it came to marriage it had to be a Muslim virgin!!! I myself have lived as a single woman for 25 years in Muslim countries and although I m really not good lucking I was constantly harassed by these men. They all thought because I was single, I was available.
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Laila May 16, 2020 07:46pm
We don't just glorify all these foreign empires, but we also like to aim them as our own, whilst denying our connection to the subcontinent and whatever the area combining Pakistan Bangladesh and India was known as going back in his ory and ancient times. Its positively mind boggling.
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Yawar May 18, 2020 08:46am
We like goras. Especially if they are Muslim.
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Eileen Le Roch May 18, 2020 10:23am
What a profoundly sensitive, yet daring commentary and insight into the forbidden that pulls men, while the need to control, that which engenders it. It has been a long time in this politically correct world, since I have read so transparently honest an assessment of the underlying roots of misogyny, and I salute you for your daring, as I am sure you know, you will have to deal with its subsequent backlash. But it is the kind of statement that must be put forward many times over, if there is to be change for the better in the long run. Thank you so very much, for taking this on yourself.
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Baber May 19, 2020 05:05pm
Generalization is not good, there are good and bad people in every society, you only got a tunnel vision like a toad in a well and can't see beyond it.
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deccan.hyderabadi May 19, 2020 06:24pm
An amazing and very well written article. I watched all of this tv show way way before in Turkish and all that's happening is so amusing to watch. Can't wait for the third season to come and people to start following aslihan's instagram page and do the same. I'm an Indian, hindu and still enjoyed the show. I feel the urdu version has been deliberately made a little more religious but I have only seen a few scenes here and there and might not reflect the true picture.
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Hina Rafique May 19, 2020 08:06pm
beautifully written!!!
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