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Irrfan Khan opens up about his painful battle with cancer

Irrfan Khan opens up about his painful battle with cancer

The Indian actor was diagnosed with a neuroendocrine tumour in March this year
19 Jun, 2018

Irrfan Khan's fans were shocked when they learned that the Indian actor is suffering from neuroendocrine cancer, a rare form of the disease.

When the Blackmail actor shared the news in March, he said he'll update his fans about his health. As promised, the actor penned a note for Times of India, in which he talked at length about his battle with cancer.

He described his treatment as "a trial-and-error game":

"It’s been quite some time now since I have been diagnosed with a high-grade neuroendocrine cancer. This new name in my vocabulary, I got to know, was rare, and due to fewer study cases, and less information comparatively, the unpredictability of the treatment was more. I was part of a trial-and-error game."

He shared that his illness has caused him a lot of pain:

"In this chaos, shocked, afraid and in panic, while on one of the terrifying hospital visits, I blabber to my son, “The only thing I expect from ME is not to face this crisis in this present state. I desperately need my feet. Fear and panic should not overrule me and make me miserable.”

That was my INTENTION. AND THEN PAIN HIT. As if all this while, you were just getting to know pain, and now you know his nature and his intensity. Nothing was working; NO consolation, no motivation. The entire cosmos becomes one at that moment – just PAIN, and pain felt more enormous than GOD."

He also talked about how he managed to find peace in this traumatic time:

"As I was entering the hospital, drained, exhausted, listless, I hardly realised my hospital was on the opposite side of Lord’s, the stadium. The Mecca of my childhood dream. Amidst the pain, I saw a poster of a smiling Vivian Richards. Nothing happened, as if that world didn’t ever belong to me.

This hospital also had a coma ward right above me. Once, while standing on the balcony of my hospital room, the peculiarity jolted me. Between the game of life and the game of death, there is just a road. On one side, a hospital, on the other, a stadium. As if one isn’t part of anything which might claim certainty – neither the hospital, nor the stadium. That hit me hard.

I was left with this immense effect of the enormous power and intelligence of the cosmos. The peculiarity of MY hospital’s location – it HIT me. The only thing certain was the uncertainty. All I could do was to realise my strength and play my game better.

This realisation made me submit, surrender and trust, irrespective of the outcome, irrespective of where this takes me, eight months from now, or four months from now, or two years. The concerns took a back seat and started to fade and kind of went out of my mindspace.

For the first time, I felt what 'freedom' truly means. It felt like an accomplishment. As if I was tasting life for the first time, the magical side of it. My confidence in the intelligence of the cosmos became absolute. I feel as if it has entered every cell of mine.

Time will tell if it stays, but that is how I feel as of now."


Read his full letter here.

Comments

sana Jun 19, 2018 12:49pm
get well soon . There is a lesson in everything .
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M. Saeed Jun 19, 2018 01:09pm
Pain of a public hero is equally shared and experienced in feelings by his hero-worshipers. All pray in their feelings to get their hero well and kicking in their life again. That is how the neurological force of natural healing .works. Get well soon dear Irrfan, we all feel and pray
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nazar naqvi Jun 19, 2018 01:18pm
Mr. Irfan is a wonderful person and great actor. His writing about illness has touched the heart. I believe he will be fine soon and will overcome this pain with his bravery and positive attitude. Best wishes for quick recovery.
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soomro Jun 19, 2018 01:20pm
we have long way to go and the body we inhabit is temporary.... wishing you every good thing’ always
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LILLY Jun 19, 2018 01:21pm
You will make a comeback like Yuvraj Singh brother. Stay strong for that is needed to defeat this disease.
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Babu Jun 19, 2018 02:27pm
Get well soon.
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krishankant Jun 19, 2018 02:57pm
We can only pray for his faster recovery. Strong willingness to survive - you will definitely come back.
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MUKUL Jun 19, 2018 03:04pm
Irfan get well soon. you are a fabulous actor and have contributed so much to Indian Film Industry keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
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Kamran Jun 19, 2018 05:46pm
wish for a quick recovery and get well soon.
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S.AHMAD Jun 19, 2018 06:34pm
Very touching words from a talented artist. All one can do is to pray for the miracle of his early recovery!
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Zahid Sharfi Jun 19, 2018 07:31pm
Good to hear you brave the ordeal. Get well soon, young man. Everybody wishes you well and love you. Thanks for everything.
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Pakman Jun 19, 2018 08:03pm
Embrace the outcome with open arms, thats freedom. Prayers go out to you.
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syed wasim haider Jun 19, 2018 09:45pm
We in Pakistan all pray for your complete and quick recovery.Keep your moral high;Inshallah u will overcome this disease.Ameen
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Ahsan Gul Jun 19, 2018 10:27pm
Positive attitude and confidence in our creator is the key to fight any calamity or disaster. We all some time forget that time is passing by and each new day brings us close to our end. Should we feel sorrow or depressed? Ask a destitute person who has barely enough to eat and he will surely tell that seldom think about death. Bottom line, stay optimistic but keep in mind that “all living things in this world will return to its creator”. Hopefully, keeping in mind the absolute truth usually gives solace. Sincerely
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Lulu bello Jun 20, 2018 06:59am
Get well soon Irrfan bahi. My prayers are with you for speedy recovery.
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Lulu bello Jun 20, 2018 07:00am
My prayers for speedy recovery. Stay blessed.
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Logic Jun 20, 2018 07:26pm
Get well as you are a true gent
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