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Why is laundry only a mother's job?

Why is laundry only a mother's job?

As a thoughtful TVC addresses rigid gender roles we take a look at whether Pakistan's take on this is evolving too
Updated 23 Feb, 2016

A detergent brand is shedding light on an issue that has plagued families for as long as we can remember: rigid gender roles. Now, this short video makes you wonder why women have become inherently associated with house chores.

The thought-provoking TVC shows a father's heartwarming apology to his super woman daughter, who not only works but also takes care of her family and a million other things around the house, things that husbands almost never offer to do.

"I'm so proud and I'm so sorry. Sorry that you have to do everything alone, that I didn't point out to you when you would play house as a young girl that it wasn't only your job to do errands but also your husband's butI didn't know how to apologize since I never helped out your mother either. You learnt what you saw and for that, I am sorry."

Being a wife and a mom is no job but it's work, a lot of work. And if women started getting paid for everything they do around the household, they'd be making some serious bank.

And why would the men help? Most have grown up watching their fathers sit back and watch television while their mothers have been slaving away in the kitchen, some even after a long day at work, without complaining.

In this clip the dad does his little part when he goes home from his daughter's house: he unpacks and goes to do his own laundry, much to his wife's confusion. The look of sheer shock on her face, how she obviously thought it was the most absurd thing ever should speak for itself.

Or maybe she was just freaking out that he wouldn't separate the colours from whites. Probably not though.

The gender roles we've perpetuated have become the norm and haven't evolved with the times.That needs to be changed in real life as well translated onto television screens.

While the execution would have been been better had the father got up to help his daughter, thus setting an example for the son-in-law, the bigger picture is what we should focus on. What they did get right was there was no finger-pointing and the approach was nuanced.

We know the tea trolley-pushing woman is an outdated character; just the fact that this ad shows a woman coming home from work is a step in the right direction, like in the Tapal ad in which Fawad Khan made his overworked wife a hot cup of tea.

Of course we're seing more career-driven women, like Saba Qamar's role in Digest Writer, as well as Sonya Jehan's in Ho Mann Jahaan. However, it's limited and going to take more positive representation in the media to really drive the point home.

Comments

Asim Feb 22, 2016 05:06pm
Amazing .. beautiful!
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Khalid Feb 22, 2016 05:13pm
Pakistani men washing their own dirty clothes?. No way!!. Show me one mother that teaches her son(s) how to wash clothes. Pakistani men are brought up to rule over their mothers, sisters, wife and daughters. Let us admit it, no man ever washes their dirty clothes irrespective of what stage of life they are going through. Not only that, it is beneath Pakistani men to iron their clothes as well.
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naveed Feb 22, 2016 05:24pm
@Khalid it appears that you are trying to be sarcastic. Men do all this but in families women generally take the complimentary roles. and you are no one to tell them not to do so against their wish
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Hamid Sheikh Feb 22, 2016 05:28pm
Folks, As far I remembered, I did iron my cloths in my whole life span. I can hardly remember if my sister or wife did twice or thrice. Beside that I lived in Toronto with wife and three kids for 15 years. Guess what, one of my chores were to laundry on Friday night for family....for sure spending hours on laundry was not a good idea. Once my mother told me Hamid, you are different man and I cannot compare with any Pak man.. :)
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Haider Feb 22, 2016 05:42pm
@Khalid Speak for yourself, not for all Pakistani men. I've washed my own clothes, and my father still washes his own clothes. Sometimes I cook for my wife, and sometimes my wife cooks for me. The same is true for my friends. The description of Pakistanis that you give might be true for those that you associate with. It's funny how some people love to generalize and stereotype about everybody else.
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Jawad Feb 22, 2016 05:43pm
Very well said... Men have to stand up for this. We should consider the same set of liberties for our wives (even housewives) as we think for ourselves. We are 4 brothers and I remember that when my mom got sick, me and my dad use to wash clothes, while I was the one who was to iron them. Even now, when I have 2 sons and my wife is expecting, I iron my son's uniform... So exceptions do exist and I think that we should just treat our wives with Equality - in all matters
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am911 Feb 22, 2016 05:49pm
Although, this stands true for majority but on other hand there are many examples where Pakistani men help out in household work and in some cases do more than women. I know many men who are living in remote cities/countries for jobs and they do laundry, cooking, cleaning along with 9 to 9 jobs and their families (wife/kids/parents) at home enjoy good living standards. It will not hurt to mention such cases while writing such articles.
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am911 Feb 22, 2016 05:52pm
Moreover, It does not sound as unfair if you consider the fact that men in Pakistani society carry the financial burden of whole family as opposed to western societies where women also support financially. So it works both ways and if you see it in whole it evens itself out at the end.
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Ashu Kumar Feb 22, 2016 06:33pm
I am a single, working mother. Both my son and my daughter have been raised to do all their work themselves. Be it washing, ironing, polishing shoes or knowing how to cook (enough to feed themselves in case of emergency). The changing times demand a changed mindset. And it has to be inculcated from the beginning. I see almost all the men around me doing the same- helping out their wives. A nice, positive change which should be encouraged.
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Truth Feb 22, 2016 06:43pm
Now a days pretty much all chores are done by domestic help !
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AG Feb 22, 2016 07:01pm
Well said, honestly I don't know how to operate WM but agreed we men should do it as well
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Bonapati Feb 22, 2016 07:19pm
@Khalid you don't need tell your house story and implicating on the whole nation sorry to say I myself and I know many families where men wash their clothes whenever its necessary that's including iron the clothes It's all about how educated you are and your upbringing.
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Ahmed Feb 22, 2016 07:21pm
@Khalid i dont no about u but things are totaly diff on my side. There are men who are taught to do all this right from childhood.
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Khalid Feb 22, 2016 07:21pm
@Haider I guess you believe my message was addressed to you. If you wash your own clothes, you should have ignored it. My comment was based on what I see around me. Just to clarify, having lived in Europe for over 20 years, I can safely say that most European men, would secretly admit to never washing their own clothes.
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Bonapati Feb 22, 2016 07:22pm
This add is only about those families of India and Pakistan where women consider to be either a servant or slave. This add doesn't represent the vast majority of India and Pakistan where families are educated and know what needs to be done despite of what gender you are.
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KN Feb 22, 2016 07:25pm
It is shameful when we expect that Women have to spend their whole day running working outside home and also come home and cook and clean. Any self respecting man should share the household work with his wife
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N_Saq Feb 22, 2016 07:45pm
A thought provoking article for all men specially in SE Asia and around the world. It makes you look back at yourself and make you think yeah why? Why man doesn't help, when he is fully capable off?
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Yaar Nawab Feb 22, 2016 08:00pm
@Khalid come on man, my mother appreciated when I helped hr and now I help my wife in all household tasks !!! Oh and I am a Pakistani too !!!
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Ghazala Feb 22, 2016 08:47pm
I am lucky in a sense that my husband always washed his own clothes and taught our children at young age to wash their own clothes.
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MA Feb 22, 2016 09:22pm
@am911 Definitely this happens
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berni Feb 22, 2016 09:31pm
Once our elder sister had enough and complained to father. He then distributed workload among us.
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khuri Feb 22, 2016 09:35pm
If we compare to eastern culture, we have divided the roles in families, men earn money and women concentrate on house chores and family take care and upbringing. It does not mean that women are doing low grade things, they are doing equally important things in balancing the family lever and this is the result that still we have better family networking, values and beliefs, though we are moving towards western culture quickly and blindly.
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Cyrus Feb 22, 2016 10:47pm
Why is repairing the car, fixing the roof, cutting the grass and making electrical and plumbing repairs the man's job?
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khuri Feb 22, 2016 11:03pm
Now western products have got wiser also and they are trying to impose western cultures on eastern culture through emotional black mailing. If we start following it blindly, we will end up in no mans land. In west, they have made females a commercial commodity by dragging them in each and every ad and promotion and forcing them to work even if they don't want to. As western women work like men, they house chores are normally equally shared by both also. But the results of this are known to us, they don't have any family network, family values, and beliefs and in their vision, money is the only important thing in life.
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khuri Feb 22, 2016 11:03pm
If we compare to eastern culture, we have divided the roles in families, men earn money and women concentrate on house chores and family take care and upbringing. It does not mean that women are doing low grade things, they are doing equally important things in balancing the family lever and this is the result that still we have better family networking, values and beliefs, though we are moving towards western culture quickly and blindly.
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naeem sajjad Feb 22, 2016 11:19pm
Theses and many other topics regarding women's rights are raised by media.Similar things were done by the west on the pretext of women's rights to take them out of homes,wear immodest clothes etc and the consequences are vivid to everyone.As far as chores are concerned,there is no harm if a man lends a hand in it but actually men are supposed to perform outdoor activities while women indoor.This is a beautiful division of task.But if someone wanna create fuss and disruption only to sell his detergent,its on readers to perceive the way they want,i dont recommend anything.
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Amit Feb 22, 2016 11:24pm
When the women start working outside, men should start working inside. It is expected from a housewife to do housework thats why she is called house-wife. In families where the couple is working then the house work should be divided too.
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a Feb 23, 2016 12:45am
I stayed alone away from my home town for 6 long years and I did my own laundry and cooking. Even housekeeping. I m back to living with my parents now, and the annoying thing is my homemaker mom doesn't allow me to be independent. Living away from parents in my own hometown isn't an option. Will you blame me for a lack of confidence in handling my own home stuff that has engulfed me ? I m sorry if I m sounding anti theme here, but moms of the previous generation feel threatened for some reason if the son becomes totally independent. Their insecurities are rally scary. I m sure many boys will agree with me
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talha Feb 23, 2016 12:48am
All my life I saw my dad spending day and night working his health off just to make sure that his wife and my mother doesn't have to go out in the harsh world and that we get education and food and everything else that we desire... and yes after the whole days work he would want to come back and feel comfortable and even lean back in his seat to watch TV, only to go out work again the next morning, sometimes before any of of us were even awake. Our house, our degrees, our marriages... everything was his responsibility, don't mock the hardworking and protective father of pakistan by making the protected mom seem victim.
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jameel Feb 23, 2016 01:47am
@Khalid . My Mother brought me up just like you described. I still wash and iron my own clothes whenever I have time. My wife was surprised to see me doing it first time. I do it to give a break to ladies.
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PakistanFirst Feb 23, 2016 02:29am
Why is earning money only a father's job?
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A Feb 23, 2016 02:57am
@Khalid : My mom trained both me and my brother to do everything on our own and I wash my own clothes (80% of the time) even after having 3 kids and 8 years of being married. Times have changed and it's not just about 'Pakistani Culture', it's also about how parents raise their kids. If someone's parents didn't teach their boys how to do house work or teach their adult daughters how to do things outside the house (dealing with banks, driving a car etc etc) then it's the parents fault, pure and simple.
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Parvez Feb 23, 2016 03:23am
In our home, it has never been women's job only as I have always done laundry alone or with my wife helping me.
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Vic Feb 23, 2016 03:27am
For me---it is the mixing of colors with whites---my wife won't let me have it---so I let her do it---even though I can handle it---. Cooking as well----I always tell my wife---any day you don't want to cook---please let me know in advance---I can do it---. And yes---my wife is mexican and she makes better Biryani, Pulao and Chicken tikka masala than most pakistan house wives. I taught her how to cook desi.
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Aisha Feb 23, 2016 05:09am
Whats wrong with the current system. I like doing my husbands entire attire from undies to tie. If I didnt no one could make me.
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brighton rodeo Feb 23, 2016 06:04am
I do not agree with the comments of the writer of this article. Since my college days till to day I am doing my own chores. I got married with a woman who did not know how to cook. Since 1975 we migrated to USA with two daughters and two sons . Both sons do their own things in their houses. Do not feel ashamed in washing ,cleaning and cooking. I am 76 years old and doing all chores in my house. Both my daughters donot know how to make good dishes but husbands intervene. All kinds of mine post graduated in American Schools and holding exempt jobs in USA. It is a matter of how you bring up your family. One of my son in law is Italian America. He is good in Italian cooking. All people are different though they live in the same country.
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illawarrior Feb 23, 2016 07:16am
@AG Washing machines are VERY easy to operate - I suggest you learn - it will only take 5 minutes of your time to read the user manual
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illawarrior Feb 23, 2016 07:22am
Admittedly, I am not Pakistani, but I taught my son all the basic living skills, including cooking, cleaning, food hygiene, laundry/ironing, how to sew on a button etc. It has served him well over the years., especially whilst living alone.
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Salman Feb 23, 2016 11:26am
Very thought provoking. A lesson to be learnt by us all.
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wasim Feb 23, 2016 11:52am
those sagging arms
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Yousuf Feb 23, 2016 07:28pm
@am911 I totally agree with you.
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Yousuf Feb 23, 2016 07:33pm
@Bonapati Slaves..Ridiculous!! In India and Pakistan, men are also considered to be only bread earners doing extra miles to earn money for their wife and children unlike in West where women are also considered bread earners.
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HUMA Feb 24, 2016 12:00pm
THANK YOU MEDIA- THANK YOU THANK YOU!
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M Khalil Sufi Feb 24, 2016 09:02pm
Traditionally a housewife looked after the family and home. A mother groomed the daughter for getting married and the son to provide for the finance. Until recently domestic aid was available for all the work around the house- cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, driver etc. With industrialization, life style has changed with automatic washing machine, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner ,electric kettle, grinder, juice maker. oven, micro-oven, day care center etc. The problem is neither a man or a woman is willing to adjust to the the change. In the present day it is not who does what. Husband and wife should be taught to share and tuned in to the changing socio-economic conditions. A woman and man are human beings first and have his/her area of responsibility.
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