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Pregnancy in Pakistan: What not to say to expecting parents

Pregnancy in Pakistan: What not to say to expecting parents

Before our first child was born we received a lot of unsolicited advice. Here's a look at the more outlandish statements
05 Jan, 2016

Until I tied the knot, the question I heard most frequently from every other auntie, uncle, elder cousin, random relative I hadn’t met since I stopped pooping in diapers, gardener, and even a domestic staffer was, “When are you getting married?”

Every unmarried Pakistani has felt unreasonable pressure to explain why they haven’t been pinned down. At a time when more of us wish to be masters of our own destiny, settling down with just about anyone is a less desirable idea than being alone yet content.

When I hit my 30s, I had decided I was to remain single forever. Better to happily dance alone than do angry kabadi all day long, right?

That’s when I met her: the missing piece of the puzzle that fit. After some time, we became husband and wife.

“There is a pleasant side effect to this,” I mused. “The personal inquiries at family events will end.”

Yes, the marriage question was dead. But rising from its ashes like a noisy phoenix was another query: “When are you having children?”

Now, at lunches, dinners, parties, and weddings, I was asked when I would be having a child, which, to me, is just as rude as coming out and asking, "Hey, when are you going to successfully inseminate your spouse?"

As with the marriage inquiry, some genuinely couldn’t accept that we had decided to wait until we were ready. But anyway, after a few years we were blessed with a little bun in the oven. Not surprisingly, as soon as my wife began to show, we started to receive a torrent of unsolicited advice on the pregnancy from people we knew as well as random strangers.

The following is a collection of the sentences either we, or pregnant couples we know, have heard. Sound familiar?

1) The bad wrap: “When your baby is born, make sure you wrap the child up tightly… shuru say! Warna your child’s arms and legs will not extend in length!

There are so many silly things about this one. Yes, swaddling correctly can help some newborns find comfort and security, but it has nothing to do with the growth of the child’s arms. What if you did it really well? Would he grow up to be Mr. Fantastic?

If you do this well (L)... you'll end up with THIS (R). Makes sense.
If you do this well (L)... you'll end up with THIS (R). Makes sense.

2) The 40 day rule: “Don’t keep your newborn’s clothes beyond forty days. It is bad luck and dangerous. Give them away or bury them. Just don’t have them in your possession.”

This sounds like an old-wives tale created to counter kanjoos (stingy) husbands unwilling to buy their baby bigger clothes. For the purpose it serves, I like it.

3) The curfew: “Stay at home for 40 days after the baby is born. Don’t leave for anything or something bad will happen. While pregnant don’t leave the house at sunset time or you will be cursed.”

While it is commendable to look after a new mother, it isn’t a good idea to smother her. Also, ghosts aren’t on the prowl at sunset. Just ask these ladies.

We clearly need to get some ghostbusters on board.
We clearly need to get some ghostbusters on board.

4) Speaking of ghosts: “The evil spirits come down at sunset. If you are pregnant or sleeping with your newborn then make sure you switch on one light at least.”

Perhaps you should switch on the light in your head as well?

5) Bloody hell: “While I have no evidence of this, I know jinns are attracted to menstruating women. That’s why during her recovery period a new mother has to be careful as she is bleeding.”

I am sorry, but the idea that these supernatural creatures have a fetish and are drawn towards bleeding women is ridiculous. To me, it is just another form of period shaming.

Also, I wonder how the jinn community feels about this rumor.

6) Shield the baby: “The baby is also susceptible to black magic during the first 40 days. Evil spirits can’t wait to harm or possess newborn babies. This is why you should cover them from all eyes. Please lock all doors at sunset to keep the foul creatures away. Cover your newborn with a kapra.”

So let’s get this straight. An evil spirit comes down from the skies… travelling through the clouds, unhindered by the walls of a building… drawn towards your baby…. And is ultimately stopped by a thin piece of cloth?

7) The mark of the devil: “My nails aren’t particularly long and one day after giving birth I woke up with five scratch marks on my neck. I am scared that I have been marked by evil. Don’t underestimate the power of the devil.”

You should probably feed your cat.

8) Total eclipse of common sense: “Pregnant ladies and new mothers have to be careful during a lunar eclipse. Anything can happen. Just lie in your room and keep away from all light outside of the house. Someone I know was cutting with scissors while she was pregnant during a lunar eclipse, and when her baby was born, she had a cut on the ear like it had been cut with those same scissors!”

Let’s just call it a loony eclipse.

9) Boy or girl? “If you have a sweet tooth during your pregnancy, you are going to have a boy. Nausea means it is a girl.” Also, “If your fetus has a faster heartbeat it will be a girl.” One of my favourites was: “If you look worn and ugly during pregnancy, you are going to have a girl because she has taken away your beauty, but if you look OK, then it is a boy.”

So, essentially, all the negative signs mean it will be a girl and all the positive symbols point to a boy… sounds quite sexist.

So if you crave sweets during your pregnancy it's because you're expecting a girl. Baby boys only eat steak in the womb?
So if you crave sweets during your pregnancy it's because you're expecting a girl. Baby boys only eat steak in the womb?

10) Can’t touch this: “Someone pinched my baby on the cheek and he has the mark to this day!”

Had I been the father I would have pinched them back… with a monkey wrench.

11) Consult a professional: “If a pregnant woman wants to know the gender of her child she should go to a newborn or a toddler. They can tell if it is a boy or girl.”

Yes, forget the ultrasound. Consult other babies. They were just in there!

12) Everyone is a dietician: “How come your baby is so thin? Bohot kamzor hai (He’s very weak.)”

Because yeh insaan ka bacha hay. Gainday ka nahi. (Because he is a human baby… not a hippo’s young.)

13) The competitors: “My baby already has her teeth and is beginning to crawl and turn. How come yours isn’t?”

Your child was born a year ago. Mine was born yesterday. Also, it seems like you were born yesterday.

14) Hairy situation: “My mother in law told me that when my baby starts talking my hair will begin falling. I am so scared.”

Let’s not split ends over this.

15) Grease it up: “Have as much ghee and butter as you can in your final month. It will make the baby easier to pass through when your water breaks.”

That’s not how biology works. Anything you consume is digested and absorbed by your system while the waste is passed as feces. It doesn’t take a detour towards the birth canal. This is labor, not a water park ride.

16) Students of Aladdin: “Oh you are pregnant! Can I rub your belly?”

No. No you cannot.

Note to all you belly-rubbers: this is not how pregnancy works.
Note to all you belly-rubbers: this is not how pregnancy works.

17) Big observer: “You look so huge! Are you having twins?”

B**** I ain’t even pregnant! Also, I am a man.

18) The naysayer: “You are way too old to have gotten pregnant. It may result in complications.”

Right now, you’re the complication.

19) The completionist: “Congratulations on just giving birth! Now quickly have another one.”

Yes, as soon as you lend us your womb.

20) Unfair bias: “I heard drinking or eating these specific things during my pregnancy will make my baby gora.”

There is no end to the sad advice you hear about improving the chances of your baby being born with fair skin.

First of all, babies of all skin colors are beautiful (except green — if you have a green baby, consult a doctor). Besides, it is determined solely by genetics. No, the pigmentation of your food will not affect the pigmentation of your unborn child.

Secondly, while there is all sort of advice to ensure your baby is fair-skinned, there is nothing about making sure your baby will be born with an intelligent mind, a kind heart, or strong character.

Comments

rajeev Jan 05, 2016 04:07pm
Hilarious. It is not different in India. :)
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Waqas Ahmed Jan 05, 2016 04:08pm
Most of these myths actually exits and comfortably shifted from one generation to second. Few of the questions quiet annoying for everyone but we are living in a society where everyone does claim that i am only asking so i can pray for you.
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Mangal Jan 05, 2016 04:12pm
A good read, thanks :).
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Faisal Jan 05, 2016 04:31pm
Enjoyed...
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Irfan Jan 05, 2016 04:34pm
Ending is superb...
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Lost Jan 05, 2016 04:39pm
btw, Hippo is not gainda, rhino is .... hippo is daryayee bhainsa, if it makes you feel better :P
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mariam Jan 05, 2016 04:44pm
you didn't mention that craving of sour foods means you'll be definitely bless with muna! (lol)
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Yousuf Shah Khagga Jan 05, 2016 04:46pm
Hmmm A good piece of writing All myths are present but I think some of these are actually true. And as we talk about Pakistan here a lot of society restrictions and also we are living more social life than west that's why we got a lot of pieces of information and advice.
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usman Jan 05, 2016 04:57pm
This actually made me chuckle a few times.
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Raheel Jan 05, 2016 04:59pm
Dude you just rocked it.....I have experienced almost half of these myths recently and seriously that "Ghee Thing" does not make any sense at all. *Thumbs up* *Cheers* Regards Father of 6 month old baby :)
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A. A. Jan 05, 2016 05:03pm
Except for a couple of points, I hardly faced the rest of the comments that you faced. Time to change your family and friends (and nokurs) dude!
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Kamranmansur Jan 05, 2016 05:04pm
Really enjoyed ...
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Rohit Jan 05, 2016 05:21pm
gainday is actually a Rhinoceros and not a hippo. :D
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Ahmer Jan 05, 2016 05:24pm
Hallarious ...top notch
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muhammad shehwar Jan 05, 2016 05:26pm
Truly said and picked up the statements, but the myths that surround lunar eclipse seems real. I don't know why but if someone has gone through it they believe that happens and 40 days jinn myth I have been hearing it, may be we all become overprotective of the blessing. :)
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Ali Jan 05, 2016 05:32pm
Nice piece of art and keen observation, really depicts old myths passing through generations and generations.
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Drdk Jan 05, 2016 06:02pm
Love from india..i enjoyed reading the article..i think this newspaper writes some high quality stuff.
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M. Siddique Jan 05, 2016 06:03pm
Hilarious, the story of intake of food is common to adults. I was told drink tea with lots of milk and you will have fair skin. I am still brown despite consuming lot of milk. Haha.
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Asad Saleem Jan 05, 2016 06:16pm
This is so true! Although i'm not married yet lol. But your points clearly depicting as i'm living in joined family. I listened many Aunties advising to my cousin when she was pregnant. Do not eat this. Don't do that. Even don't watch your face in mirror. After baby born, Don't step out your foot from house until 40 days(Chila jisay kehtay hain). Isalm live in hearts and believe in Allah also in hearts. These myths are so ridiculous!
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Farhan Jan 05, 2016 06:16pm
Absolutely hilarious! You just made my morning. =)
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Moss Jan 05, 2016 06:18pm
Would love to know which one you think are true?
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masroor ahmed khan Jan 05, 2016 06:58pm
good read, need further research work.
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Aftab Jan 05, 2016 06:59pm
Enjoyed Especially No. 12 Because yeh insaan ka bacha hay. Gainday ka nahi. haha
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ilyas Jan 05, 2016 07:10pm
If you look worn and ugly during pregnancy, you are going to have a girl because she has taken away your beauty, but if you look OK, then it is a boy. its true but other way round. The reason is that mother's estrogen and that of baby girl combined makes you look more attractive.
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Muiz Jan 05, 2016 07:18pm
I enjoyed reading your blog but I have never heard anything like that, It will be interesting to witness real life people who do that.
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kallan Jan 05, 2016 07:43pm
good laugh! A mix of religion, superstitions and old folks talk
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Hamid Shafiq Jan 05, 2016 07:45pm
Yes it's similar happen with me
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Paz Jan 05, 2016 07:56pm
Really enjoyed that one! The lunar and solar eclipse one are just loony and a total eclipse of common sense as you said! Had not heard many of the superstitions but clearly all nazar and jadoo is reserved for desi bachas though the whole world is procreating! Well done Noman :-)
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Vijay (Toronto) Jan 05, 2016 08:51pm
Hilarious! Really enjoyed it. Growing up in India, one refrain I heard constantly was that a new mother and baby should not go out for 40 days. Kind of makes sense. You want the child to develop some immunity to bugs before venturing out. Here in North America I see mothers ferrying around two day old babies in malls. Harrows my heart; specially in winter when the temp outside is minus 15.
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Sana Jan 05, 2016 08:54pm
Dude these ones are still tolerable. An Aunty adviced me to get my baby girl waxed because she was too hairy. :@
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Rishabh Jan 05, 2016 09:02pm
Some of the points are really funny.
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zahidali219 Jan 05, 2016 09:39pm
It will help me a lot in near future...........
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jamatics Jan 05, 2016 10:12pm
Good one !!! The issue where every elder think they know better than parents ...... I really enjoy it ...
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Vish Jan 05, 2016 10:19pm
Simply superb. Also if you have trouble concieving, these same aunties have a lot of interesting remedies to aide conception.
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Mohammad Afsar Jan 05, 2016 10:51pm
Being overlay nosy and the urge to give free advice are some of the cultural characteristics of the Indian subcontinent people. Enjoy them as fun and don't take them seriously
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Noman Ansari Jan 06, 2016 12:18am
@rajeev Yes, since both Indians and Pakistanis drew from the same culture, we have ended up sharing superstitions.
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Noman Ansari Jan 06, 2016 12:18am
@Lost haha thanks for the correction. How embarrassing. I'll check and have it amended.
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Noman Ansari Jan 06, 2016 12:21am
@Sana Yes, basically, aunties are never happy.
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Aa2544 Jan 06, 2016 12:36am
It's very embarrassing to accept them, but most of them still exist on both side of the border. Across the border one very abhorrent thing is they don't allow women to touch anything for 40 days bcz it would become "paleet" unclean. Further up north in Pakistan another funny thing is women drap the kids in cloth and tie them up with a rope coz this ensure when they grow up they will their hands and legs straight (no teera meerra hands and legs) and also this excercise ensure they have good rest. I am the witness of this brutality on my newborn everyday but feel very hapless coz wives of all spectrum always listen more to their mums than their husbads
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Aa2544 Jan 06, 2016 12:37am
The best read in a while
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gp65 Jan 06, 2016 01:06am
Good one Noman.
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independentthinker Jan 06, 2016 01:59am
Cute - with all the advise I got for my two daughters, my response - though rude, is to the point! I answer by asking "Is it any of our business, when my daughters are going to marry? " I live in Western countries, but it appears our people here also have the same nosy approach!
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fareeha Jan 06, 2016 02:15am
A nice humoristic and hilarious article . Although the level of human chorionic gonadotropin which is responsible for early morning sickness would be slightly higher in case of male faetus .
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YAS Jan 06, 2016 02:31am
Nice articulation of myths regarding pregnancy and having baby. well in fact our society is incomplete without these myths. I am pretty much sure we all have gone through at-least some of them.
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Muhammad Zubair Rafi Jan 06, 2016 04:41am
Hilarious article enjoyed reading every bit of it!! You absolutely cracked it up the way people carry superstitious beliefs. It becomes a nightmare for the expecting mothers in those days to have a word of advice from everyone and this literally creates a lot of trauma. I hope these myths vanishes away with the passage of time.
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illawarrior Jan 06, 2016 05:38am
@muhammad shehwar Hearing something doesn't make it true.
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illawarrior Jan 06, 2016 05:38am
@Moss None!!!
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GHORI Jan 06, 2016 07:46am
"It's a labor not water park ride" this was hilarious..... must say a good piece of work for mothers especially.
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GHORI Jan 06, 2016 07:52am
Good
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Masood Bawany Jan 06, 2016 08:25am
Spot on Bruvvvv! I just revisited most of what ive gone through lately
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Neeli Jan 06, 2016 08:30am
I had such a good laugh, what a good read :)
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Dove Jan 06, 2016 09:56am
Haha we went through all this but never cared
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Jamhearts Jan 06, 2016 10:01am
That was an awesome read! Allow me to reiterate some I've heard... "Sleep all you want because when the baby comes you will get no sleep!" "Don't watch supernatural and scary movies when you are pregnant...the baby will get affected!" "Just rest, don't move! don't climb stairs! don't travel!"..... but yes work in the kitchen all you want -_-
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k p rao chennai Jan 06, 2016 10:23am
Wonderful. I too was bombarded with such advices - even from unmarried persons. Somebody should collect all such advices and publish a book. Who knows it may bag Man Booker Prize.
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k p rao chennai Jan 06, 2016 10:26am
Wonderful. I too was bombarded with such advices - even from unmarried persons. Somebody should collect all such wise advices and publish a boo. Who knows it may bag a Man Booker prize.
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Mahmood Jan 06, 2016 10:45am
Most of it is laughable nonsense. No wonder our society doesn't progress, with narrow superstitious mentality as that.
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wake_up Jan 06, 2016 11:16am
Good myth buster but many myths though unscientific in exposition preserve some useful side of our life for example the 40 day rule for clothes would ensure that the rich people give clothes to the poor who would not be able to buy them. Keeping our newborn snug in winter is good practice as out houses lack central heating facility and the newborn have a very fragile body that needs more protection. So what is absolutely rubbish in these myths need to be discarded but what can be useful socially or for health needs to be preserved.
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Qurat-ul-ain Zaidi Jan 06, 2016 11:32am
I'm 25, single and a working girl (a perfectly fine combination for me) and have been going through number of questions about shadi and I wonder if I get married they are also then not going to spare me with silly questions. The thing is we love to violate the privacy of others and regards poking of the nose as an inherent right.
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Asad Jan 06, 2016 11:39am
I got an advice for gora baby and that was to give fresh coconut to your wife :P
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Faiqa Jan 06, 2016 11:41am
Quite comprehensive collection of the mind teasers. I wonder why women take so much interest in discussing every bit of their life from pre-pregnancy from post-pregnancy. They reminiscent about their pregnancies much more. It's disappointing that men don't have something as interesting as this gossip. I would like to add one more " Keep on looking at the beautiful face of your husband for like father - like son baby boy" The toxic people are always available to give advice for free but not for something meaningful.
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No worries Jan 06, 2016 11:48am
A sad depiction of our society where the woman is still blamed today for having a girl. It all depends on the education level of these aunties, cousins etc. I have been lucky to have enlightened aunts and uncles who did no just have 'google' education and who inspire me even today.
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Technokraft Jan 06, 2016 12:06pm
How come everyone even beggars say to you: Allah aap ko chand sa 'beta' de, - why no one ever say Allah aap ko chand si 'beti' de?
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Wiqas Jan 06, 2016 12:12pm
Great piece of work. But do you think this also shows care by others? Specially in our society where we have joint living system.
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Confused Jan 06, 2016 12:20pm
@Rohit Did you read the article for being funny or for being politically correct ?
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Rashid Bajwa Jan 06, 2016 12:25pm
well said...
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Imran Jan 06, 2016 12:39pm
Spot on.
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Chirag Jan 06, 2016 12:52pm
Hilarious ... Fantastic :) Mr. Ansari, you made my day which was otherwise stressful & grumpy till I chanced upon this article. One more to add --> "Are tu to Baap ban gaya" -- as if it is very sorrowful or shocking or any sinful event -- not sure if he is expressing pleasure or grief -- noone knows except him what to make out of it
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Kamran Jan 06, 2016 02:22pm
Excellent
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Dr. Sidra Jan 06, 2016 02:47pm
Thumbs up for putting together such an amusing set. These are only few of a myriad of quite colorful comments and very nosy queries/suggestions that we get to hear...not all of them are myths though. Covering a baby's face with a soft thin cloth will protect against inhaling most allergens and quite a few infective agents...all invisible 'jinns' for a layman. Even 15 is not entirely untrue...fatty food gets deposited in the body tissues to be converted into energy when required e.g during Labour. The more back up energy you have the better your muscles will respond.
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Dr. Simra (Ped.) Jan 06, 2016 03:24pm
@Dr. Sidra Please tell me you aren't a real doctor. 1. You should never cover your child's face with a cloth, especially indoors. This is one of the leading causes of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). It is seriously...seriously... not on. 2. There are are far better, more nutritious, and faster ways to deliver energy than 'ghee' eaten months before delivery. Please post responsibly.
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HQ Jan 06, 2016 03:42pm
This is exactly the kind of topics that this blogger is qualified enough to write on.
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shahid Jan 06, 2016 03:56pm
I never had this kind of experience. I had same situation rather more obvious like I had proper job, I was nearing 30 and after marriage had our first child after 9 years and so and we belong middle-middle class. I thing story is grossly exaggerated but even so..so what?
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Shahbaz Azmi Jan 06, 2016 04:09pm
Hilarious. Loved the comments on each sentence. As father of 5 kids have heard these 20 or maybe a few more five times over. The person giving advice did not pay any heed to the fact that we must have been told what he or she is saying. Another one very frequently heard is let me touch your tummy, I will tell you now whether it's a boy or a girl. From my own experience can say each person who fondled my wife's tummy was wrong, every time very wrong!!
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KARACHI WALA Jan 06, 2016 04:40pm
This tona totka culture of ours is quite hilarious. I enjoyed it including comments section Dr. vs. Dr. Waiting for more.....
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Suresh Jan 06, 2016 07:01pm
Nothing is myth, its true, believe me.. (sic, just kidding).. Good observation, nice narration, Superb article, I heard these all the time in INDIA as well.. # 17 "Are you having twins?”-->B**** I ain’t even pregnant! Also, I am a man." make my day.
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Sajjad Khan Jan 06, 2016 07:04pm
Lol. This happens in our society mainly in South Asia. On a serious not I read an article which educates very deeply on knowing pregnancy which can be read here http://drwomencare.com/when-to-take-a-pregnancy-test-calculator-how-it-is-done-17.html
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shah Jan 06, 2016 09:07pm
one issue which has not been discussed is education on birth control pill. Birth control pill takes few months to reach its maximum potency. Lack of this knowledge result in unwanted pregnanaices.
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Syed Ganga Din Jan 06, 2016 09:08pm
Satirical and funny but truthful. Unfortunately those who practice all this, very few of them will read it. Unsolicited advice is a part of Pakistani culture. Every Pakistani thinks that He/She knows the best.
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Haroona Gul Jan 07, 2016 09:10am
I am from KP, which is considered one of the backward provinces of Pakistan but I have never seen anyone discussing such things here. I found the article quite funny & informative & at the same time I would like to meet these ignorant people, who living in the 21st century, believe in myths.
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nasim Jan 08, 2016 01:39pm
@Haroona Gul, you are kidding or you must be living in a nucleas family in the city. I am from KP too, I assure you there are even many more myths said and practiced in different parts of KP.
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Kamila Nuha Jan 09, 2016 01:40am
I love babies! Just recently had my forth. There are plenty of things you can do to have a child with 'an intelligent mind, a kind heart and a strong character', but that will be covered by religious or spiritual aspects that science tends to reject easily.
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Shazma javaid Jan 10, 2016 02:24pm
Kudos to the writer!!
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Haroona Gul Jan 11, 2016 10:01am
@nasim Well, my family is not into this time-waste, plus perhaps my mother has never asked such silly questions from others so nobody has dared advised my siblings.
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