Can you actually outshine a desi bride?

Is it possible to outshine a desi bride? We think not. But does that mean it’s okay to re-wear your wedding jora, complete with heavy makeup and jewellery at your best friend, brother or sister’s wedding? Nope.

Recently, Kim Kardashian was shamed online for wearing a red ensemble to Anant Ambani and Radhika Merchant’s wedding. Conversations online ranged from the pressure to adhere to the “don’t wear the colour the bride is wearing” policy, versus the argument that the rule doesn’t apply to desis since it’s “not possible to outshine a desi bride,” — unless you’re deliberately trying to.

While we’re quite over the wedding, this was an interesting conversation that we wanted to address. Can you actually upstage a desi bride?

The problem with desi weddings is that some people struggle to understand how much is too much, especially when celebrations are larger than life, spanning days with multiple destinations and a never-ending guest list. The extravagant events give the impression that it’s okay to go overboard while dressing up, which leaves some brides complaining about being “upstaged” by an auntie or sister-in-law.

Unlike traditional desi weddings, there’s also no rule that brides will only wear red anymore, or that guests will not wear a certain colour, as is the case with western weddings where nobody but the bride is allowed to wear white.

Today, we see Indian and Pakistani brides opting for pink, blue, lilac — whatever floats their boat — on their big day. But this freedom to choose from heavily embellished attires to minimal, elegant ones, bold colours to pastel ones, has created confusion about what is appropriate to wear at desi weddings as a guest anymore, especially when you’re not a close family member and utterly unaware of the bride’s wardrobe choices.

There’s also the risk of raising eyebrows for not putting in the extra effort to dress up because certain families love looking over-the-top at weddings and expect you to do the same.

So after a thorough scroll through conversations on X, Reddit, Instagram, and even closed Facebook groups, we have come to a certain understanding about the topic.

First, there have been and will continue to be cases of women re-wearing their wedding clothes to the weddings of their brothers, sisters, or close family members because hey, they paid for it, it was most likely very expensive, and there’s no reason that gorgeous dress should stay hanging in their closet for eternity.

Second, there have been cases of women completing that look with the same jewellery and makeup they wore to their own wedding. We’d say that’s pushing it too far because while that’s still not enough to make anyone look like a bride — a desi bride adds one final touch to her wedding look, a dupatta on the head — but why toe that line unless you’re deliberately trying to provoke someone?

Even if you’re not, that’s what most people will assume, whether or not the bride is okay with you dressing to the nines on her big day.

And as wedding trends continue to evolve with some brides now opting for simpler bridal wear, especially as extravagant weddings take a backseat amid an economic crisis, it’s best to tone down that glam, especially if you’re going to re-wear your bridal dress.

There are many ways to do this — you could pair parts of your jora with a different top or bottom. Let’s say you have a heavily embellished kameez, you can wear that with a simple gharara instead of going for that equally embellished lehenga. In case you wore an elaborate lehenga, it would be best to pair that with a plain choli or kameez that does not spoil the look.

If neither is working out, you could wear the whole thing without donning heavy jewellery and makeup. Maybe skip the heavily-worked dupatta too and opt for a basic net dupatta to tie the look together.

The question of “outshining” the bride at a wedding, while outlandish, is still relevant to desis because everything desi women have been taught about wedding wear contradicts the dos and don’ts of western wedding standards.

There’s also the understanding that a desi bride will do anything and everything to stand out — from wearing stunning headpieces to garlanding herself with gold, diamonds, basically, anything she can get her hands on.

Due to changing trends, not all brides want to go all out with their wedding looks anymore, and we believe they shouldn’t have to just because somebody else will opt for an extravagant look. Even Radhika Ambani wasn’t drenched in all the gold her money could buy on some of her events.

Her bridal look was tasteful despite being extravagant and frankly, minimal by Ambani standards. She wore a custom-made Abu Jani and Sandeep Khosla ensemble in red and white, meant to honour her Gujarati heritage. Her lehenga featured intricate floral motifs adorned with precious stones and sequins.

She completed the look with a six-foot-long veil featuring delicate embroidery. Around her neck was an emerald haar — the same necklace her sister and aunts wore at their weddings.

But let’s say a bride decides to wear a sari with minimal embellishments and top it off with heavy jewellery to make up for the lack of embroidery on her dress, must other women at the event make a conscious effort to look basic? Absolutely not!

We say, do what you want, wear what you like, just make sure it’s tasteful and doesn’t make you look like you’re deliberately imitating the bride because even if you don’t steal her thunder (you can’t, she’s a desi bride), you will get eye rolls for trying to.

And while we didn’t particularly like Kim K’s look — the fact that it was red wasn’t the problem. She looked like she was cosplaying Princess Jasmine and that was weird.