Girrrl, can I have your number so I can wake you up for Fajr? When I asked the Maulana why so many Pakistanis hated Valentine’s Day, he said, “Dekho. It is what I call Maulana’s First Law of V-Day. The degree to which you are involved in a happy relationship is inversely proportional to how much you despise Valentine’s Day. The last thing you need when alone and unhappy is to see pink and red colors thrust in your face everywhere in the city, and chocolates being sold at every corner.”
“Maulana, what other places have you tried to get a date?”
“Well, I was chatting online with this girl called InnocentAngel421 and things were getting hot and heavy. After months she finally showed me her finger nails. When I begged her to show me her face, it wasn’t what I expected. Can you guess who it was?”
When I asked the Maulana why so many Pakistanis hated Valentine’s Day, he said, “Dekho. It is what I call Maulana’s First Law of V-Day. The degree to which you are involved in a happy relationship is inversely proportional to how much you despise Valentine’s Day.
“It was our man in the western suits, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. Yes it was. That guy really needs a date. All this Valentine’s Day hate makes him a prime example of Maulana’s First Law of V-Day.”
Ignoring the fake Maulana, I moved deeper into the protest, where I chanted, “Down with overpriced flowers! Down with substandard chocolates!”
Later in the evening I received a call on my cellphone.
It was my wife, “Hey, it is Valentine’s Day. You didn’t forget right?”
“Oh s***!” I whispered as I raced towards my car.
The fake Maulana was correct. Valentine’s Day only has the potential to be unpleasant when you have no one to share it with. I remember when I was single and would be accosted with boys selling flowers at every traffic signal on Valentine’s Day.
“Sir, please buy these roses for your wife.”
“I am not married.”
“OK, how about for your girlfriend?”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“I am sorry. What about a cousin you are interested in who for now calls you bhai?”
“Look, I am happy being single.”
“Sure you are. Sure you are.”
All jests aside, single or not, I’ve never had a problem with Valentine’s Day.
In a relationship, it is a wonderful occasion to celebrate a healthy happy partnership. When, single, it is a time to rejoice in the bond between you and your parents, siblings, cats, or InnocentAngel421. In our busy lives if we pledge one year to appreciating our loved ones without dabbling in needless commercialism, then what’s wrong with that?
So don’t be bitter. Don’t be a part of Maulana’s First Law of V-Day.
Disclaimer: This article is categorised as humour/satire. Its content is not meant to be read literally, and the views expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of the writer or the views of the IMAGES editorial staff.