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Children blame themselves when their parents get divorced, says Ali Gul Pir

Children blame themselves when their parents get divorced, says Ali Gul Pir

The artist opens up about being a child of divorce, the impact it left on his life and why this track is important
25 Apr, 2019

Ali Gul Pir's latest track carries a special message for anyone who's seen their parents go through divorce.

The track titled 'Sorry I Wasn't Enough' highlights how divorce affects children, especially when parents don't talk about the changes their family is going through. Many children end up blaming themselves for their parents' relationship problems.

Speaking to Images, Ali Gul Pir shared he wasn't originally planning to release the track.

"I wrote it a month and a half ago and I didn't plan on sharing it with anyone, maybe a few close friends and family. That's why it's not exactly a song but a spoken word piece.

"Whenever I read it in front of people they loved it. My wife encouraged me, as did everyone else I read it to, to actually work on this and put it out there. I decided to share my resolve with other people who are going through a similar situation."

He shared that he decided to pen down his feelings after realising his parents' divorce still affected him deeply, "Around five to six years ago, I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I thought it was because I wasn't working, eating right. I went for therapy and worked on my health but I also started realising it was because of my childhood.

" My parents got divorced and everything was unstable. This instability within my childhood had affected my adulthood. It was a big realisation for me and it took time for me to get over the hate and blame and understand that our parents are also human beings."

He added, "I realised as a child I used to blame myself for a lot of things. I didn't know what was actually going on. I wasn't told anything about why this was happening. I think a lot of people in Pakistan go through this - as do people all over the world - but no one really talks about it

"Instead they suppress it, which leads to a lot of mental health issues. Divorce is something that happens and children shouldn't feel like they are at fault. Instead parents should discuss the issue with them in a mature manner. This song is catharsis for myself and the realisation that this is an important subject to talk about."

With the track, he hopes to share an important message for those who have gone through a traumatic family event such as divorce.

"Understand that this is not your fault and your parents are human beings; they might stay or not stay together, they also make mistakes. One should focus on the good that they have, the one parent they have, the friends, the extended family they have.

"Throughout this, my main motivation was that I was coming from a less fortunate background, not a conventional family background. I knew I had to work hard and get out of this situation, there was no plan B. I had to make it on my own, if you focus on that, you can eventually get out. And then you can heal. Go to therapy if you need to.

"One thing that's most important is to express your feelings, have healthy friendships and people in your life whom you can open up to."

Comments

Shawwal Ali Apr 25, 2019 10:59am
This is great rebuke of a faulty father and thankfully Ali Gul Pir leads this story so its not start a gender war
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fairplay Apr 25, 2019 11:39am
Good to point this out.
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NewBorn Apr 25, 2019 01:06pm
It's better to be living with one parent, then to go through the daily or weekly abuse of your parents fighting, because that completely destroys the children's self-confidence.
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Laila Apr 25, 2019 02:47pm
Ali Gul Pirs experience is uniquely his. He cant speak on behalf of all divorced children. Divorce happens when two adults realize they can no longer live together as man and wife. Scientific surveys show that kids from divorced homes are better off than living in an abusive home or where there is arguing and bitterness. It is not healthy to raise kids like that. Children pick up much more than adults think. And they never forget. So let us not generalize. It is also important parents much like westerners sit down with their kids jointly and talk to them about the divorce and what that means for the kids and how they love the kids unconditionally and will still remain a family but in a different way. It is important to show and confirm the love continuously. Do not engage kids in your own bitter feuds and force them to take sides. Tell them it is not their fault. It is just how things are. Start communicating. Divorce happens but it is how you deal with it that matters.
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