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I went to watch Ki And Ka for a new take on gender roles. I was disappointed

I went to watch Ki And Ka for a new take on gender roles. I was disappointed

The film reinforces the stereotypes it claims to shatter, here's how
Updated 05 Apr, 2016

It's hard to say what about Kareena Kapoor-Arjun Kapoor starrer Ki And Ka is more disappointing: the song at the end, which is frustratingly typical of Bollywood’s dehumanizing treatment of women, or how it reinforces age-old arguments that have been deployed to deny women the chance to pursue and develop an identity of their own.

Though it attempts to appear revolutionary the film falls so far short of success that it can only be described as a thought experiment in how the world may have been different had evolution assigned men the roles that women have in the home and vice versa.

In fact, the “lesson” that the audience is expected to learn by watching the two-hour film didn’t even need the supposedly radical idea of casting a man to play an ambition-wary househusband and a woman an overachieving, career-driven person. It could just as easily have been communicated had Arjun Kapoor played the breadwinner and Kareena the caregiver.

Here's how.

The film begins with Kabir (Arjun Kapoor) and Kia (Kareena Kapoor) sitting next to each other in a plane; Kabir silently sobs thinking about his mother and Kia furiously types on her laptop. Stereotype number one. They end up chatting about their lives at the end of the flight, with Kabir revealing that his father is a Delhi real estate magnate but that he has no interest in his father’s money and instead wants to be like his mother who he describes as an artist. If a son can aspire to be like his father, why can’t he want to be like his mother, he asks. This could get interesting, right?

Over the course of a brief courtship, we learn that Kabir's mother was in fact a housewife and Kabir delivers a lecture about how society should respect housewives even though they have no careers or bank balance to be recognized by. For good measure, he throws in a line of tired dialogue about how his father couldn’t have been the successful, wealthy man he is if his mother hadn’t stayed home and cared for them while he worked his days away.

Arjun Kapoor plays a man who feels homekeeping is an art
Arjun Kapoor plays a man who feels homekeeping is an art

Within the first half an hour of the film, Ki And Ka has lost the opportunity to fight the good fight for women’s equality by deploying exactly the argument used by traditionalists to confine women to the home: glorifying the denial of their right to things like a career and a top-notch education as some sort of a sacrifice for the greater good of society and then assigning this behavior a polite description like “she was an artist, because building a home is nothing short of an art”.

In other words, spending their life being content playing second-fiddle to the men in their lives who go on to pursue their professional dreams and aspirations.

There are a few more clichéd dialogues about how wanting to stay at home and not having a career does not mean one is lazy but are in fact a refusal to run in the rat race of success. At one point, Kabir asks Kia if there is any “softness of heart” in her as she is so career-focused, because obviously you cannot be both a good and a driven person. Oof. Stereotype number… I've even lost count by now.


Unsurprisingly, as both Kia and her mother are working women, their home is unkempt and the bai (elderly maid) is duplicitous as there is no one to supervise her work – because when have domestic staff (also female) ever been conscientious professionals that working women can rely on?


Eventually, Kia takes Kabir to meet her mother and tell her that he has proposed marriage and “wants to be my wife”, evidently because of his desire to be the stay-at-home spouse. They both chuckle, in a jarring reminder of how feminine symbols and roles are usually the butt of jokes – comments like “go wear your bangles” if someone isn’t seen as tough enough.

Unsurprisingly, as both Kia and her mother are working women, their home is unkempt and the bai (elderly maid) is duplicitous as there is no one to supervise her work – because when have domestic staff ever been conscientious professionals that working women can rely on? This is just more stereotyping packaged as an entertaining encounter between Kabir and the bai.

Ki and Ka posits that Kabir is the 'wife' of the relationship since he opts to be the stay-at-home spouse
Ki and Ka posits that Kabir is the 'wife' of the relationship since he opts to be the stay-at-home spouse

The film also fails to address many of the key issues that have become a part of the discourse on increasing women’s participation in the workforce and treating their ambition as something to be encouraged, not nipped in the bud or as a sin to be punished.

For example, when Kia fights back with Kabir over his insinuation that she should sleep her way to the top because she has returned in the middle of the night from a business networking event, the argument abruptly ends when Kabir passionately kisses Kia mid-sentence. Or take the scene when a female colleague tells Kia, the newly-minted Vice President for Marketing, that she saw her trailblazing interview but the only compliment she can give is she loved what Kia was wearing.


At work, Kia argues for targeting an ad towards men so that women can see their lifelong dream of men helping out in the home come true. Yet, she herself (as the “male” of the spouses) is never shown as helping out at home.


Here is what the film completely misses: simply showing a man cleaning the house and cooking for the family is not making the case for equality in the home.

Marriage needs to be treated as a partnership where running the home is a collaborative effort, not a relationship where the man or the woman assumes one rigid role or the other.

Yet the opposite takes place in Ki and Ka.

While pitching a marketing campaign for discounts on cooking oil, Kia argues for targeting it towards men so that women can see their lifelong dream of men helping out in the home come true. Yet, she herself (as the “male” of the spouses) is never shown as helping out at home. In fact, one morning she stomps off to work angrily as breakfast isn’t ready because Kabir is busy and has become something of a local celebrity.

It would have been more instructive if Kia was shown to be an ambitious breadwinner with a genuine desire to appreciate her partner's efforts at homemaking (and his limitations).

If you are looking to watch a Bollywood film with a nuanced and fresh understanding of why the assignment of gender roles is problematic, Ki And Ka will only frustrate you further.

Otherwise, Kareena is great as always and it’s nice to see an older woman and a younger man romance each other without age ever being a problem.

Comments

wellwisher Apr 05, 2016 01:46pm
Sir, when you are entering the hall, you are to deposit your brain along with ticket to gatekeeper.Only then you enjoy the movie.
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anil sahu Apr 05, 2016 01:52pm
dont go after much logic atleast its different type of movie and we should encourage that.
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haroon Apr 05, 2016 02:49pm
You seem to be disappointed because you thought that you would be seeing a super-woman movie, but unfortunately such a movie wouldn't be a hit because household is something woman are supposed to do irrespective of their professional life. (this is something embedded in mentality of the south Asian men) Instead this movie is simply to bring out a lighter version if men are given that role and please don't consider the ka in this movie as ki, as you seems to have seen. This movie isn't about the equal rights of women, it simply shows that men can also take care of household and there isn't something wrong with it.
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Amna Qureshi Apr 05, 2016 03:32pm
You are just following another stereotype of not appreciating an effort of bringing up something new to cinema. The concept was pretty much interesting. And it is a good movie to watch. i think your expectation was to see a women far ahead man and you forgot about equality dear.
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doesnt matter Apr 05, 2016 03:50pm
This movie wasn't about gender equality or division of labour. It was about role reversal and men taking care of households by choice. How is that so difficult to comprehend?
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Salim Langra Apr 05, 2016 04:21pm
Loved this movie. Honestly.
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Rashid Apr 05, 2016 08:05pm
Going to watch a bollywood movie. Better leave your brain, sophistication, all common sense outside the cinema hall. Bollywood movies are not for those who are looking for any substance in a film.
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anil sahu Apr 05, 2016 09:07pm
movies lesson is that be it man or woman we dont usually give credit to those who works in home relentlessly for family's wellbeing
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Alia (indian) Apr 05, 2016 09:55pm
I love how the Pakistani critics and audiences alike watch, lap up, entertain themselves and then criticize Hindi movies. I liked Ki and Ka – for its bold take on gender role reversal. Also love how far Bollywood has come in terms of subject matter, production, acting and direction. I could rattle of a list here – Haider, Queen, Masaan, PK, Gangs of Wasseypur, Manji, Lunch Box, 2 States, Highway, Bajirao Mastaani, Airlift, Neerja, Kapoor and Sons etc. etc. etc. The subject matters have ranged and differed greatly and the envelope has been pushed many times over. Proud of where Bollywood is now and where it is heading. Also love the audacity of the Pakistani criticism and no stock taking of their own movies and film industry or the complete lack thereof. Make your own and before you freely dispense advise or critique.
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KN Apr 05, 2016 10:25pm
Well said Ms. Zainab. I see a strong attempt to find excuses for women to stay home and give up a career in all these glorified speeches about how women staying at home are the backbone of the successful men in the front. But I also see it as only a last ditch desperate attempt by the misogynists. Women are increasingly throwing away these invisible shackles and making great career. Indian women corporate leaders like Chanda Kochaar, Kiran Mazumdar, Indira Nooyi, Arundhati Bhattacharya and so on are great inspirations for Indian women and the women of South Asia.
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Ajmal Apr 05, 2016 11:28pm
At least to me, movie was great, different than stereotype movies
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Horseman_IND Apr 06, 2016 01:38am
I wanted to watch this movie, but my father in-law told me to stay put in house. I'm from Aligarh, and you might have guessed what I've to wear when I go out. Oh, and I've asked my nephew to ask his title to translate it from Urdu to English.
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gp65 Apr 06, 2016 02:54am
I am a strong women’s right advocate but please recognize this was not a documentary. Please also know that the audience is not just feminists. If the movie makes some people who are steeped in traditionalism question why a boy is always supposed to want to take after the father and can never aspire to have his mother as role model it would be impressive. Women wanting to pursue careers is no longer a new idea but a man wanting to be a stay at home home maker is a new idea and you may consider this as a men’s right issue if you please. Just as Fawad’s character in Kapoor and sons introduces people who may not have any gay friends with the idea that a man maybe just like any other men except for sexual preferences – so also this movie introduces the idea that a man maybe like any other men in most ways except for not wanting to participate in a corporate rat race. When it comes to social change it has to be baby steps.
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gp65 Apr 06, 2016 02:58am
@Rashid Not true. Many movies are thought provoking and this one was too. Just in last 2-3 years, I think movies like Queen, Mary Kom, Kapoor and Sons, Barfi, Ki Aur Ka, Daawat-e-Ishq, Tamasha have tried to question prevailing norms.OF course there are some movies that are out and out entertainers and they too serve a purpose of reducing stress, so no harm there.
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Ri Apr 06, 2016 04:14am
I believe I am the only one here agreeing with the article. I haven't seen the movie but from what I have read from this article, I totally agree with the author. The stereotyping is the problem.
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Kunal Apr 06, 2016 09:50am
@Rashid You seem to be an expert on bollywood movies mate.. Movies are meant for entertainment and if you think you will become an Einstein after watching a movie then of course you and I know better. And if you are really looking for substance then widen your horizon.. A lot of bollywood movies are meaningful.
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Kanwal Apr 08, 2016 12:14pm
@Alia (indian) We love Bollywood. Dont let few haters here make you think otherwise about Pakistan.
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sherie Apr 08, 2016 05:33pm
agree that it didn't break any stereotypes or help feminism in anyway. But it was an honestly funny film. How many can you say that about? And since art precedes life (LGBT rights, mixed race love) I won't be surprised if in the next years several men take up household cuz they dun wana earn and love taking care of the kids. It would be nice, a move towards a balanced world.
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