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The only grudge I have is that he has spoiled me for life, says Irrfan Khan’s wife

The only grudge I have is that he has spoiled me for life, says Irrfan Khan’s wife

"How can I write a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss?" Sutapa wrote.
Updated 01 May, 2020

When the news of Irrfan Khan's demise broke, millions across the world were left shattered.

Celebrities grieved, fans mourned, and everyone felt the loss as their own.

Amidst all the prayers and messages of condolences making the rounds on social media, his family (wife, Sutapa Sikdar and sons, Babil and Ayaan) have released an official statement.

Posted on Irrfan's Twitter account, here's what it read:

"How can I write this as a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss? How can I begin to feel alone when millions are grieving with us at the moment?

I want to assure everyone that this is not a loss, it is a gain. It’s a gain of the things he taught us, and now we shall finally begin to truly implement it and evolve. Yet I want to try to fill in the things that people don’t already know,

It’s unbelievable for us but I would put it in Irrfan’s words, 'it’s magical' whether he is there or not there, and that’s what he loved, he never loved one dimensional reality. The only thing I have a grudge against him is, he has spoiled me for life.

His strive for perfection doesn’t let me settle for ordinary in anything. There was a rhythm which he always saw in everything, even in cacophony and chaos, so I have learnt to sing and dance to the music of that rhythm, even with my tone-deaf voice and two left feet.

Funnily, our life was a masterclass in acting, so when the dramatic entry of the 'uninvited guests' happened, I had by then learnt, to see a harmony in the cacophony. The doctor’s reports were like scripts which I wanted to perfect, so I never miss any detail that he sought for in his performance.

We met some amazing people in this journey and the list is endless, but there are some whom I have to mention, our oncologist Dr. Nitesh Rohtogi (Max hospital Saket) who held our hand in the beginning, Dr. Dan Krell (UK), Dr. Shidravi (UK), my heartbeat and my lantern in the dark Dr. Sevanti Limaye (Kokilaben hospital).

It’s difficult to explain what a wondrous, beautiful, overwhelming, painful and exciting this journey has been. I find this 2 and 1/2 years to have been an interlude, which had it’s own beginning, middle and culmination with Irrfan helming the role of the orchestra conductor, separate from the 35 years of our companionship, ours was not a marriage, it was a union.

I see my little family, in a boat, with both my sons Babil and Ayaan, paddling it forward, with Irrfan guiding them 'wahan nahi, yahan se modo' (not there, take a turn from here instead) but since life is not cinema and there are no retakes, I sincerely wish my children sail this boat safely with their father’s guidance in mind and rockabye through the storm.

I asked my children, if possible, they could sum up a lesson taught by their father that has been important to them? Babil said, 'Learn to surrender to the dance of uncertainty and trust your faith in the universe.' Ayaan said, 'Learn to control your mind and to not let it control you.'

Tears will flow as we will plant a raat ki rani tree, his favourite, to the place where you have put him to rest after a victorious journey.

It takes time but it will bloom and the fragrance will spread and touch all the souls whom I won’t call them fans but family for years to come.

Sikdar is a Bollywood dialogue writer. Graduated from the National School of drama, the duo were college sweethearts and married for 24 beautiful years.

We send the family all our love, strength and heartiest condolences.

Comments

Ravi Bang May 01, 2020 02:53pm
Hes just great ....ur solid strong nd brave...
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AK May 01, 2020 03:08pm
An outstanding actor . A finest human being. That is how world will remember Irfan Khan.
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M. Saeed May 01, 2020 03:18pm
A very touching and realistic epitaph from the wife of Irfaan's life partner now left alone to carry his legacy through their children.
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David Barbarosa May 01, 2020 04:01pm
A great loss indeed but not for Bollywood, a lot of driffting isnt it now a days !!!
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Pure ind May 01, 2020 04:19pm
Beautiful ... Magical..
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M May 01, 2020 04:49pm
Beautiful, Just beautiful.....RIP Irrfanbhai
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Venkat May 01, 2020 05:31pm
Great soul ...Almighty should give them strength ...
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RationalBabu May 01, 2020 06:07pm
Such an amazingly moving and eloquent tribute from someone who has lost her world!
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Bob May 01, 2020 06:36pm
She beautifully summed up the journey of life.
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AA May 01, 2020 07:11pm
Beautiful!!
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Laila May 01, 2020 07:22pm
A very beautiful declaration of her love. "ours was not a marriage, it was a union". That just speaks volumes. I feel for her.
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kaliraja thangamani May 01, 2020 07:28pm
India lives through these beautiful people.
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Rush Sahota May 01, 2020 08:10pm
Wow, what a write-up!
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Nitin Nishant May 01, 2020 08:17pm
Irrfaan was an amazing person and I was lucky to get the opportunity to work with him for a TVC shoot for my company. I miss such a talented and down to earth person .
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Surendra Sukhtankar May 01, 2020 08:20pm
The world lost a great artist.
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Bhaarteey May 01, 2020 08:40pm
Irfan was special but you are also special Sutapa......because he has chosen you over all specials available to him.
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anjan May 01, 2020 08:43pm
So well written...cherish the family and miss Irrfan!
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Mirza May 01, 2020 08:55pm
Beautifully written...sad loss but what a strong family!
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Asif A. Shah May 01, 2020 09:10pm
Even in grief, Irfan's wife is a masterful writer. My condolences! Best of luck to Sutapa, Babil and Ayaan!
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Ravi Sankar Katragadda May 01, 2020 10:29pm
I am not a movie buff and from south India, so not much exposure to hindi cinema, but if I see a poster or picture of a movie with Irfan on it I Knew it ought to be a good movie. Strangely I used to feel a sense of personal familiarity and comfort watching him on the screen. Wonderful man.
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Raj Manhas May 01, 2020 11:21pm
Beautifully crafted write up by Irrfan's family...description of a soul so stunning! People like Irrfan never die...he will continue to inspire millions.
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Farhan May 02, 2020 06:25am
I have never come across such deep touching write up. I see eloquent use of words as flurry of emotions sweeping my heart and mind... You will be missed Irfan..
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Syed Ahmed May 02, 2020 08:19am
Is very sad to seeing no ones mean no one came to his final journey, but angles with him always
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Ravi Sanku May 02, 2020 10:25am
How elegantly the children expressed in a very few words the enormous wisdom their father had imparted them!
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Saif May 02, 2020 02:54pm
Read this, written on death of her husband, if for nothing else then just for it’s English, but hey how brilliantly it’s written, pain but no crying. RIP Irrfan Khan!
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Imtiaz Ali Khan May 02, 2020 03:47pm
Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi Raaji'oon.
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kamal Mansoor May 03, 2020 07:58pm
Indeed a great loss for sub-continent. I feel that how big artist he was once I recalled all his movie. He is among the great artist of his generation,
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