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It's time to admit that being 'pretty' is expensive

Sure, all those treatments made my skin look better, but I was a happier-poorer person; I couldn’t afford anything else!
Updated 27 Nov, 2019


I was riding home from work yesterday trying to answer some texts when I noticed something — a weird yellow haze between my phone and my eyes... like a miniature corn field... sort of a halo... two seconds later, it hits me: ah... it’s my bleached moustache!

The reason my moustache is so plush is because this month I didn't have the money to get my face lasered. The reason I did not have the money to get my face lasered is because I got my legs lasered. The reason I got my legs lasered... is as follows.

Rewind to six years ago. I am on a beach; a pristine, stunning white-sand beach in Thailand. I am on a paid-for holiday, the massages are cheap and the pineapple is sweet. In walks a girl with perfectly smooth golden legs, out goes the zen.

From thereon, the pad thai is great but I have porous legs, the wind is so nice but I have porous legs, that Australian boy is cute but... yeah. That’s how it played out for a few days. I recovered fairly quickly, thanks to an upbringing where until I was 18 I roamed around with a moustache (a black one), with my confidence never once faltering. But, that phenomenon of the smooth legs, it played on my mind.

The perfectly smooth golden legs of the woman I saw at the beach played on my mind
The perfectly smooth golden legs of the woman I saw at the beach played on my mind

The woman I saw on the beach — her legs didn't fascinate me because they were white and mine were brown. I am fully comfortable in my South Asian body and self; I'm rather happy about it. I am also aware that Caucasian skin and hair is nothing like ours, and that in a cultural context I should be more worried about my face than my legs.

But her legs inspired me — for the effort she put in — to start paying attention to my physicality, to not take my skin or hair or health for granted, to actually be the best version of myself, the version that makes me happy. A version that invests more in skin than in makeup, in conditioner than in hairdye, in fitness rather than clothes.

I came back to Pakistan and started to do some research; not just on how to get rid of dead skin but on how to clean my face at night properly, how to take care of curly hair, how to maintain nail health; not in an obsessive manner but in a way that meant that I wasn’t going to take these things for granted. That I’ll cherish them.

I started investing in things such as laser hair removal (so waxing my face wouldn't trigger my adult acne or I don’t resort to bleaching every two weeks), I started working out more regularly, I oiled my hair every time before a shower, I got a pedicure even if it was winter and my feet weren’t going to see the light of day. My skin was better, my curls nicer and the pores, yes, they were gone!

The woman at the beach inspired me to be the best version of myself. A version that invests more in skin than in makeup, in conditioner than in hairdye, in fitness than in clothes. However, there was only one serious side effect: I couldn’t afford anything else.

I felt more confident and I also felt liberated. Imagine three months of not worrying about going to a salon for threading, or running to the salon for a blow-dry before every public appearance... I was hooked! It meant I had more control over my life, I had one less weekly errand, and one less worry... which meant I had more time to worry about the things that were worth worrying about; like where in Lahore I can run into Riz Ahmed. Kidding. Well. Not. Really.

However, there was only one serious side effect: I couldn’t afford anything else.

I was now a happier-poorer person. Sure my skin was better but that meant that when my sister was ordering 'The Chocolate Bar' (some yummy eyeshade palette), I went to my room and washed my face with my Sonic MIA brush for consolation. It meant fewer shoes, fewer bags, fewer new things basically (please refer to my last article to know why I was actually pretty comfortable with that).

As a freelance filmmaker/journalist, you often run into months with no money. I get through them by making a budget outline, it’s a habit (thank you dad). Last month this is what it looked like:

1) Gym fee (Rs10,000 membership and Rs7500 for a three-days-a-week group class)

2) Shampoo, facewash, makeup remover (depending on the brand, between Rs2,000-10,000)

3) Legs laser (full legs, Rs30,000)

4) Groceries (nuts, fish, honey, Rs5000 for one person)

5) Salon (manicure, pedicure, hairdye retouch, Rs7000)

6) Makeup brush cleaner (Rs1000)

7) Calcium, Biotin and Fish Oil supplements (Rs5000)

8) Teeth scaling (Rs7000)

*price quotes/ranges are based on averages

(I have let out—actually no, a big sigh has let itself out of me, at this point, as I typed).

Yes, it all belongs mostly within the beauty and personal care category. Yes, I questioned myself, am I spending all this money to fit into the patriarchal beauty mold? I don’t think so, because the list would’ve looked pretty much the same, even if I was a man. Take and give a few. I also think it is also both, to look a certain way, and to feel a certain way.

The difference? Example: Day 1, at the gym, you come home, staring yourself at the mirror, feeling fitter? Yeah that. You ask people if you look fitter, they say no. But it doesn’t matter, because that’s how you feel.

Now that I have intellectualised the topic enough, point is, it takes money! Even months I replace the gym for runs in the park and laser for bleaching my moustache, it takes money. Keeping your skin radiant, your hair shiny, your toe nails clean and your legs smooth; takes money, effort and a lot of it.

Just the months my adult acne surfaced, between peels and ointments, I remember spending a fortune! The months my hair turned into grass, on Kerastase treatments and products. The month I was lifting weights, on fish and almonds and butter and eggs.

When I am travelling for work, such as now, this money doubles as I pay membership fee at new gyms, I order in food to avoid eating oily/friend/packaged stuff, replace the shampoo bottle that leaks in the luggage and so on.

Am I spending all this money to fit into the patriarchal beauty mold? I don’t think so
Am I spending all this money to fit into the patriarchal beauty mold? I don’t think so

And that’s me! Someone who works behind the scenes on a film set and writes. The women that you see on television and films and magazines, imagine the kind of money they’re spending. Excluding the ones that have gone the botox and plastic surgery route, disregarding photoshop and effects, I am talking about the woman who seems naturally pretty in just her insta stories with no makeup. Yeah, her.

Well, just like the no-makeup look actually requires more expensive makeup and a more experienced makeup artist, just like the effortless outfit usually takes a lot of effort, just like that, the naturally pretty woman is spending a lot of money and time trying to look like that (I work in TV/film, I assure you, her cheeks and lips aren’t naturally pink and she gets microdermabrasion fortnightly for that glow!).

It is important to remind ourselves of it, to understand that what you might perceive as an unfair genetic advantage, might be an advantage still, but an economic one. It is also important to remind ourselves that the people we seem to be comparing ourselves to, for looks, actually make money off theirs. That for them, it is both, operational cost and capital investment. That in our case, the same money might be better spent on saving up for a degree, or for that business you have always wanted to have.

That whereas fitness is a goal everyone should pursue, not everyone is Katrina Kaif and has a 100 crores tied to theirs. That whereas you must take off your makeup before going to bed, and put in an effort to feel good, you might still not wake up looking like a Vogue Covergirl. That these are entire industries, these people are professionals; and unless we belong to the same, this competition is just as logical as me wondering why I can’t unblock an artery. Whereas I am putting in money to make sure mine doesn’t get blocked, for my own wellbeing, it would be sensible to remind myself that I am still no heart surgeon.

It's important to remember that the celebs we compare our looks with actually make money off theirs. That for them it is both operational cost and capital investment. That in our case, the same money might be better spent on saving up for a degree, or for that business you have always wanted to have.

In a Buzzfeed article titled 'I didn’t wake up like this', Sonam Kapoor wrote, “Before each public appearance, I spend 90 minutes in a makeup chair. Three to six people work on my hair and makeup, while a professional touches up my nails. My eyebrows are tweezed and threaded every week. There’s concealer on parts of my body that I could never have predicted would need concealing. I’m up at 6am every day and at the gym by 7:30am. I exercise for 90 minutes and, some evenings, again before bed. It’s someone’s full-time job to decide what I can and cannot eat. There are more ingredients in my face packs than in my food. There’s a team dedicated to finding me flattering outfits... It takes an army, a lot of money, and an incredible amount of time to make a female celebrity look the way she does when you see her. It isn’t realistic, and it isn’t anything to aspire to.”

Now imagine the people and money that goes into being the luminosity that is Kareena Kapoor; that skin, that shiny hair and those perfectly manicured hands, always. Sure these are awe inspiring disciplines, but that personal pilates class, every day?! Having someone as Rujuta to plan out every meal...

According to Daily Mail (UK), Kim Kardashian spends £5,500 and over 180 hours on treatments every month, and overall £66,000 a year on looking like that. 24-carat gold facials, tequila body scrubs, weekly eyelash appointments; God only knows what else goes into looking like that. Nicole Kidman will spend as much as $7000, on beauty treatments, before major red carpet appearances.

I am not judging, their ‘spends’ seem just as proportional to their income, as mine.

Whether or not it is justified, is a debate for another time.

For now, I just want to know, what the hell is a tequila body scrub?!


This article was originally published on 18 April, 2018.

Comments

ahmad Apr 18, 2018 12:38pm
first world problems -_-
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Vijay B. Apr 18, 2018 01:36pm
Marya Javed, just look at the wonderful stuff you can write without any makeup. you are cute, lovable and a sweetheart. Keep it up
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Nazia Riasat Apr 18, 2018 01:39pm
Agreed. Being pretty is much more than we ever think.
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Mehreen Apr 18, 2018 01:45pm
Hi - Loved reading the article and it brought me a quick reality check in terms of beauty treatments used by ladies now. I am a mum of 2 and I have just turned 40 last week - I am a working mum and I love fashion and beauty treatments. However here is a run down of my beauty treatments/fitness related activities. 1. Half an hour brisk walk daily 2. 20 minutes of yoga daily 3. Trying to drink eight glasses of water a day 4. Eating 2-3 fruits daily 5. Having healthy home cooked meals 6. Jo's Organic beauty foot scrub for my feet 7. A good day cream with a SPF of 30 for my face 8. Conatural sea salt body scrub 9. Body shop face scrub 10. Oiling my hair before washing it or conditioning my hair after washing in. Keeping a normal, low fuss yet groomed look allows me to do the following: 1. Buy books 2. Watch movies 3. Take my kids on small trips within Pakistan 4. Save up for a big trip outside of Pakistan 5. Have money to give to those who really need it 6. Invest money in a saving account for a rainy day Your beauty regime sounds fun though!
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zoeb ali Apr 18, 2018 02:13pm
Absurdity at its worst, blah, blah....blah
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Mk Apr 18, 2018 02:20pm
First world problems in a Third world country
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Tabinda Niazi Apr 18, 2018 02:25pm
you nailed it!n loved ur sense of humor:)
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Ghazala Apr 18, 2018 03:35pm
Cut it short. Its the inner beauty that counts
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N2 Apr 18, 2018 04:14pm
Somehow even after spending all that money, the results are still... you know!
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Javeriya Apr 18, 2018 05:46pm
Wow.....very well written article.every women want to look beautifull.luved thw humored part.
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DIPANJALI Apr 18, 2018 06:30pm
Hahaaa amazing writing loved it and thoroughly enjoyed reading
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Manal Imtiaz Apr 18, 2018 07:22pm
A woman's beauty is her confidence... If you have confidence upon yourself, you will look beautiful in anything!
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Usman rehman Apr 18, 2018 08:02pm
perfect blend of humour and reality! Great job!
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Gulzar Apr 19, 2018 04:23am
Mehereen, I love you. Salam!!!
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Must learn Apr 19, 2018 05:13am
@Mehreen .A good one. Nobody has discretion to say one guy as pretty others not. I behave with exactly the same attitude with all the guys I met, and believe me there's a beauty in all. A soft loving smiling expression must for all, with promiss to help to those in need. Our world is very prosperous and happy,provided you think so. Make your mind and thought pretty.
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Hamza Iqbal Apr 19, 2018 07:01am
You got a fan!
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mansourahsan Apr 19, 2018 09:17am
A brilliantly written piece that sums up the reality with the perfect dose of humor! Totally loved the honesty of the piece. It's not just the women, it's also the men out there who are spending lots to groom themselves-- and I've seen men getting make up done for their wedding day!
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Fidak Apr 19, 2018 10:39am
Ver well written. In a world of materialism, these things are becoming a necessity. Even if we stop spending on such self-grooming stuff, people around you will never spare you by pointing the odds in your looks. We are cruel and doesnt leave any chance of making someone feel bad about their weaknesses. Only way to avoid is to be strong enough to not pay heed to "what people wil think" and do whatever you want to or what you think is more important than just spending money on self-care.
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Huma Apr 19, 2018 10:50am
I think Beauty is when you learn to appreciate yourself ,its confidence and accepting your self and making your inner and outer beautiful the best possible way, going over board is always difficult and pain, just remain with in means and making your self happy is beauty !
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mInhaj Apr 23, 2018 07:46am
@Mk Epic!
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Afaq Khan Nov 26, 2019 11:11am
An expensive lifestyle is a trap, these brands and advertisements make us feel we need them and money just slips through our fingers. If we plan our personal finances properly and opt a minimalist lifestyle we can get through this trap. Things can be way simpler if we stop reading beauty magazines they only make us look fat and ugly.
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Ali Nov 26, 2019 11:30am
I am your fan sister..... Inspirational
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40Plus Nov 26, 2019 02:19pm
Just forwarded it to my wife with the remark ¨Don't know why but i thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I am just glad I turned out to be with XY chromosome. Less hassle :)¨
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Sasa Nov 26, 2019 05:08pm
Bare truth article
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Waleed Nov 26, 2019 06:58pm
you nailed it, though after a manicure ;p
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GHULAM Fareed Ashraf Chaudhry Nov 26, 2019 08:04pm
Meh!
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Alvina Nov 26, 2019 08:57pm
Can totally relate to it word by word! Skin care needs the most investment,so does makeup, so do clothes,so do the hair, and all this has to be done to look presentable to say the least! at the end of all of this, it leaves me thinking too,that who sets these standards which each of us ladies want to achieve!I’ve had enough of this now
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Ahmed Nov 26, 2019 09:50pm
Natural beauty is the best but few lucky ones are endowed with it. Beauty treatments don't last and are just gimmicks.
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saedul Bibi Nov 26, 2019 11:00pm
good article for those people who really west their money on these expensive products even it work for a shorter period of time . Try to make your life style simple it is good for both health and Skin.
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zunaira Nov 27, 2019 12:03am
And it is artificial. But believe me just natural beauty still exists!
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mehar ali Nov 27, 2019 01:42am
No wonder everyone looks so made up these days. Take a look at old photos ,simple yet stylish pretty women. I think good food, light exercise and a good soul reflec ts on the face. These fashionistas do not inspire me at all.
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Saba Alkhairy Nov 27, 2019 07:42am
Loved reading it!It was thoroughly entertaining!!Also your so right about the insane amount people spend on trying to achieve a look and lifestyle that is way out of their comfort zone.For me a captivating book and a good cup of coffee brings me far more hapiness than any salon trip.Please continue to write more:)
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Chris Roberts Nov 27, 2019 08:28am
Marya has written a very thought-provoking article. I think, generally, women AND men want to look good, but at issue is the conditioning we are subjected to that presents a set of features as the standard of beauty to live up to. This can often make us feel less attractive, too fat, too thin, etc., and can also, sadly, prevent us from recognising the beauty in those around us. The question, really, is: what constitutes beauty? It may be wise to start by feeling good about yourself and being who you are.
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Mustafa Khan Nov 27, 2019 08:42am
I believe all women including men should spend time on enhancing and making themselves up. It shows you love life and people around you. I appreciate your effort in writing this article and making people believe that they can be beautiful and smart if take some off their busy schedule and give themselves a time.
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dilawar Nov 27, 2019 10:38am
That's why the cosmetics industry never had a downfall even in an economic recession. And not to make it a gender issue, this is also one of the reasons why men have more savings(and are richer). My 14 years old sis has more expenses than 26 y/o me.
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Maha Qasim Nov 27, 2019 11:04am
Just use home-made wax, besan, oatmeal, multani mitti, olive oil and henna at a fraction of the cost and go for a walk outside to save on gym memberships :P
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sohail Nov 27, 2019 11:09am
Third world problem is first world' obsession!
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Sameera Shafiq Nov 27, 2019 11:41am
rich man's woes
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Waqas Sarfraz Nov 27, 2019 12:44pm
Agreed
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Iqbal carrim Nov 27, 2019 12:50pm
What a timely prescription.
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