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9 points to remember if you're seeking therapy for mental health challenges

9 points to remember if you're seeking therapy for mental health challenges

Here are some tips to make your visit to a mental health professional easier
Updated 24 Sep, 2018

If you grew up in Pakistan, chances are you've repeatedly heard why seeking professional help for mental health stresses is an unnecessary thing to do.

"Pay someone so you can talk to them? C'mon! You're better than that" ─and that's just one of those many negative thoughts that get louder when you're considering getting the help you think you need.

And even if you can get past those thoughts and decide to seek therapy, acting on the decision feels nothing short of intimidating. However, as World Mental Health Day approaches (tomorrow) this week is as good a time as any to take that next step towards caring for your psychological well being.

Know more: 'Depression rising alarmingly in Pakistan's urban areas'

So if you're planning to seek therapy, here are some points to keep in mind and help you feel more empowered about your mental health.

1) All therapists are different

The process to find a therapist whose approach sits the best with you involves a lot of trial and error. You may not "click" with them in the first meeting or even the second. But it is important to keep trying and not give up on the process. As silly as it sounds, with therapists, it is all about finding "the One" ─ one who understands your needs, speaks in a language you understand and uses the method most effective for your concerns. In short, you may want to speak to two or three therapists to see who is a good fit for you.

2) Self-diagnosis can be detrimental to progress

Don't diagnose yourself. There is a lot more to mental health problems and illnesses such as depression ─ different stages and kinds ─ than what is available to you in Google searches. A tangled mesh of factors contributes to our deteriorating mental and emotional state, which should be best left up to the professionals to figure out for us. That being said, ask every question that comes to your mind. A good therapist will not only happily answer them but also reassure you as you go further into the session.

3) Struggling to voice your thoughts and feelings is common

As you start diving into therapy, you may experience a kind of "language barrier", in which you struggle to find the right words to describe what is going on in your head. That's ok. Many people seeking therapy lack the emotional vocabulary to express themselves. They haven't been equipped with the words or haven't felt safe enough to voice their feelings, which is where your therapist steps in.

Read more: It's okay to not be okay: My struggle with depression

Human emotions and experiences are incredibly complex. The therapist makes the task less daunting by guiding you to the words to coherently convey your feelings.

4) Be honest with your therapist if there's something wrong

Once you start therapy, it usually takes several sessions to develop a relationship with a therapist and build trust. So if there's something the therapist said that bothered you, take it up in the next session if you were unable to address it the same day.

Your therapist only knows what you share with them, so don't hold back. If you are concerned about confidentiality, ask your therapist about it. The priority is to help you feel safe about the process. It may feel uncomfortable, but it should always feel safe.

Also read: I didn’t want them to think I was crazy...

If you've been completely honest and you still feel unsafe, tell your therapist because it may be time to look into other options. Which brings us to the next point: you are the best judge of your situation.

5) A good therapist won't boss you around

Your therapist can, at best, give helpful suggestions while offering support. They can't and should not tell you what to do — in the sense that at no point should you feel forced or coerced into doing something. It's a partnership but you are in the driver's seat.

Good therapists are usually intuitive and mindful but they cannot read your mind. So if you continue feeling hesitant about sharing with them, they're probably not doing a very good job at it, and you are under no obligation to continue going to them.

6) But remember, feeling safe is different from feeling liked

Your therapist is not your friend. For therapists, it is important to see you healthy, grow and do well in all spheres of life. Good mental health professionals ─ while they empathise with you and care for your overall well-being ─ stay objective so they can address your concerns without any emotion clouding their judgements.

On many occasions, they will tell you something you may not like to hear but you might need to. Their aim isn't for you to like them but to help you overcome. This is also why boundaries are important.

7) Concerns for privacy and boundaries aren't up for debate

It is a standard practice that if you run into your therapist in a public setting, they will refuse to recognise you or get into a conversation (unless you both have pre-decided as to how your exchange should be if that happens). It's done to protect your privacy and maintain boundaries.

Examine: Why Deepika's fearless disclosure is important for South Asia

Therapists aren't supposed to be texting you like a friend nor should you expect them to text you back. You shouldn't add them on Facebook either. If a therapist sees you are stepping over a boundary, they should ideally be proactive and address it with you. If you feel your boundaries have been tampered with in any way, it is perhaps time to change the therapist. You do not want your mental health to be handled by someone whose intentions and skills you begin to doubt.

8) It helps to walk into sessions prepared

Usually, therapists ask you about your week and/or begin the session from where you left it the last time you met. Other times, it helps to go to the upcoming session prepared with something you would like to work on.

It happens so often that after a session, where you've opened up about suppressed memories and feelings, you feel a mental block. You might feel worse as the day sets in and you think about your discussion with the therapist. And it helps to know that your reaction is valid, and also completely textbook.

Facing the worst of your memories and emotions can be excruciatingly painful and extremely demanding, but the good news is, you see your "safe person" in the next six days. So having something specific you want to work on, especially if you're a task-oriented or result-oriented person, helps you feel less disoriented and lost, and more in control of your life.

9) Discuss things you can focus on through the week

When wrapping up the session, you can ask your therapist for suggestions on something you can focus on for that week. Is it noting down your moods in a diary? Is it logging what you ate or when you ate? It could be anything to help you stay focused on improving your mindset.

Though if you think you may not be able to cope on your own and don't have social support to get through the week, it might be good to have information on options for crises or emergencies.

In the end, I'd just say, please don't let a bad experience dictate your opinion of therapy. It works wonders when it's done well. Easier said than done, but please, don't give up on it.


This article is part of a series that seeks to raise awareness on World Mental Health Day

Comments

M I sheikh Oct 09, 2017 02:31pm
I think in.pak lots of ppl need counselling biopolar.every one stress der behaving abnormal
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Farrukh Hussain Oct 09, 2017 02:32pm
Lady gaga and Prince Harry r combining for this, appreciate the awareness by the Dawn
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Ssk Oct 09, 2017 03:06pm
Appreciate the awareness however I object to the photo used - appears to depict mental health issues occur only in one gender. A graphic or if both genders were depicted might have been a more appropriate way when addressing such a sensitive topic.
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krishankant Oct 09, 2017 03:41pm
We need to give a fresh perspective to mental health: many of our friends and relatives do silently suffer. A professional will definitely help one to recover. And yes, self diagnosis and google will give you half cooked information - many times incorrect as well.
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farooq Oct 09, 2017 05:41pm
Appreciate the write up. However, one core issue I have heard in such patients is they objectively say, i have serious issues which have resulted in my state of mind, talking to someone is not going to take care of actual problems. After the sessions and everything I still have to deal with the actual issues I am facing, the doc is not going to solve those real issues for me. what about this??
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Steve lomas Oct 09, 2017 06:41pm
@farooq yes it is a good question. People obviously have real stresses in their life. And usually people finally seek help when they are overwhelmed and are unable to think with any clarity about the problems. Therapy can help untangle the mental confusion and allow a fresh perspective with which one can better approach the difficulties. Obviously it is necessary to discuss what, given the situation, is a realistic positive outcome as it is necessary to come to an understanding that whilst it is possible to change one's own behaviour and outlook, we are unable to force other people on our lives to change theirs. There are no magic bullets in life. Therapy is hard work and most of the work has to be done on oneself outside the controlled environment of the therapists office, but the therapist can play a very powerful role in helping a patient towards fresh ways of thinking and hopefully behaving.
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Khaleesi Oct 10, 2017 01:04am
Thank you for writing this.
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Rayaz Oct 10, 2017 01:04am
If you are unfortunate and suffering from any mental problems, what ever you do, never ever take any psychotic medicine in any shape or form. These drugs are made for you to be dependent on it for the rest of your life. The makers profits are supreme, not your well being. Even a weeks use will make you very ill and crave for more. All these Drs and consultants should be asked if they cured anyone ever. Please limit your treatment to oral consultations only. Medical science has developed no cure as yet. May Allah bless you for ever.
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alijah Oct 10, 2017 01:20am
Due to load shedding, I was sleep deprived and developed some issues. Went to a therapist who had an airconditioned office. I used to sleep in her waiting room and got healed after a month of therapy.
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Ishaq Oct 10, 2017 09:22am
@farooq In such cases, the therapist will help the patient learn how to cope with the situations and circumstances that they cannot change. Sometimes it's hard for us to accept things and need an others' view to help us.
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QAP Sep 26, 2018 06:35pm
person mentally ill most likely may not be able to handle his/her problems with the therapist /doctor. Family and real friends help is essential.
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ABCD Sep 30, 2018 06:16am
Due to social stigma people are afraid to get help for their mental health illness. It's not your fault if you get a fever, similarly, it's not your fault if you require some help with mental illness. Movies and stories involving mentally ill patients and the way they are presented on the screen to create a dramatic situation are one of the reasons there is so much stigma attached to the mental illness. There is another extreme situation in West young children are being diagnosed with mental illness while they are in kindergarten because their teacher cannot handle them and accuse the child of creating disturbance in the class. These children are prescribed very strong psychotic medicine as the first line of treatment that is very unethical medical practice and makes people not trust their psychiatrist.
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